Bardic Song List [Ooc]

[Space 2335]

So, I've assembled a list of songs for any bards to use if they wish to. I mean, they are pretty bad, but you know, beggars can't be choosers.

 

And, by all means, change the songs up. Adjust the lines so they make more sense. Make 'The Maiden of Alrash' not actually have to be Alrash and be Alras. Do whatever. And if you make any original songs, post em here so that I can edit them or others can add them to their 'repertoire.'

 

The Great Pink Haired Man

There once lived a dwarf named Pikel Boldshoulder

His hair, colourful

His heart, much bolder

He came to us in our hour of need

He lived by a creed, did a great deed

He and 4 brave warriors

Faced with many barriers

They ventured into the nether

They did it with great haste

Only 4 were turned paste

To defeat the evil Iblees

They tossed an axe into a pit

And also one of the heroes…

****

He was a true hero

He asked for no fame

Not even a dame

So if you see pink!

You’d better rethink!

That could be Pikel Boldshoulder

Admittedly, much older

 

 

The Maiden of Alrash

A maiden from Alrash

The subject of my wonder

And also the rash

That is down under

Fatbuttum Silverblade

Second of her name

Although I’m not afraid to admit I paid

I still felt flayed

And on the morrow

My wallet empty, my needs fulfilled

To my horror, I gaze upon her

My eyes were unskilled

The ale must have gotten to me

For that was no wench

But King Syrio, pretty as a flea

But oh, his stench!

 

Maiden of the Tree (From ASOIAF)

My featherbed is deep and soft,

and there I’ll lay you down,

I’ll dress you all in yellow silk,

and on your head a crown.

For you shall be my lady love,

and I shall be your lord

I’ll always keep you warm and safe,

and guard you with my sword.

And how she smiled, and how she laughed,

the maiden of the tree.

She spun away and said to him,

no featherbed for me.

I’ll wear a gown of golden leaves,

and bind my hair with grass

But you can be my forest love

and me your forest lass

 

It’s Always Sunny Under the Sea (From ASIOAF)

It's always summer, under the sea

I know, I know, oh, oh, oh

The birds have scales, and the fish take wing

I know, I know, oh, oh, oh

The rain is dry, and the snow falls up

I know, I know, oh, oh, oh

 

The Lame Drunk of Abresi

A poor man came to a fair maid

Said ‘I need some work, I need to get paid?’

She said that’s a damn shame

For, he was lame

The Lame Drunk of Abresi

He ate messy

He lived poorly

And used to love a girl named Jessie

His beard was down to his ****

He smelt like uncleaned pits

But he said ‘I’m rich, geez

If you counted fleas!’

But if you counted teeth?

Nah.

The Lame Drunk of Abresi

He ate messy

He lived poorly

And used to love a girl named Jessie

One day he saw a great knight

He challenged him to a fight!

The great warrior prepared with sword and shield

And as he took the field

There was the Lame Drunk

He smelt like a skunk

For his smell was his shield,

His breath his what he would wield

The knight felt he had no choice but to yield

He could not take the field

His helmet was filled with puke

He dismissed the drunk as a cuke

The Lame Drunk of Abresi

He ate messy

He lived poorly

And used to love a girl named Jessie

The Lame Drunk of Abresi

He ate messy

He lived poorly

And used to love a girl named Jessie

And damn was he crazy!

 

The Day the Spit Flew

It was a day unlike today

Except, nothing like today

The atmosphere was the opposite of gay

The atmosphere was… Yag!

The Snow Elves had kidnapped a princess! Or something!

But it did not matter, the pale devils would get it!

And by it I mean completely disproportionate aggression

BUT I’LL BE DAMNED IF THEY DIDN’T GET IT!

Two kingdoms met in front of another kingdom

Oren, half of their court had come

But all of Snelvdom showed up; The king!

It was a standoff to be sung about maybe when the singer was really drunk or out of songs!

They fought with words

Emperor Chivay was drowned out by his court

Tundrak drowned out by his nation’s silence

But alas, no solution came

So, with a great ‘HOOOOOOOOORK’

And a great ‘POOT!’

Head to toe

Tundrak was covered with spit

And damn wasn’t it an improvement

 

The Great Pumpkiness

My father came up to me one day

He said ‘Son, I hope you won’t have to pay

For my life I’ve sinned, true to God

Because one day, I messed with a pumpkin broad

I can remember that night so clearly

Better than the night I met your mother, although I do love her dearly

Two strangers came by

So frightful, nearly made me cry

A pumpkin on each of their heads

I had to make sure I was not on meds

Where are those, anyway?

I always talk in rhymes without them, are they in the entryway?

But I digress

One wore a pretty dress

Darker than your uncles soul

Even if it was dipped in coal

The other was a man, so I did not care

The nicest woman I’ve ever met, I swear

Made my heart flutter, my knees quiver

But I could not look at her head without a shiver

So I knew what must be done

I knew it was not a good idea, in the long run

But I gave that pumpkin a yank!

And she pulled out a shank!

That’s why they call me One-Ball Jon

For one of my eyeballs was gone

So if you see the Pumpkiness

Just stare at her dress, not the breasts!

 

The Money-Grubbing Dwarf - By Reman

 

There was a Dwarf, his name unknown;
His beard would morph, when the wind had blown.
He came across, one fateful eve;
A she-Dwarf skilled at basket-weave.
They wed that week, little did he know;
She was antique, and very old.
She was however well-endowed,
In more ways than one, so when she bowed,
More was seen, than was decent,
Let’s keep it clean, her wealth came recent.
Her father’d died the night before,
Been murdered by a petty *****.
To her he left all that he owned,
So when she’d die, her love’d not groan.
For he’d inerit all she had,
Her money’d rid him of the sad.

[Glyc 234]

Moved to the Great Library. It shall be sorted into appropriate category shortly.