[Denied][Elf] Nepir

[nepir 472]

Minecraft Account Name: nepir
How old are you?: 13
Time-Zone: i dont know
Have you read, understood and agreed to the rules?: yes
What previous experience have you had in role-playing?: i have role-play
How did you hear about the the Lord of the Craft?:  i was on youtube and was looking at lord of the rings

wen i notest lord of the craft
Link any applications that you have previously made for the server: http://www.lordofthecraft.net/forum/index.php?/topic/94083-nepir-elf/
Have you posted this application on the Minecraft Forum? If not, then please do so (link above): yes
Have you read the Elven lore, and shall you ensure you make use of it and follow it in your biography?: yes

Definitions
In your own words define the following terms. Do not take any definitions from elsewhere!:

Role-playing: you are some one alles then normall
Meta-gaming: you use the info from occ in ic
Power-emoting: you say that you kill some  one and

In-Character Information:
Complete the following biography on your character:

Full Name: nepir bloodwolf
Current Age: 135
Sub-race (if any): woodelf
Past / History (include childhood, major-events, etc. 2+ paragraphs long): .nepir was not e normal child hee gruw up on his one stool food vrom people and and is not sure wat hebent to his parents the onlie thing wat he has left vrom them is e dager wit e wolf one it  he hase one scar from e sword wen he stool some bread from e soldier te scar is on his left arm 

 

Ambitions for the Future: nepir wants to join the army and be e better elf

Personality: not much of e talker and if he neets to speak he wil

Skills: he is fast and knows his way wit e dager

Appearance (this must include an in-game screenshot of your skin): (i dont know houw)
Any other details you wish to share about your character: he is kan not use e bow (he never had one )and his eyes look lijke wolf eyes

Open-Response-Questions
Each question in this section must be answered with a minimum of one paragraph which must describe the event in full. Please be as descriptive as possible and do not break character or lore at any point.
____

1. As you walk through the deep forests you hear the sound of whispering and snickering. Upon inspection you realize that a group of older elves are mocking a small elven child. How do you react?

Answer: nepir walks up end helps the small elf the older elves dont like it and looks me  he notest my wolf eyes he runnes the aders are frozen i take the small elf wit me and bring him back to his parents

2. Whilst wandering through the Elven forests you come across a frail old man with a walking stick. He collapses in front of you, falling to the ground with a sharp thud. Out of his pocket falls a small pouch of gold coins, which hits the ground and splits open spreading coins across the pathway. The man lies there, defenseless - what do you do?

Answer: i look at him and pick ip e 4 coints and help him get there rest i pick him up he never notest dat i stole some of the coints and i am back on my way

3. Whilst traversing the Elven Woodlands, you come across a small clearing in which a colored carriage sits. A trader stands outside of it and calls you over, telling you of his wares. He points out that his carriage sells just about everything, and that he's willing for you to haggle for a price. What does your character do? (Please include:- item, haggling for prices and the discussion involved).

 
i look at him and ask him if he knows e bout te deger i have i pullt it out en show him it he seys

i know the dager i sa it in e ficht ones it was e dager from e elf he helpt me wen i was bount to e tree bij some orcs he killt them alle and helpt me out of ther wen he left he gave me some bread end left

 

(i gate dyslexie if you wane know wat it is this is it) (http://nl.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dyslexie)
 

[IrishPerson 693]

~Under Review~

 

 

Sadly I have had to deny your application, here are some suggestions on things you could improve on:

 

• Your definitions are too short and need to be expanded upon, add examples too.
• Your biography is too short. Go into detail about your characters past and how he acts and was raised, things like that. So that your character is more fleshed out.
• You also didn't have any lore in your biography again. Thus I think you need to go and read it once again. 
• All three of your ORQs are too short and need to be expanded on greatly with dialogue.

 

Please wait at least a full twenty four hours as of this post's edit (seen below) before posting your next attempt. If you have any questions, feel free to send me a message. Good luck with your next application.

Edited August 7, 2013 by MrGreene

[IrishPerson 693]

Moved to Denied Forum