Valer l'Ami de Harken 25 Share Posted December 17, 2011 A thin, pale woman with a bulging stomach sits in a room with a blanket tucked over her, writing alone in the dark... I cannot sleep tonight, love. I can't find any solace in my books, and so I sit in an empty room, writing you this letter instead... You've been keeping me awake, kicking and moving. Are you as restless as I am? Or is my growing unease being communicated to you in some way I can't understand? Is that why I'm writing this to you? To set down in words these things that keep me from sleeping... I'm no good at this, love...How do you write a letter to someone you've never met? Someone you love and fear in equal measure? How am I ever going to tell you everything that passed while you grew, dark and lovely and unformed? How will I tell you about the man that was your father? About your father, and the way his hands moved over the strings of a harp like a prayer... About the way that his eyes found mine, time and time again from across the room... About how the first time he kissed me it was like the answer to a prayer I didn't even know I had uttered... About how he promised to never leave me... About how he gave you to me one night... A lovely fearful gift, given all unknowing... About how he left us, broken and despised... Should I tell you about the selfish, spoiled woman that I am... that I was? Will that help you avoid my mistakes? Should I tell you about how much I love you already? When you're old enough to read this, will you be old enough to know better than believe me? Things would have been so much simpler if you had been born to the man who grows trees like other people grow wheat and flowers... The man I loved for so many years that that love became an absent habit. The man who gave me sunsets and roses... The man that should have been your father... You would have been born with dark curls and wide blue eyes. You would have played nearby in the flowers as your Father looked fondly after you, watching you grow, watching his trees grow. You and I would have sat at home, eating dinner in an empty house, anxiously awaiting his footfalls and the return of his laughter. You and all the other charmed darlings of Malinor would have giggled and whispered and played together, safe and secure in yourselves and in those that loved you... When you grow up, will you hate me for what I did? Will you hate me for taking that life away from you? I tried so hard love... I'm trying still, to give you that life. But I'm so afraid that it is gone... That no matter how hard I try, all that will exist is a pale echo of it... A pale echo of the man that should have been your father... Will you hate me for being the one that extinguished the dancing laughter in his eyes? Or will you grow to understand, as I have, that half of something is still better than nothing at all? How will I ever bear to watch you come to terms with that knowledge? How will I ever make us whole again? 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lykos 276 Share Posted December 17, 2011 ((perdy note you dun made der. :wink: )) Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valer l'Ami de Harken 25 Author Share Posted December 18, 2011 Another sleepless night for both of us tonight love... I'm trying so hard to find sleep, to find rest for the both of us, but it eludes me. How can I sleep when I all I can think of is that today is the day I found out that you are my baby daughter. I cannot sleep for pondering you love, you're becoming increasingly, shockingly real as the days go by. You have a name now, my Dahlia, and you dance inside me. You swim and startle, liquid and secret, and mine in a way that nothing else of this world will ever be. I cannot sleep, pondering the mystery of you love. I feel you turn over inside me, restless, knitting yourself together in the dark, piece by lovely piece. Is it tiring love... do you grow weary? The labor of willing ones' self to be whole is staggering... Please love, please keep fighting... keep fighting for the day we will finally meet. I'm fighting just as hard as you love... We both sit here, striving, fighting to become whole. Piece by piece, I am knitting myself back together, refuting the darkness. Refuting the doubt and fear I feel, when I look at the man who should have been your father. Refuting all my memories of your real father, closing my eyes, and willing them away. They are useless to us now love... broken jagged pieces that refuse to heal properly... I turn them over and over inside me love, cutting my heart to pieces. I drown under the memory of his eyes, the way my heart turned over when he said my name, a silken whisper. I am hemmed in, surrounded by memories... his quiet slender grace, the warm blush of his cheek under my hand. I cannot breathe... the memory of the last time I saw him... These things batter me, choking me, closing me in... I think he knows... these small and private battles I fight with myself in the night, drowning and closed in. So tonight, you and I sit under a tapestry of leaves and stars, glass and moonlight. A lovely room, where I gasp for air, pulling these slivers from my heart, excising them. A gift from the only father you will ever know... After these battles, you and I sit alone together in the dark, watching him sleep. Watching the way he turns over in the middle of the night, reaching for us... watching him smile in his sleep... watching the way the moonlight turns him into a vision of innocence. You turn over within me, knitting he and I together, willing the memories of him to arise from the dusty forgotten places I have hidden them. 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haelphon 407 Share Posted December 18, 2011 Again, very beautiful. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
steelersfan1221 300 Share Posted December 19, 2012 Moved to the Great Library. It shall be sorted into appropriate category shortly. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
.thumb.jpeg.7a2a5c6fda5bc3b4e960a8645bb0ab98.jpeg)
.thumb.gif.5a805d258de5309474a27096e6dd35c0.gif)
.thumb.png.4e5370fc69f142d96a905e477cd5dd97.png)
.thumb.gif.f363e1e24ec35c023d600bb13f6d2f03.gif)
.thumb.gif.c4804540109a430a35eb0021ce7df945.gif)
Recommended Posts