The Tale Of Living Pumpkin

[marimbamonk 1501]

Chapter 1: The Burning of the Human Ship

It all started with an idea.

Dagmar Kuta sat against the courthouse wall in Oren, an apple rubbing against the palm of his hand for shining. It was a bright, sunny day, just about to set into nightfall. People bustled about the main square of the Elysium town, guards patrolling and conversing, citizens beginning to settle into their homes.

Dagmar took a bite into his apple, and the taste and smell of the apple entered him. Finally, a moment of peace, he thought.

It was then that another smell entered his nostrils; they flared. Smoke, dirty and dry, flooded his nose, and he sniffed the air for a direction. Turning around, he saw a plume of smoke rising from the Human docks. That was just about when someone called out, "Fire, fire!" and everyone bustled to the docks.

The Queen of Oren was already there, trying to put out fires on the Human ship. The sails were heavily ablaze, gushing through the air as they hissed with flared desperation. Dagmar simply watched, for he did not want to get burned; they did not need his help.

The fires were soon to be put out by guard and royalty alike, it not having spread onto the ship, and the sails in recoverable condition. The Queen descended from the mast, her face a bit blacker due to soot and ash. She exclaimed, "The culprit was in black clothes, and wearing a pumpkin. He got away before we arrived."

Guards were stationed on the ship, looking for any other signs of this "pumpkin man". It was then that he got a devilishly funny idea.

Dagmar remembered that he had many pumpkins back in his house, from his days back in Asulon of farming. Wouldn't it be funny, he thought, if I showed up as this pumpkin man? I wonder if the guards will really be gullible enough to arrest the complete wrong person... He rushed back to the monk village, ran to the docks, and entered a small hovel below a wooden pathway.

It was small, dug out from a small hole under the docks; but it served its purpose. Hey, it was free too.

Dagmar opened one of his chests, pulling out an appropriately sized pumpkin. He took out a simple sword, carving out a hole in the bottom. Jamming it on his head, he chuckled, grabbing a torch as well as he headed out.

After a couple minutes of walking, Dagmar found himself back on the Human docks. He swam around the ship, guards conversing aboard, and took a deep breath. He climbed the ladder, and met face to face with a recruit to the guard.

They both stood there for a second, comprehending the situation. As a joke, Dagmar waved the torch in the air, hissing. "Jonathan! JONATHAN!" the recruit called, pulling his sword from the sheath. Dagmar hopped from off the side of the boat, landing with a "kersplunk" in the water as he began to swim away.

"Get back here, you," the recruit cried, racing off the boat to apprehend the pumpkin man. Dagmar faked tripping on the ground, just so he could see what they'd do if they caught him. The recruit caught up quickly, binding his hands and trying to keep him restrained. His other guard friend, Jonathan came waltzing up.

"Huh. You caught him. That was easy," he commented, watching as his friend struggled with the pumpkin man.

"Don't just stand there...! Help me," the recruit called, punching Dagmar in the stomach as he tried to escape from the binds.

Okay, he thought, this is getting more serious... Perhaps I should stop. But, some sort of subconscious inside him said, No, this is fun. Just play the act. This is funny, making them think you're the criminal... So, he continued playing the act.

Jonathan helped the other guard drag Dagmar, wriggling in binds and all, back into Oren, to a large military fort inside the city. "Ser Grimbeard," called Jonathan, kicking Dagmar to the ground, "we got him! We found the man who burned the ship!"

Dagmar lay on the ground, his ribs throbbing, as some royalty of Oren and this "Ser Grimbeard" came forth to see him.

"Well. You caught him. Good job, recruits," Grimbeard commented. Dagmar had his pumpkin ripped off his head, and the insulating heat he once felt now met with cold, and he began to look back at his decisions once more.

Crap, he thought, they're going to behead me now. What have I done...

And so they did. His head rolled on the ground, and everyone thought the pumpkin man was no more. But, as custom for people revived involuntarily by the Monks, Dagmar didn't remember this part. He simply remembered one thought before all went blank: I dressed up as a pumpkin and went to the Human ship.

[marimbamonk 1501]

Chapter 2: Lair of Living Pumpkin

Dagmar woke up, revived at the docks. He rubbed his neck, which hurt the most, pacing his way back to his home under the walkway.

Damn, he thought, what happened... All I remember is putting on a pumpkin head... Sitting down to relax himself and to cradle his neck some more, Dagmar thought.

Maybe that pumpkin idea wasn't such a good one... waking up not remembering anything is usually a sign that I was killed. He released his hand from his neck, sighing. Then again, I do remember the rush of fun as I put that pumpkin on. What's the worse that had happened? They probably convicted me of the crime, I laughing the whole way, then released me. Then I was probably killed by some spider or skeleton or something. He smiled, now accepting that theory as truth and standing from his chair.

Hah... What if I made some sort of pumpkin lair? Build some sort of reputation for this pumpkin man. If they are still suspicious of me, they'll be looking for a hideout. He set to work now, laughing as he thought of how funny this all was. He built a small den under his house, decorating it with pumpkins.

He smashed large holes in the bottoms of them, and carved them with some ghostly design.

That should do the trick, he thought, wiping pumpkin juice and seeds off his hands. I guess I should get into some more trouble! Hah. Dagmar took one of his pumpkins and planted it on his head, leaving his hideout for more fun adventures.

[marimbamonk 1501]

Chapter 3: Fire at Holy Arms

Wandering around the grassy plains of Elysium, Dagmar once again found himself within the city of Oren. He wore a pumpkin on his head, and the familiar heat of the fruit brought some sort of comfort to him. Some elves ran past him as he entered the city, looking for something to do.

Immediately he saw a building, on fire; caught ablaze by some lightning. That familiar, "Fire, fire!" was called out once more, and people flooded inside to stomp out the conflagration.

After dozens of minutes, the last breath of smoke and spark flew through the air, and people started to leave the building. Dagmar entered the shop, a pumpkin still on his head, and looked for some sort of evidence.

There, planted on the ground, was a note. It read, "Let this be a warning to all orenians... from the Vigilantes." Next to the note was a leaf brooch, and a broken lantern.

Dagmar took that lantern and brooch from the ground...

and, in its place, took off his pumpkin head and sprayed some of the juice on the floor.

Chuckling, Dagmar left. Now they'll associate the Elves with the pumpkins, he thought. This is getting to be more and more funny every minute.

As he walked about the streets of Oren, his pumpkin head looked upon by almost everyone in the square, he noticed some dead chickens laying in their coops. Probably the work of the elves again, Dagmar thought, and a perfect opportunity to spread his name some more...

Squirted more pumpkin juice at each pen, careful not to let anyone see.

He also did the same to a pigs head, spiked on a stake. This was left by the orcs, but now it was left by a pumpkin... He took the orcish note nailed to the mouth of the pig and replaced it with another, more pumpkiny note.

He ran away quickly, trying not to attract attention. Good... No one saw me do that...

"HEY! Why are you wearing a pumpkin on your head?!"

[marimbamonk 1501]

Chapter 4: Captured by a Winterman

"HEY! Why are you wearing that pumpkin on your head!?" called a Winterman Guard, walking up to Dagmar.

Oh, crap. This isn't good.

Dagmar and the man conversed... I will let the images tell the story.

Dagmar loved the thrill of the chase, and had no guilt in his mind since he knew he didn't commit any of the crimes. He even added in some corny rhymes to sell his "insanity".

The Winterman dragged him back to Oren.

The Winterman and Dagmar made their way back into the city, and his captor shouted, "People of Oren, I've caught the man who burned the ship!"

The very same, Ser Grimbeard, walked forth to the situation, extremely confused. "I thought we beheaded that guy?"

Dagmar chuckled. Monks revive, my fate not met. They forgive, and they forget, he said, smiling at how surprisingly good he was at rhyming things. Although he never remembered being executed, the fact was now apparent to Dagmar. But the main thing he was worried about right now was getting out of the situation.

"Well, what should I do with him?" The Winterman held Dagmar by a simple rope, which was wrapped around his hands.

"Do what you want with him. The Imperial Guard is an army, not a guard. You captured him, anyways," Grimbeard commented, walking away to deal with other duties.

After a long calamity of discussion and an accidental cutting of the ropes, Dagmar was set free. He ran off, now rethinking his options...

[marimbamonk 1501]

Chapter 5: A Wonderful Painting

Dagmar ran back home as fast as he could, lucky to get out of the situation due to some idiotic guard accidentally cutting his hands loose. He entered his small hovel once more, panting with anxiety and exhaustion.

Sweet Aeriel, that was close, the said, taking off his pumpkin head. The fresh air was a welcoming prospect, and he washed his face of the dirty, slimy pumpkin goop that had accumulated on his face.

As he looked into the water, an idea came to him. He smiled grimly, laughing again. I should dye my face and hair to look like a pumpkin... Then, even if people remove my pumpkin, they'll have a harder time of knowing who I am. And hey, it adds to the character, right? Ha.

Dagmar took one of the pumpkins in the storage room, smashed it into a large pasty goop, and mixed it with dye he made from roses and daisies. It smelled, but he'd get over it. What else did he have to do?

He began to paint on the pumpkin, using a flimsy mirror he found back in Asulon.

It looked... terrible, if he were going to be honest. But hey. It was dye and pumpkin juice. What are you going to do?

He laughed. This is hilarious... such a reputation I have now. Well, the pumpkin has now. I'd better let this dry.

He crawled into his bed, grabbing a much needed and goopy rest.