A Changed Man

[KUSHerZombie 222]

 

 

11th of the Amber Cold, 1547

 

Caspar stands on the shore of an unnamed island far from Courland. He is clueless of the current events of war and for once, finds a sense of peace. He knew he must return from his voyage one day, if not for him, for his family, but to be honest, he didn’t want to leave. There was something comforting of nobody knowing where you are, who you are, and what you’re doing. He could do anything he wanted. It would sound crazy to any other person he was sure of it, but there was just something comforting about it.

Seasons on the island seem near non-existent except for rain and not rain. He wore a simple white linen shirt and some khaki shorts. The constant waves crashing against the shore seemed to calm him more than anything he has ever done ...except  he pushed the thought away almost quicker than it arrived, shaking his head lightly, though the thoughts only seemed to push him down father in the train of deep thought…

He wasn't quite sure where he was to be honest. He was en route to a foreign island for trade but his boat floated by the most beautiful island he had ever seen and before he knew it his hands were subconsciously steering him there. It had been around 4 years since he washed up along the shore of the island, but time seemed to fly by faster than he could count. The only way he knew how long he had been there was by scratching a small mark in to a tree. 2,160 scratches, to be precise.

He began to think of his past things. Except… The word kept ringing around his head as he thought of the… the thing that he couldn’t speak to anyone about. It had been… He counted the years on his fingers as his eyes widened as he realized it had been well over 10 years since he had seen him. He pulled a small leatherbound book out of his pouch that he dare not show anyone… He flipped through the pages, reading a few excerpts of likely the best and worst days of his life.

 

“They seemed to read my mind. “Not even as you grow older? You will still continue politics?” I nodded again. “Once you’re older you cannot fight… You will lose that thrill of fighting. You will be stuck behind piles of paper and debates with others.” They said.”

 

Caspar felt the worst pang of guilt as he read that excerpt as his eyes flickered to the next page.

 

“I love you, never forget that”

 

That's all it took for tears to fall down his face, imaging him in the other person’s perspective. All he could manage to get out was “I… I’m sorry.”... He flipped the page to read more, feeling like a terrible person.

He spent the whole night reading through his old journal, and by the end began to think the worst thoughts…

 

What if I just ended it all.

Right now… I could easily drown myself.

Or set myself on fire.

Or slice my wrists.

It would leave the world better… I wouldn’t have this guilt…

It might be the best way to apologise.

 

It didn’t take long for him to stand on the shore contemplating inflicting death on himself. He knew it was a dishonorable way to end his life, but what do the others care? It’s not like they will seek him out to the ends of the earth. He could just be dead. And maybe that would be the best way for him to be. He had done too much damage to this world and maybe he should stop himself from doing any more.

He was too much of a… a ‘wuss’ in the words of his old lover… to do it. Instead, he looked to his ship. His eyes felt on fire as tears streamed down his face. It was the dark of night.

 

Maybe I should just go home...

Perhaps I’ve cleared my head too much.

But when I am home I promise I will be a very changed man.

No more lies. I’m done with the lies. I will find him again.

I will apologise for being an awful person.

And I will move on.

I am a changed man now.

 

And at that, he set sail in the darkness of night with not but a compass, a few bananas and other fruits he had grown on the island and a few canteens of water from a spring he had found and he set forth to home… Wherever that was. He wasn’t quite sure how to define it these days.

It was awfully late when he arrived, it was either the late hours of the night or the early hours of the morning. He moved differently, smelled differently, and if you squinted hard enough, you could tell he looked differently. His face showed very slight signs of age and his usual smile was replaced by a dull expression. He spoke much differently than he use too. What he saw on the island was enough to ruin a man for life. He had ruined a person. He walked with a quiet step yet there was something less pompous about the way he walked.

When he stepped on the port, he immediately shivered. He was more cold than he had ever been, but didn’t focus on it. He had bigger things to worry about right now. He bought a warmer change of clothes from a merchant and changed into them. He lurked to Courland to get his stuff together. Tomorrow he would leave to apologise. He would tell no one he was home.

[AlexFreeDom1234 0]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WiLyDek_TLE&feature=youtu.be

[CheekyNolan 5420]

Moved to the Archive. It shall be sorted into the appropriate category shortly.