Lingering Petals

[zuziee 4004]

Lingering Petals

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Lady Maisie feeding Sunholdt Swans

 

A N N O   D O M I N I 1818

Penned by the hand of TH, Maisie Adelheid d’Arkent

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All these years later, I have stopped looking for answers. I

know better now, that love is never a guarantee. Not when

you have the rest of the world to contend with

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ON OTHER

There is someone I keep in my heart-I love him and

no one else. It is a love that will only die with me.

 

You may ask, death could be some time away-what

if from now to then, you love someone new?

 

Well I can tell you, there is only one love. If any

person claims to have loved twice in all their

life-they have not loved at all.

────── 〔✿〕──────

A WHOLE UNIVERSE

The days catapult before me. The world is spinning too

quickly. It gets harder and harder to retrace my steps. To

figure out how I got to be here.

 

The years expand into eons. It gets easier for me to imagine

my mother as a girl. To think about her worn-out

heart. Breaking for the things she couldn’t hold on to. And

I wonder if I’ve let the wrong people go. When you lose a

person, a whole universe goes along with them.

 

Sometimes I picture all my other selves, standing in a

row of dominoes; separated but part of the same disjoined

whole. How can I hold a single one accountable?

────── 〔✿〕──────

GRIEF

The way I grieve for you is not loud.

 

It is not a cry in the dark,

a wail to those who love me,

a breakdown made of tears and apologies

and ‘why is this happening to me’s.

 

Instead, my grief is a silent killer.

It suffocates me in the night.

I feel it poison my lungs

every time I draw in breath.

 

I feel it wrap its cold dark hands

around my barely beating heart,

squeeze until it needs to gasp to restart

and yet it does not speak.

 

My grief is silent,

so others think it doesn’t exist.

They look at the unbreakable mask I wear

on my face without realizing my insides scream.

 

They wonder if I ever loved you

the way you needed.

Sometimes they think I am

a heartless thing that never loved you at all.

 

They think I never deserved you

and refuse to understand the truth of the way I grieve.

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