Passing Time

[WickedRN 60]

Passing Time

The room was so warm. A pleasant, comforting warmth that enveloped you like a blanket. I couldn’t remember why I was in that room, but it was a nice room. Small and cozy with its own kitchen and a small dining area. There was even a bed next to the window with a night stand beside it. Someone had put flowers by the window. How thoughtful. The sun that poured in and caressed baby blue forget-me-nots that weaved between beautiful snow white roses and daffodils. The flowers left an intricate shadow on the bed. The soft tick of the clock above the bed was the only thing that I could hear. Tick.

There was a woman in the room with me. She had been there for quite a while. Hours? Days? I wasn’t sure how long we had been in that room together, but everything about her seemed so familiar. I knew her from somewhere, but she looked different now. She looked older, more tired. Her eyes were red as if she had been rubbing them for hours and large bags hung underneath them. She was slumped over in her chair looking over at the bed. I thought that perhaps she should take a nap. The room was so warm. Tick.

In the time that she had been in that room with me I never saw her smile but somehow, I knew all about that smile. I knew that if she smiled right now her hazel eyes would wrinkle up in the corners to form lines that resembled sun rays. That smile lit up a room. I knew that at one point I might have done anything just to see that smile. She wasn’t smiling now, but I knew that look too. Her lips pulled down in a frown and her brow furrowed. I couldn’t understand why though. The room was so warm. Tick.

Her gasp broke the silence that had been hanging in the air. Her furrowed brow flew up and her eyes grew wide. I wasn’t sure why she looked so frightened but I felt compelled to comfort her, as if it was somehow my job to hold and protect her. I wanted to take away her fear but she was gone before I had the chance. Her shiny sterling silver earrings danced violently as she turned her head and jumped from her chair. I hoped she’d be back soon. The room was so warm. Tick.

The woman stopped just outside the room. I could hear her talking to someone in a frantic, pleading voice. There was a muffled reply from what sounded like a girl. They both flew into the room and over to the bed beside the window. Their shadows erased the silhouette of the flowers that had been placed in the window. I was glad they were both here now. The room was so warm. Tick.

The girl looked to be high school or maybe college age, but the older woman was looking to her desperately, as if the girl had answers to a pressing question. I hadn’t seen this girl before. Her clothes made me smile. Her pants were bright green and her top was navy blue and scattered with little cartoon monkeys. How cute. Her long blonde hair was pulled back into a pony tail revealing her face. It didn’t seem to be as happy as the monkeys on her top. Her face was void of color, her gray-blue eyes wide. She reached for something towards the top of the bed and I could see that her hands were shaking. She couldn’t have been cold though. The room was so warm. Tick.

Her trembling fingers lingered at the head of the bed for a moment. Tick. The two of them seemed to be holding their breath as they stood there, the woman frozen and the girl trying her best to control the shaking so that she too could stand still. They were waiting for something. Tick. The girl looked over and nodded. She was saying something, but I was having a hard time making out the words. I think she had found what she was looking for but her face lacked confidence. The girl withdrew her hand and moved so that her ear was hovering just above the bed. Tick. She was listening for something. I wasn’t sure what she was hoping to find. The only thing I could feel was how warm the room was. The only thing I could hear was the gentle tick of the clock. Tick.

The woman stood peering over the shoulder of the young girl. If the woman had leaned over any more her bouncy brown curls would have spilled into the girl’s face. Those hazel eyes of hers were focused, concentrating heavily on what the girl was doing. The woman had her arms wrapped around herself and her shoulders hunched up around her ears, giving herself a big hug as if a strong wind was blowing through the room. It was so warm though. Tick.

The girl looked up at the woman and shook her head. She looked both flustered and concerned. She tried one more time to press her trembling fingers to a long, thin lump in the bed. Tick. The heat from her fingertips radiated through me. I wanted to hold her hand and let her know that it was ok. I wanted her to just sit with me here and enjoy the warm room. Tick.

The girl drew away from the bed for a moment and for the first time I realized that there was a figure there in the bed. I peered harder and recognized that there was person lying there. I knew that person. I had known that person my entire life. It was me. Or at least, an older version of me. This version was skinny and his features were sunken. He was nothing like the tall, proud, decorated war hero that I was. The man I saw now was nothing like that. He was frail and weak, a dull mirror that failed to reflect who I was. He looked cold but I wasn’t. I was so warm. Tick.

I looked over at the girl. No, not a girl, my nurse. I could tell that she was fighting back tears as she explained to the woman that she couldn’t feel my pulse anymore. The woman didn’t even try to keep from crying. I knew now that she was my daughter. She leaned over to hug me one last time. I wish I could tell her how nice that felt. I wanted to tell her that everything was so warm and comforting. I couldn’t though.

I looked over at the clock. Time to go. I turned to leave just as more people flooded into the room. They crowded around my bed, hugging each other. I think they were there to see me off. How nice of them. I could feel their love as I left. It was so warm. Tick.

 

About The Story

This is a true story about the first time I watched one of my patients die. I could have told the story from my perspective, but instead I chose to see things through my patient's eyes. He was a hospice patient, and although it was an emotional experience it was also very peaceful. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story. If anyone finds this to be an interesting read I may post other stories from the perspectives of my patients. Healthcare is such a fascinating world and I love sharing my passion with others.

 

[Anonymous_Potato 27]

Very lovely story. I hope to see more of these in the future. 

[Chorale__ 2147]

Moved to The Great Library. It shall be sorted into the appropriate category shortly.

 

If you feel this is a mistake, please contact myself or any FM and we'll restore it. 

[Chorale__ 2147]

Moved to The Great Library. It shall be sorted into the appropriate category shortly.

 

If you feel this is a mistake, please contact myself or any FM and we'll restore it.