[Magic Lore] Elysari - the Shieldmaidens of Saphiel's Everspring

[Navigator 4260]

On 3/14/2026 at 9:00 PM, Navigator said:

I like it, but...

 

(Full feedback after I've had dinner, watch for post edit)

Decided to make a new comment entirely.

Main Mechanical notes from myself:

Please note: I am not Lore Team!

 

Lore Mandated Tasks: Druidism struggled - for a long time - to cope with new people being interested because Dedicancy was a lore-enforced thing instead of a culturally-enforced thing. Having a mandated task system for an MA can be - will not necessarily be - detrimental to interest as some people are genuinely lazy. Despite giving this feedback, I personally wouldn't change it; I feel like the piece managed to make a task system feel unique.

 

Skjoldr Connection Effects: Conceptually cool, mechanically a nightmare. I'd keep translucent, since its kind of harmless, but I think weightlessness purely for connection is a bit much. Maybe it becomes lighter, but I think cut-and-dry weightlessness is a little much, personally.

 

Fare Forth: Not feedback. Just genuine admiration. I think magics should look to this ability in the future, regardless if this is approved or denied, as inspiration on how to make ST signed items and MA-marked spells/rituals feel cool and unique. Bravo.

 

Rescue: Same issue as the connection effects. Conceptually cool, mechanically nightmarish. Weightlessness is, again, a little too much. I'd say, like, maybe a system of 'one less'. If used on an Orc, their weight is of human/elf, etc etc, or just make it more so 'incredibly lighter' instead of weightless, specially for a combative spell.

 

I know my original reply seemed ominous, but these are my only real "gripes". As I said, I really like this, conceptually and aesthetically. Formatting-wise, I think the use of spoilers would've helped a bit here. Not an abusive use of spoilers, but maybe for the redlines. Scrolling up and down was hell 😭

 

All in all, really good piece!

[Tentoa 3160]

I much prefer a non-combat-based magic that can be leaned into like this; we have enough combat-focused magics. This is defensive rather than offensive, so it doesn't really bug me. My big issue is how overtly Norse it is, it kind of limits the cultural lens through which the magic can be utilized.

[Travisty 1020]

Idk how i'm just seeing this now but this is peak

[Aelesh 540]

3 hours ago, Tentoa said:

I much prefer a non-combat-based magic that can be leaned into like this; we have enough combat-focused magics. This is defensive rather than offensive, so it doesn't really bug me. My big issue is how overtly Norse it is, it kind of limits the cultural lens through which the magic can be utilized.

 

Other than the runes, through which the connection ritual functions, everything else is easily fudge-able.  There's no reason you couldn't use an elvish word for power rather than bruni IC, or that you couldn't have a Fare Forth totem look like an orcish spirit talisman.  Additionally, I think every culture can find a home for ravens in their imagery without becoming too Norse.

 

Point being, what you see here is really an attempt to honour the Elysari's cultural origin as derivative of Saphiel's human heritage, rather than an attempt to make everyone RP Norse stuff.  Your skjoldr could be a straw hat...

[Aelesh 540]

7 hours ago, Navigator said:

Decided to make a new comment entirely.

Main Mechanical notes from myself:

Please note: I am not Lore Team!

 

Lore Mandated Tasks: Druidism struggled - for a long time - to cope with new people being interested because Dedicancy was a lore-enforced thing instead of a culturally-enforced thing. Having a mandated task system for an MA can be - will not necessarily be - detrimental to interest as some people are genuinely lazy. Despite giving this feedback, I personally wouldn't change it; I feel like the piece managed to make a task system feel unique.

 

Skjoldr Connection Effects: Conceptually cool, mechanically a nightmare. I'd keep translucent, since its kind of harmless, but I think weightlessness purely for connection is a bit much. Maybe it becomes lighter, but I think cut-and-dry weightlessness is a little much, personally.

 

Fare Forth: Not feedback. Just genuine admiration. I think magics should look to this ability in the future, regardless if this is approved or denied, as inspiration on how to make ST signed items and MA-marked spells/rituals feel cool and unique. Bravo.

 

Rescue: Same issue as the connection effects. Conceptually cool, mechanically nightmarish. Weightlessness is, again, a little too much. I'd say, like, maybe a system of 'one less'. If used on an Orc, their weight is of human/elf, etc etc, or just make it more so 'incredibly lighter' instead of weightless, specially for a combative spell.

 

I know my original reply seemed ominous, but these are my only real "gripes". As I said, I really like this, conceptually and aesthetically. Formatting-wise, I think the use of spoilers would've helped a bit here. Not an abusive use of spoilers, but maybe for the redlines. Scrolling up and down was hell

 

All in all, really good piece!

 

Just off for work so if I missed anything, I'll get back to you!  Typing at speed.  Thank you for the feedback. :)

 

Main question: what problems are you seeing with 'weightless' that you don't see with 'very much lighter'?  I feel as if people would roleplay one as functionally the other.  If there are specific use-cases that you can see being irksome (ie. a character picks up a very heavy item, and then an Elysari tries to abuse Rescue to carry said heavy item), let me know and I can work in some redlines to prevent.  The really important thing that we're trying to say is that once you've picked someone up with Rescue, your character can move unimpeded.

 

We might be able to achieve this with some other wording like, picking up a character fills your whole body with bruni, allowing you to move unimpeded by the weight of the character your holding?  But then I'd worry about people trying to abuse it in other ways, like using their enhanced strength to do x, y and z things that we didn't think of.

 

Same goes for their skjoldr too, can you suggest some cases in which it being weightless would be a real headache?  I'm all ears for things that we've missed!  I don't see that letting a character move easily with their skjoldr is too much of an issue, especially if it's their only line of defense.  It won't let them break any established combat rules.

 

Again, thanks for the feedback.  I did think about putting spoilers in, but the prevailing sentiment was that spoilers make it harder to CRTL + F through the piece for redlines when needing to perform enforcement.  You are the second person to ask for some spoilers though, so I may well put all of the spells into some in order to tidy the post up.

Edited March 17 by Aelesh

[_Koly 1]

I'm in love with this, +1!!!!
I'll so be searching for this if it gets accepted

 

[Chimeraof1999 1187]

A morally good lore with ties back to Augars? +1

[TheWyrdWolf 1532]

I love this, i really enjoy the purely defensive nature of the piece and the themes you're striving for <3