My monster has a friend

[AlphaMoist 1707]

 

 

My monster has a friend. 

 

This friend isn’t around all the time like my monster is. It only comes around sometimes. However, when it does visit me, it can make my life feel like a living hell.

 

If I had to describe what my monster looks like, I would say it is a tall, lanky figure with brightly colored skin patterned in stripes that constantly move and twist about its gaunt form. My monster’s friend, in contrast, would seem like a pitch black leech made up of a cold, malicious goo. 

 

While my monster may roam about wherever it would like, free to show me anything and everything in a room in order to keep my focus scattered and my mind distracted, its friend is unable to move at all. It simply attaches to my chest, ingraining its razor sharp teeth into my flesh so deeply that no matter what I do, I cannot find the strength required to rip it away from me. Only when it has fed on my misery and pain to the point of satiation does it finally release me from its circular jaws, and at that point, my monster tucks it away somewhere nice and safe until its friend grows hungry once again, or at least until my monster feels like I need to be punished again. 

 

Like I said, my monster’s friend isn’t around all the time. Sometimes I can go days or weeks without it visiting. When it does visit, it can decide to remain present for hours, or days, or even weeks. Sometimes it likes to tease me. It will visit me, then release me, only to come back an hour later to let me know it wasn’t finished feeding. This process of leaving and returning can occur constantly throughout a day or throughout several days. It’s never the same thing every single time, and the monster’s friend always finds a way to leave me guessing.

 

Usually when my monster’s friend comes around, it’s because the monster has been up to no good, jumbling my mind and making me say things I don’t mean to say. Someone online may call me stupid, my fiancee may ask me to calm down, or the monster may just force a distant or not so distant memory into my mind. There are a variety of triggers, and some will work better than others or not at all depending on the day. Nevertheless, when something catches my attention, it catches it. And I don’t let go of it.

 

Someone says something that hurts me. The monster forces me to read the message. It forces me to read it again. And again. The entirety of my attention is drawn to it, and the outside world fades away completely for the moment. The monster drives a knife into my chest to let me know how these words are supposed to make me feel, and then this monster tells me the person behind the words is who hurt me, not it. Why did they hurt me? Did I annoy them? Was I being annoying? I wasn’t trying to be annoying. I’m trying to make other people laugh. I like making people laugh, it brightens up their day and makes me feel good. What if no one was laughing? What if everyone was thinking the same thing this one person was thinking but were keeping their thoughts to themselves out of pity? Does everyone think the same thing about me? What did I do to make these people think so horribly about me? I begin looking at past messages, conversations, I begin to understand, I begin to think the same thing about myself. I never meant to annoy anyone, that was never my intention. I just wanted-

 

And so the monster, this beast of a thousand colors, this fiend who brought my mind into a state of panic, decides that it's time to bring his friend. It wanders to the darkest corner of the room, its long, winding legs bending at all the wrong angles as it kneels down, peeling back the shadow from the wall to reveal a writhing, disgusting creature that whimpers and screeches for hunger. The monster brings its friend to me, while I’m so caught up in my flurry of thoughts and emotions that I can’t even move or do anything to fight back. I’m sitting or laying there motionless, whether it be on my couch, at the dinner table, in my bed, in my office at work, it does not matter, it never matters, nothing ever matters. When my monster decides he wants to invite his friend, then his friend will come, and I will be powerless to stop it.

 

I’m always so powerless to stop it.

 

The monster gently sets its friend onto my chest, mocking the perception that it cares for something other than itself. Its friend, this writhing slug of misery, it bites down onto my chest, and at that point, it’s too late. A shockwave of dread and anguish surges through my body, my heart feels like it’s being sucked into the leech’s mouth, and any energy I had left is immediately drained away, being sapped by the monster’s friend as both it and the monster howl in laughter and chuckles that only I can hear.

 

It hurts to move. It hurts to speak. It takes so much energy to do anything at all. Even the act of thinking brings me great agony and strife, but all I can do is think. And think. And think. And think.

 

Just because the monster has its friend over does not mean it is any less active. This monster is always with me, and it never ever leaves. 

 

This monster, this brightly colored living mosaic, it just gets stronger the weaker I become. Sometimes it’s kind enough to drag me into my bed so I may be secluded in the dark, but even in the dark, when I cannot see anything, I can still see everything. Memories, thoughts, emotions, I can see everything. 

 

And when I can see everything, I can feel everything.

 

Part 2 

 

[Xx_BloodStalk_xX 2120]

next time you make a postplease use something less scary to start off i had to turn off my computer for a bit because i got really scared +1