2nd Altar und Thron

[Draeris 3124]

 

Altar und Thron

2nd Edition, 1738

 

The greatest Hanseti publication enlightening our godly Patriots and contemporaries, wherever they might be. In every edition of ‘Altar und Thron’, we shed a divine light on the affairs of the Empire and the lifestyle of the pious man. Im Names Gottes.

 

ARMED GRASS ON THE LOOSE: PUBLIC PARKS IN ANARCHY

After the gruesome assassination of the Morsgradian merchant by armed grass, more and more spontaneous offensives are committed throughout the nation. Man, woman, child: are all nervously looking at the plots of grass in front of their homes. What drives our nation’s flora to randomly kill Humans? 

 

“We have been hostile to nature for too long” A druid would tell us, petting the grass “We build new homes, burn an entire city, dig a canal, run through the grass hunting bandits, we have a total disregard for the things that grant us life!”. The druid, one of the many anonymous supporters of the grass guerrilla's, enjoy seeing justice done to the polluters of our planet. When asked about the most recent murder, she stated: “It truly is poetic justice. A man that can sit on, and therefore kill, a piece of grass on the road near Rubern, is now killed by the brethren of that same piece of grass. The legal minds of humanity should be taking notes: this is how justice works.”

 

When the Lord Marshal, Ser Wilheim Barclay, was asked how he would fight the Grass insurgents, he stated that he would start “winning the hearts and minds of the plots of grass, and we will be contributing to the war effort through unregulated wildfires”. Will Morsgrad and Humanity be saved? Altar und Thron will keep close contact with the protagonists of our mutual fight against murderous grass.

 

IN MEMORIAM

‘KOGAMI the PROSPEROUS MERCHANT’

? - 1738

He will forever be remembered as our beloved salesman, incognito bandit, father and son. 

 

ROGUE ROYALTY: A NEW ERA FOR HAENSENI PARENTING?

We first discovered that a princess was a rampant narcotics user, then we found out that mysterious men advise the royal court. And now, throwing children? In our latest scoop, Milena Ekaterina was seen throwing her children from the bed against the wall, starting a new trend in Hanseti-Ruska. 

 

 

“I mean.. The queen is doing it?” a mother stated, throwing her baby against the city wall “They are the symbol of Haenseni culture, and thus Haenseni parenting.” Other mothers have flocked to King Andrik III, asking if his wife could throw their children for them. “It would be such an honour..” another mother stated, trying to throw her child onto the palace balcony “hopefully the queen will throw him back!”. 

 

The court chroniclers are tasked with writing a new scroll, detailing Haenseni parenting rituals. Queen Milena Ekaterina is rumored to be asked to write the preamble. 

 

INTERNATIONALES ELFENBANKENKARTELL STRIKES AGAIN:

DUMA ELECTION DESCENDS INTO CHAOS

 

The first Duma election debate proceeded orderly, with the usual antics from the fragile men Jan Vyronov and Konstanz Barclay coloring the usually uneventful ordeal. That was, until shouts interrupted the debate: “BANDITS! BANDITS!”, most of the Brotherhood supporters there to see Konstanz, had to depart. Resulting into a biased crowd remaining on the benches, who eventually voted both the Vyronov and Barclay candidate from the ballot.

 

The Bandits then were discovered to be one bandit, an elf bandit to be precise, who refused to be taken into custody. As the elf was righteously slaughtered by the Brotherhood of Saint Karl, a note was confiscated that said: “Distract debate through banditry, Konstanz cannot win, John de B.”. 

 

A travesty of democracy, despite the automatically victorious Adryana Eleanor being an OK-candidate at best. The gravest tragedy lies in the fact that the strong and thoughtful Haenseman, could be fooled by the Elves once again! The organization tasked with reviewing the disproportionate representation of elves in commerce is yet to be officially formed, although several candidates for chairman were tipped. These would vary between Jacques de Beaumont, Friedrich Barclay, Konstanz Barclay, Ser Konrad Stafyr or Gerard Stafyr. When Lord-Palatine Ser Konrad was asked about his solution to the rampant Elven interference, he stated: ”Eh? This is the first time that I've heard of the formation of any 'task force'. If you are referring to the Imperial Senate Election of 1738, I'm afraid that I actually believe that there was none. It was a fair fight between Senator Corbish and  the late Meister Barclay, both of whom had strong support from the public. The incumbent deserves to win a second term after such a widely contested a campaign filled with vitriol and hatred of the likes we've never seen before in this kingdom. As the longest serving Speaker of the Royal Duma, I have overseen more elections than any other man in Haenseni history, so I know what I'm talking about. Thank you, and may GOD be with you.”. A comment that didn’t really say much. “He is totally hiding it” a lady fighting off Helenian guards in bandit uniforms in the town square told us “if he recognizes that he will most likely be the chairman, he might become a target and thus, his candidacy could be sabotaged.''  

 

Altar und Thron, like most of our patriotic citizens, recognizes the importance of this taskforce. Therefore, we implore all citizens to play along that Ser Konrad Stafyr is not the chairman of the anti-elven interference task force. Let us protect our Lord-Palatine from Elvische schemes. 

 

Whether the Elven Banking Cartel gets to interfere in the general Duma election again is unsure, although foreseeable candidates are worried en masse that the fear might overshadow their policies. The Barclay political lobby is rumoured to run on an Anti-Elven platform, as the Vyronovs are expected to copy them due to their lack of originality. 

 

HAENSENI GUARDS RECEIVE ROOF TRAINING

After the most recent bandit offensive against Reza, the Lord Marshal and Constable understood that unconventional methods of urban guerilla warfare were necessary for a modern defense. A new training program called “Fighting and flying; the new wings of warfare” is initiated, forcing all Brotherhood of Saint Karl members to practice sword fighting, sprinting and yelling about rules from the steep roof tiles of Rezian houses. 

 

“We were shocked really, seeing bandits run over the roofs” Jacques de Beaumont stated, balancing on the edge of the palace roof “Because we always fought on the ground, we weren’t used to running with armour on, nor did we ever have to balance like circus actors.” another guard named Charles de Alence, recovering from a fall from the tavern roof also commented “I think it’s necessary, the future of warfare is on the roofs and not on the ground. Maybe one day, we will fight in the actual sky? Oui Oui”

 

This training program is a true testament to the adaptability of the Haenseni in these crazy times.

[rukio 8924]

“Strange how they claim him a bandit, claim they kill bandits, yet claim he wasn’t killed by them. Hmm.” Marlow would say this to Chadmyr in the Morsgrad tavern before musing to herself. “Perhaps it's all of the throwing they do of their children. They all have head injuries.”

[Draeris 3124]

20 minutes ago, rukio said:

“Strange how they claim him a bandit, claim they kill bandits, yet claim he wasn’t killed by them. Hmm.” Marlow would say this to Chadmyr in the Morsgrad tavern before musing to herself. “Perhaps it's all of the throwing they do of their children. They all have head injuries.”

The Editors pop the champagne and dance, as Altar und Thron is now also published in Morsgrad!

[rukio 8924]

13 minutes ago, Draeris said:

The Editors pop the champagne and dance, as Altar und Thron is now also published in Morsgrad!

Marlow lives in Helena but often visits Morsgrad!