Burglars' Guild

[Desu Vult 35]

Burglars' Guild
'Carpe Aurum!'

 

*Fliers posted in Mellsbury, Reedsborough, and Rivershire*

 

Founded earlier this morning by part-time International Criminal Mastermind Cabbage 'bit of a *****' Took III, the Extremely Exclusive and Fashionable Guild of Burglars, Kleptomancers, and Squid Fanatics boasts a long, lucrative history of organized crime, underfooted deals, and premeditated debauchery. Operating out of a top secret evil lair beneath the Mellsbury communal outhouse, this mysterious gang of exceedingly handsome villains fights tirelessly to free the good citizens of Axios from their plague of material possessions and unneighborly hoarding habits.

 

 

Employment Opportunities
Gang☆Star - Squid Pope Cabbage 'alcohol was involved in this decision' Took III

 

Burglars - Honest, hardworking salarymen licensed in the ancient Halfling art of burglary.

 

Muscle (Bigguns*) - Burgles things on high shelves.

*(in accordance with the Burglars Guild's diversity outreach initiative we are currently trialing Bigguns as 'honorary burglars', consisting of whatever impressionable young bystanders that happen to be around at the moment's convenience)

 

Solicitors - Oversees door-to-door loitering and insurance sales, and SPREADS THE GLORIOUS WORD OF SQUIDGOD TO HEATHENOUS KNOXIST SWINE.

 

Getaway Driver - Drives the boat.

 

 

Burglars' Insurance 
For just nine easy payments of 9.95*, you too can be protected from burglars by burglars. Guild sponsored Burglars' Insurance packets protect unsuspecting pigeons like you from the unscheduled home intrusions of licensed burglaring professionals. While we can't stop the unlawful actions of unlicensed burglars, we can provide much needed moral support in the aftermath of their devilish crimes.

 

Act now and we'll throw in a luxurious Harian-catskin rug! Our gift to you (while supplies last).

 

*all transactions must be conducted using approved Burglars' Guild currency i.e. suggestively-shaped turnips, amusing hats, fancy tea sets, bitcoins, and industrial grade mustache wax. All contracts are final, no take backsies.

 

Rules: 
#1: Don't tell the sheriff
#2: Always wipe your feet before entering a client's home.
#3: Lift with your legs.
#4: Arugula Wills It
#5: Have Fun!

 

Diplomatic Relations
Sheriff's Office - Enemies
Cobblers' Guild - Enemies
Cephalopod Appreciation Club - Friendly
Church of Arugula - Splits the rent

 

Upcoming Events
Pantry Raid Panty Raid
also pantry raid
Company Picnic

 

To-Steal List: 
paint for the posters
new getaway boat
the Krug Fried Chicken szechuan sauce secret recipe

Application Form: (Halflings Only!)

 

Codename: 
How tough are ye?: 
((wanna take this rp to skype??)):

 

Please address all applications, inquiries, fan mail, love confessions, and solicitors to the Secret Lair Beneath the Loo, Piss Room Ln. Mellsbury, Haysend.
 

[NotEvilAtAll 10906]

((I've heard of this organization before, and heck, I've even been a part of it. However, I still can't tell if this is a meme or if it is serious, it's just too silly and non-formal

[Desu Vult 35]

1 hour ago, NotEvilAtAll said:

I still can't tell if this is a meme or if it is serious, it's just too silly and non-formal

 

((Thank you for summing up the Halfling race.))

[ForeverGinger 148]

A certain ginger halfling mutters angrily under his breath, "Stinkin' guild, turnin' me inta' some sorta 'ipster tool.  I wus stealin' things b'for it wus cool!"

[Guest]

Moved to The Great Library. It shall be sorted into the appropriate category shortly.

 

If you feel this is a mistake, please contact myself or any FM and we'll restore it.