One Page Chapters. (Please, Leave Feedback!)

[-Max- 20]

Hello everyone!

My name is maxthebeast11, and in game I play Alai Mortis. I've been reading through apps for a while since I've joined LoTC (I'm not an application team member) and have pretty much pin pointed the most cliche and unlikely scenarios that characters are put in throughout their biographies. I'm not here to slander or remark, but instead turn these overused experiences into something fun. Throughout this topic I will be doing one page "chapters" following the cliched life of Annabelle (insert random last name). The length is to accommodate the how short biographies are. Though if these at all seem incomplete, I'll surely dedicate to a more described and interesting story.

Why am I doing this?

I'm doing this to receive positive (or negative) feedback from the LoTC community on my writing skills, to promote myself to write more; which is something I've been failing at the job on since I decided to start creative writing. If I don't get my writing out there, then how will I ever improve? This is an experiment to do something creative and fun for myself, so enjoy and leave feedback!

CHAPTER ONE (The parents killed by bandits cliche)

The first of the bandits lumbered slowly into the room outside of the closet, his footsteps and breathing becoming more defined to the three quiet dwellers of the dark coat storage room. Small and fragile, Annabelle clutched her bear tightly to her breast, shooting a pleading sidelong glance up to her father, who now held her firmly in his lap in the heavy dark. The outside footsteps had ceased once more, stretching the silence dauntingly. Somewhere a few feet away, however, the slow opening of the door to the room accompanied the next pair of footsteps as someone else entered. The two men now accorded each other somewhat of a greeting grunt, and their pacing starting once more as they rummaged loudly through the room. Annabelle quivered with adrenaline, curling up her knees and tensing in her father’s lap. He seized her protectively, crushing her against his chest as he held his breath anxiously. They all three had retreated to this small closet without hesitation, after the mother had identified the shapes of men from outside of her kitchen window, rounding up her husband and child as they were both ushered into the dark closet. Having barely a moment to spare, the father had groped for the weapon in nearest reach, as they knew these men would quickly be upon the house. It was common for bandit attacks to occur along the furthest Oren farmlands at times, though the family was not quick enough to heed to the warnings, and decided to take their chances on their own. The family sat there in tense anticipation, and peering out of the small crack in the door with watchful intentness. Down in her throat now, Annabelle felt the distant tingling sensation of a cough rising involuntarily like hot air. She clamped her hand across her mouth, stifling the roaring cough that would give them away. Noticing this, her mother across from them clenched Annabelle’s hand tightly, while the pale and inky girl nodded feebly in understanding. Her mother nodded sharply in return, glancing inwardly to the father. Now though, without chance to stifle it, Annabelle released a hoarse and wheezy clearing of her throat, making her father cross his muscular arm further around her chest. Upon hearing the noise, the two men immediately identified it as something other than the wind or the house settling, and both exchanged hurried comments as they tried to localize the sound. Both eyes of the women were wide with horror and realization, as the father shoved Annabelle away into the darkest corner of the closet and the mother wrapped her up protectively. Wielding his small hammer determinably, the father shook off any doubts as to what would happen next. He glanced back over his shoulder to the small girl huddling in the corner, turning to face the men as the first one laid his hand on the knob of the closet. And then… a sudden flare of rage made the father hurtle himself at the man in the first moment that the closet door flew open, pinning the larger man into the ground. “Hey! He’s in here!” the other shouted, alerting the other members of the party who were sulking around the house; rushing forward briskly to assist his companion. He was too late, however, to halt the savage blows that landed hard upon his comrade’s skull with a sickening thud. Annabelle still curled up silent in the corner of the closet, keeping her eye lids fastened like a dam against a river of tears. The mother gaped silently at the scene unfolding, the alerted voices of the bandits sounding hollow and reedy as she stared at the men who begun to pour into the room. In a flash, the father was able to give the second man a glancing blow as he quickly spun around, and fell the now injured man to the floor next to the closet. Regaining his footing, he stood covered in blood, to face the bandits coming out of the doorway, one lurching forward to seize his wife from the closet and grasping her by the hair. Annabelle had not opened her eyes to witness what had happened, but had still felt the weakening grip of her mother as she was torn away from Annabelle. Breaking out now, a tear peeled away from her cheek as Annabelle wept too softly to hear, convulsing to the sounds of the cracking skulls… (To be continued)

[Watyll 1104]

It's orcs, not bandits :)

[The Best Basileus 97]

I did bandits because I saw that others used orcs lol

[-Max- 20]

Either way, like 50% of the server is without parents :P

[spiritoftheram 16]

Dude, this is great. I think that this should be transferred into the app section of the forums, and it should stop all the parents from dying, constantly. Yes, mine died, but they died of the plague, after a trip, while I was hippying it up for a couple years. Anyways, thanks for this.

[steelersfan1221 300]

Moved to the Great Library. It shall be sorted into appropriate category shortly.