How to Raise Piggies and Slaughter Monsters

[Cosmik 220]

Fifteen. Sixteen. Seventeen.

 

Seventeen pigs in the pen.

 

The Keeper sighed. He was one short, and his patience was thin. He knew the culprit instantly - a younger breed, shorter than his brothers but rippled with fat. White hair. Black spots. A good candidate for a roast, not only by virtue of his body but because of his attitude. He hated the thing, but begrudgingly raised it. 

 

The Keeper wished he could strangle the pig now, but instead, he walked up the hill and surveyed the open fields. His shadow spread wide over the grass, black against fading sunlight.

 

There. He saw the pig walking into the woods, following a green glow. 

 

A glow from eight round eyes.

 

His breath caught. He watched the pig as it was led further into the wood, undoubtedly to that hole in the ground half a mile out.

 

He knew this day would come soon, and rather than solve it, he put it off. Now the beastie had grown bolder. It had taken from his stock. And it would lust for more.

 

The Keeper shivered as memories floated back to him, thoughts of skittering and screaming and fangs ripping his skin like tissue paper. He banished them with a grunt. The aged Dark Elf had let his nerve lead him astray.

 

As he returned to his house, his fists shook in contempt. 

 

As he later emerged, he didn’t bother locking up.

 

———
 

Quote

 

Pigs, as you may be aware, stem from a race of mighty tusked boar that may have terrorized ancient life before our memory began. Nowadays, they are far less angry. If anything, they are happily stupid.

 

Your swine must be housed in an enclosure that is twice as long as it is wide. Fifteen square meters per pig. A quarter of it should have a roof and shredded hay for a bed.

 

Their instinct demands that they defecate by their water source, so keep this in mind when placing their drink. A running current is ideal, but if unavailable, they will consume 11 liters daily. Plan accordingly.

 

All portions of the pig may be consumed in some fashion - including the hooves - and not one bit lacks flavor. You may thank the swine’s engorged fat reserves. They can survive on slop from your table, but grow best when fed a slurry of wheat mixed with ground pheasant. The meat fortifies their bodies and encourages growth. When allowed access to their own feed, a single pig will grow half a kilogram per day.

 

When the swine has reached one hundred kilograms, it will have grown to love you with the feeble mind it possesses. It shall return dutifully to its bedding each day, and it will never upset the cycle of life that guarantees it food and water.

 

This is when you kill the pig.

 

 

 

 

———

 

Beasties, as he’d learned, came in all shapes and sizes. No one could anticipate what life lurks beyond the walls of civilization. These beasties in particular carried a horrible power.

 

He approached an open clearing in the wood and stomped his foot. Slowly, the earth before him moved, and he heard clicking. For a moment, he almost lost his reserve. 

 

Then he was bathed in green light.

 

A hulking creature rose from the earth, smelling of decay and dirt, its mandibles shifting as it surveyed the Keeper. The plate of false earth was glued to its abdomen with a foul grey substance. It’s eyes shined with hypnotic influence, swirling with an empty insectile glare. It was accustomed to waiting until its prey was properly befuddled, then it would reach forward with those eight hulking legs and drag its meal into the depths below. 

 

The spider searched for the Dark Elf’s eyes, as instincts demanded. This one’s eyes were quite strange. Flat. Shiny. A strange color. The spider weaved his head back and forth, slowly inching closer.

 

He raised his bow, and three arrows met three eyes.

 

The beast reeled, screaming in a boiling cry as its light flickered. Its hairy legs scraped against the leaves as it tried to disappear into the ground, as life ebbed from its horrible body. The light slowly faded. 

 

The Keeper exhaled, shivering, as he adjusted the large spectacles bound to his head. The world was pink through the tinted glass, but it was better than green.

 

He walked backward twenty paces and returned with a burlap sack, which he tucked under the spider’s corpse. He pulled a long fuse free from its coil. Grunting, he struck it alight.

 

The Keeper ran for cover.

 

———

 

Quote

 

Slaughter is a messy business, but it can be minimal. The creature’s simple trust in you, the caregiver, allows you to move it somewhere out of earshot with ease.

 

The slaughterhouse should have a smooth rock floor, with a chain to bind the thing. Shackle it by a front leg; they are slightly thicker, and if the pig tries escaping, its face will be towards you once it reaches the end of the chain. Ideally, though, you should keep the pig content, since stress may harm the meat.

 

Look at the pig’s head. Draw a mental line from its right ear to its left eye, then another from left ear to right eye. X marks the spot where its skull is thin and sensitive. You should strike it there with a large hammer to stun the pig. If successful, it will fall to the earth. Once done, you may pierce the heart.

 

The heart and lungs alone are inside the pig’s rib cage, which you may feel by running a hand firmly from the bottom of its neck downward. Stick a long knife between the fourth and sixth rib. The heart is directly centered, unlike most two-legged men.

 

Hold the pig down and let it bleed until it dies.

 

 

———

 

The smell was revolting.

 

The elf walked toward the smoldering hole, sidestepping bits of flaming spider. The ground was splattered with muck, some of it hissing through the foliage, but his path had been cleared. A much larger hole lied before him.

 

Over his long lifetime, he’d had plenty of time to hate things, but spiders carried a special place in his hating heart. At one point, they had been more than a foul beastie... they’d been a symbol. A pet of a people most foul, who raided his township day and night, who wore coverings to avoid the punishment of sunlight. Those warriors taught him the meaning of suffering.

 

When the Bane broke, they did unspeakable things to him.

 

He stooped down and collected a flaming branch, holding it over the dark shaft. As it fell, he saw a corridor that widened with depth, covered in thick grey webbing. It dropped maybe 50 meters before thudding to the earth, smoldering but still maintaining a flame. Through his pink goggles, he could see the corpse of a pig. His pig. Little piggy had a hole where its head should’ve been. 

 

The Keeper glanced sideways at a fragment of the spider’s face. “You’re not the only beastie.”, he said in a gravelly tone. It did not reply; it just kept burning. 

 

When he looked back into the hole, he didn’t see the pig.

 

He saw forty green eyes, heard the thunder of muscled legs against the walls, heard their mouths chittering in rage. 

 

The elf began to tremble, and he ran for his life. Five large spiders gave chase.

 

———
 

Quote

 

If this is your first slaughter, you should sacrifice some of the meat for an educational dissection. This shall help you immensely.

 

Spread the pig with its legs in four different directions, and run a knife from the bottom of its chin down the length of its body. You’ll have to saw at the skin at times. You ought to purchase a thick knife for this purpose alone.

 

The rib cage will take up the top half of the body. If you take your hammer to the center, you can break them away. Swine hearts are small but unmistakable. The accompanying sacs are its lungs.

 

The other sacs outside the ribs are organs, and each has a purpose. Over my lifetime, I have experimented with the pig, and multiple times have I surgically removed one organ to ascertain its purpose. My notes are below:

 

Stomach: contains harsh acid and is connected to the thing’s mouth tube. All food is melted inside this organ. Without it, the pig will be unable to process its food. Secondly, if this organ is pierced in life, its acid will spread throughout the body and harm it immensely.

 

Intestine: the long series of tubes that runs throughout the pig. It is here that the pig absorbs everything it needs from the food, and by the time slurry reaches the end, there is nothing left but feces. For this reason, malfunctioned intestine will cause the pig to waste away and die no matter what it eats.

 

Liver: the dark sac under the stomach. This acts as some kind of filter, and blood runs through it. When I removed the liver from a pig, foul material accumulated throughout its body and it passed from sickness. I imagine this sac sends such filth to the intestine for disposal.

 

Pancreas: lumpy and by the stomach. Has something to do with growth and development. Damage means that the swine will no longer grow or reach maturity. Removal in adults will eventually cause death similarly to the liver, but I’m uncertain as to why.

 

Kidneys: two of them, bean-shaped. The pig can live on just one if necessary, which is the only reason I detail it. Not sure what they do, but they taste good when cooked and served on bread.

 

Everything else in there is something I haven’t learned about yet. With time, I’ll piece together everything. Or, if you’re curious, go find a Mali’aheral since they seem to know damn near everything...

 

 

 

 

———

 

The spiders sounded like angry cattle, thudding against the earth as they pursued the Keeper. He frequently glanced back in terror, watching how they gained on him. Their legs expertly maneuvered the brush that he had to sidestep.

 

There was no subtle hypnosis at play. Their eyes shone with a beastly anger, and they lusted for elven blood. All else was forgotten.

 

He broke free of the tree line and hurried through the grass. Multiple shadows danced before him, cast by the green light that loomed from behind. 

 

He cleared into the mud pit, and felt his legs splashing against something that stuck to him like syrup. As he neared the torchlight of his home, he looked down at himself. His legs dripped with black oil.

 

The Keeper had learned much in his lifetime about monsters, and more often than not, they could usually be burned to death.

 

The elf dropped his bow and ripped a torch off his wall. He turned, facing the beasts that were splashing through the puddle of oil he’d prepared. With a primal roar, he threw the burning stick at them. 

 

Pigs scrambled and screeched from their beds as the night’s second explosion rocked their stable. 

 

The Keeper slammed against the wood of his home. Groaning, he blinked away the stars in his eyes and watched through cracked pink lenses. Searing heat was consuming the monsters. Their bodies crackled in the fire as they screamed, curling up into balls against the grass.

 

When the noise had died down, he slowly approached the spreading fire, drawing harsh breath. 

 

One. Two... there’s three. No, four. Four bodies.

 

“Where’s—“, he mumbled, right as the last beastie flanked from his right, its legs pinning him to the ground. The spider rammed its head into his belly, and fangs pierced through his worn clothes. 

 

The Keeper screamed.

 

———

 

Quote

 

Now, if you wish to process a pig for it’s meat, you won’t cut it so brazenly. There’s a simple process that will minimize the chances of infected meat, and give you the most material. You can begin this with your second pig.

 

Firstly, remove the hair. This is most efficiently done with scalding hot water, or fire. I prefer fire, since you need to burn the nails off anyway for removal. Take a scraping knife to the burnt skin until gone.

 

String the swine upside-down by its legs. You’ll want to remove the head first, then store in clean water for later, or simply toss if you don’t want it. You’ll need to tie off the end of the intestine that feeds into the anus, otherwise, its waste will spill against the meat. Do this on both ends.

 

Once tied, cut the pig from its anus all the way down to where the head was. Do the same along its back. Have a trough ready to dispose of the organs, but handle them carefully. The kidneys are good when cooked, and the heart can be good once cleaned of blood, but throw away everything else. You may have other livestock that’ll consume it.

 

Once you finish cutting the pig in half, you can slowly begin dissecting each piece. This is easy to accomplish as long as you follow the natural folds and connections of the muscles. With practice, you will excel, but I’ve sketched some diagrams below as a learning reference...

 

 

 

 

———

 

Vomit swelled in his mouth as the Keeper lashed out, striking the spider’s eyes with his fists. It blinked and screeched at him, veering off for a few moments.

 

The elf’s vision swam and wavered as venom coursed through his body. That, coupled with the pain, would’ve sent a normal man directly into unconsciousness. The Keeper, however, clung to life as desperately as he could. He clawed at his side for a dagger.

 

The spider returned and loomed over him, blinding him with a ghastly light that rivaled the sun. He cursed and plunged the knife at that sun. It went out. 

 

Angered, the spider bit him a second time, pumping his body full of that sickly purple venom. This time, the Keeper did vomit. But he kept stabbing. Both elf and spider roared at each other, lashing out in agony, until the spider’s movements slowed to a halt. It tried to puncture his belly but only managed to fall atop of him, and the multiple holes in its head finally took effect. 

 

The Keeper vaguely tried to get out from under the crushing carapace, but failed to do so. Like certain times in his past, the spider’s poison overcame his resolve, and his scarred head hit the ground. His body stopped twitching.

 

The elf passed out, his mind sinking back to an island cave, where he last felt such a poison. Where the Mori strung him up like a pig and butchered him.

 

———

 

Quote

 

I’ve known proud warriors who still find discomfort in preparing a pig for the table. This isn’t out of the ordinary. Working with stock is a messy job, and many folk are displeased with the gore that satisfies their hunger. I’ve known a couple that swore off meat entirely after such an experience.

 

(That, in my opinion, is utterly ridiculous... but I digress.)

 

For us to survive in these troubled times, sacrifice must be made. Many noble men and evil men have risen and fallen over the millennium that we can recall. Some die the death they deserve... but most do not.

 

Life and death exist in a tandem, and those who claim allegiance to one side are mistaken. Just as we must kill the pig, the cow, the chicken, and the sheep for our sustenance, the world must take our lives. Nature will always follow its course.

 

This may be a tad... unrelated to pig farming. But maybe you’ve been wondering these things, as a novice farmer, experimenting with life and death for yourself. Soon enough, you will realize that the cycle will continue.

 

The Balance will always persist. Your role is to enforce it.

 

 

 

———

 

The sun rose, and set, on a burnt field in the middle of nowhere. 

 

The Keeper leaned on his staff and watched as the fifth carcass burned where it lied. His robes were open, exposing a set of bandages that encased everything from his nipples to his hips. 

 

Despite the Balance, and the beasties, the Keeper lived on. 

 

He slowly limped to the stable he’d built with his own two hands. The pigs approached him, eagerly searching for a table scrap, or bit of sugar. He scratched one behind the ear, and it happily grunted at him.

 

 

 

The dark elf wept. 

[Chorale__ 2147]

Moved to The Great Library. It shall be sorted into the appropriate category shortly.

 

If you feel this is a mistake, please contact myself or any FM and we'll restore it.