Tranquility Destroyed

[MamaBearJade 2090]

WARNING:: This post contains torture, depression, suicidal thoughts, and self mutilation. You have been warned

 

 

 

 

The pain was unending. Days, weeks, months? She had lost count in her prison. The mind of the druid of Tranquility was falling apart faster than she could repair it. Each cut, each torment, each attack tore through her, stealing what little she could hold together. Why had no one rescued her? Why was no one looking for her?

 

The answer is simple Druid.

 

No one loves you.

 

Rin curled up tight in her torn clothes, her flesh freezing. She was exhausted, hungry, damaged. Every breath was agonizing. Even if she could cry for help, her throat was too raw and sore from the abuse. Bruises littered the young woman’s body. Cuts that had long since festered and grown infected, seeped ooze. Was anyone going to help her?

 

Why would anyone help you?

 

You will just scare them away.

 

Rin reached out, digging into the soil before her. She continued to drag her damaged form forward. She tried picturing those who had missed her. She paused as her mouth opened in a silent wail of pain and sorrow. Her left leg was at an odd angle, torn and shredded. Her body covered in various bandages.

 

Please, someone, find me.

 

Please...help me….

 

Why? You should help yourself.

 

You are good at harming yourself, are you not?

 

She closed her eye and buried her head into her arms and the grass below her. She wept silently as her mind continued to turn to dust. Each happy memory bringing more tears as the abuse grew louder. Her eye turned to her fingers, the blood staining them never seemed to wash out. She crawled further, each movement shooting pain through her abused and weakened body.

 

Just give up. No one will save you.

 

Just lay there, the animals can use the nutrients.

 

Animals. She looked up, noticing the vultures overhead circling her. She lay still, resting her head on the grass. It was warm to her skin. It made her feel comfortable. Maybe she should just rest here, let the vultures feast on what was left of her. Maybe peace will come to her then. Maybe then she will be worth something.

 

Just close your eyes.

 

Yes, close her eyes, let herself relax. The pain was already starting to ebb. She could hear the song of nature slowly fade around her as she drifted off. A warm feeling washing over her as she let herself give in.

 

Just. Become mulch.

 

A soft breath left her as she drifted into unconsciousness. The pain and exhaustion sapping all she had left. The vultures continued to circle around her, slowly approaching her. One even landing at her side, pecking at one of her wounds.

 

Just. Cease.

 

She awoke in the infirmary of the druids grove. Her father at the foot of her bed and Niv to the side. She had lost track of how many days she spent there, her wounds treated. They spoke of her leg being removed, the damage too severe for them to heal it. Days went by, soon turning to months. Her mind growing more and more desperate for just a small amount of love as the taunts and torments making her lose focus.

 

Forever deformed.

 

No one will ever love you.

 

She knew her father loved her. She knew Niv and Hare loved her. But she felt alone. She felt useless, unwanted, and resented. She was resented for how weak she had become. How she had to rely on others to even get from one room to the next. She eyed the saw on the table. She looked at the leg that was to be removed. She had done worse in her torment.

 

Yes. Remove it.

Remove the taint. Remove it all.

 

She managed to hobble to the saw and wrapped a vine tightly around her thigh. She shuddered as she looked at the mangled skin she had unbandaged. If she moved fast, she would have it gone in just five minutes. Yes, just five minutes. No, the time stretched on and on as she cut along the flesh and bone, eventually removing the appendage. It making her nearly pass out. The adrenaline and determination making her push on.

 

Remove the rest.

 

End your suffering.

 

She didn’t remember anything after that. Her mind completely unfocused. She just knew she was no longer in the grove. She knew she was no longer burdening her bothers and sisters, her fathers and mothers, her daughter and her friends. No, she never was part of a family. She never felt she belonged. No matter what others said to tell her otherwise.

 

She felt alone.

 

She was a burden.

 

She was useless.

 

Spoiler

OOC::

 

I have been dealing with a lot of personal issues that rp has been reflecting. It has become harder and harder to play a character so in tune with what I feel on a daily basis. I have thus decided that I will be shelving Rin for a while until I feel able to roleplay her. Playing a character with severe depression, especially depression that closely mirrors my IRL postpartum is not easy and not healthy. It has made roleplay very unhealthy for me. I am sorry if this upsets anyone who has been rping with her, but I need space from her.

[Delmodan 855]

‘Tap...’ The young druidess’s hand would get brushed against with her fingers coming into contact with very soft fur. A faint purring echoing within the melodies she had fallen lost into that depicted a certain lingering feeling in the air as she aimlessly wandered along. It was rather unclear how long the large grey lynx had followed her, only that it’s golden eyes seem to peer up towards her face as if studying the druidess’s facial features every now and then. Even with communion, it gave no response or seem to care too. Having only the silence she knew so well spoken between them, signalling perhaps it was the same animal from long ago. An occasional fluff of its fur before a release of breath gave the large feline a casual appearance as it seem to walk by her side for quite a long time.