THE GENTLEMAN'S COURIER | The Many Omens

[Croangutan 224]

 

[!] Across the Imperial Cities and Towns the second issue of the Gentleman’s Courier began to circulate

 

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Transcript 

T H E  G E N T L E M A N‘ S   C O U R I E R

I M P R E SS I O   R I TT E R S B E R G E N S I S   A N N O   D O M I N I   D C L V (Printed in Rittersberg in year of our Lord 655)

 

YOU WILL BE FOUND

My Lady, once more your articles provide us a hearty chuckle. This mongrel, a rat even you say, cannot help, but to sincerely laugh at your most disgraceful comments in regards to their publishing. How can one call another a rat if you, my Lady, nibble swiftly on any story that comes near your earshot. We are beginning to  wonder  if you even have a sense of taste? It seems that in your pages all kinds of drivel have begun to show. Perhaps your mind has gone dry and our dear “Lady” is starting to starve, at least in the sense of literature or better said, the lack of it. Your insults fall on deaf ears so I shall simply write what I truly believe. You will be found, my Lady. Beneath whatever rock you hide, like the snake you are, we shall find you. If you even sleep, do so with at minimum one eye open. Whatever form of fragile alliance you may possess which helps you write this idiocy shall not outlive you. I say again, you will be found. And when the authorities have their hands on you, well, I doubt the experience will be pleasant. Your legacy will be that of a criminal, nothing more and nothing less than a sad sob sister seeking to speak about purely unintellectual topics which only appeal to the dunderheads such as yourself. This gentleman behind the pen wonders, “Who hurt you?” and if you shall ever seek to repent. Stop while you can my Lady, drop the quill and show yourself at the door of a nunnery. That is your only escape from death! If you have the decency to show yourself I shall await you in the nearest alley you describe. Until next time, my dearest Lady.

OMEN OF ALBA

 

There  has oft been a belief that God presents us with signs when change is coming to our lives. These so-called signs we tend to call omens. Usually they are small; a child born with an additional finger or a most  gentle display of  a shining comet soaring through the skies. Omens may be good or bad, but one is certain to question the positive nature of, let us say, a dragon circling the realm. This quandary has befallen the Alstion lands and their web of vassals and servants. In recent days the denizens of this realm have reported a strange sighting. A vast bird-like creature yet lizard-ly in nature was seen drifting in the skies. The movements of it were noted to be swift and strangely gracious. For a good lasting moment it felt as if the flying lizard was mindless – a charade of one's mind. But, this bewildering sight turned quickly tragic as the creature flew downward opening its hideous maw, casting fire over the gate of St. Godwinsburg. From there our reports vary. Some suggest the beast was slain, some claim it triumphed over the Alban knights. To us, one thing remains certain. This beast of the skies is a sign, something is coming. We fear it may be an omen most vile. Is doom to come from Alba? Is our God warning us of imminent danger? So we ask, what do our readers believe?

THE WONDERFUL BENORCONNU - NAPIER’S BONES
“Be thou healthy my most honourable friends. I, the humble connoisseur of jest, Monsieur Benorconnu, am here to explain this little laugh in regards to the Burgherraad. Whilst our subjects yearn to survive and be heard it seems that some representatives like the honourable Oliver Napier wish to only discuss the cosmetics of rule – e.g., flags. We wish to remind him that the notion of that topic is to be left to the skeletons of the old Orenian system. Get a grip of thyself I say!”

BE THERE LIFE ON THE SUN

Have you ever found yourself wondering what may be out there? We certainly have as in this issue a mastermind of research has offered us a look into their studies. The scholar has opted to remain anonymous for they believe some may disagree  with  their  most  astute  investigating  and  probing. That  we  shall  respect
We must warn that there were many research papers with points of great interest, but we are forced to simplify the good scholar’s work. This anonymous person of interest suggests that God’s creations may inhabit that great shining light above us, the Sun. The theory stems from the concept of warmth. It is assumed that the large mass in the sky is of ideal temperature for God’s most resistant creations.  The papers went as far as to suggest a strange theorised species of so- called “Turnipmen”. The scholar is adamant that these creatures are real. They have gone so far as to say that they have even seen them visiting us here in Azuras. To quote: “A shower of them fell upon my house, they burrowed into the ground as soon as they landed and those which had the misfortune of ending up in my home jumped into the fireplace!” Another wild theory which the scholar suggested is that dragons and wyverns all dwell on the Sun. They stated that when the Sun sets they all migrate to the Moon for the Sun rests in the night! As for the wingless “Turnipmen” the scholar stated that they burrow deep in the soil of the Sun to be as close as possible to the warmth. When we brought up the attack on Alba the scholar was nervous in their words. They suggested that perhaps the Sun is turning colder, maybe that it is dying even. Strangely, they were hopeful as they declared: “A new Sun shall replace this dying one!” If they are right, this gentleman behind the quill can only suggest one singular thing: we’ll need  to  buy  thicker  winter  coats!

TO THE GENTLEMEN OF THE RITTERSBERG GUARD

As the paragons of virtue and order it is your duty to behave according to the laws of this very Imperium. Alas, we must advise that purely cold behaviour may result in more harm than good. This open letter is dedicated to those  who may have forgotten their mortality and, equally importantly, morality. A strange letter has found itself presented to us, a letter which sought to deface an individual of this guard. Their name shall remain anonymous, for we do not stoop to the slanderous style of the “Lady Truthful”. Instead, we shall openly plead for the subjects of this realm and the hands of authority to be mindful of each other and properly gentleman-like in their actions. We hope that mutual respect is kept between all as the letter which had motivated this writing suggested some guards at times treat little children as fully grown criminals. In reality any failure of a child is to be directed at their parents or possibly the lack of them. Some may frown upon physical punishment of children, but as some parents may suggest a good slap across the face sometimes is the only answer to misbehaviour. Additionally, we shall point out that you, the guardsmen, are only servants to the people of Rittersberg. You are there to defend and to act in both humility and reason. Follow the laws by the letter, but maintain your humanity. Refuse  to  do  so  and  you  shall  fall  into  the  grasp  of  evil  and cruelty

PRAY TELL DEAREST READER
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Edited May 23 by Croangutan

[CanadaMatt 873]

A certain guardsman reads the missive " I love my fans" remarked the guardsman