Brandybrook defeats Sutica! (Beetroot News Volume 1)

[NotEvilAtAll 10906]

Spoiler

 

[!] A piece of halfling propaganda is spread across the village and across Sutica

The Beetroot News!

Better than the rest!

 

Contents:

~WE WIN! YOU LOSE!~

~Determining the average body odor of Suticans~

~You won’t believe how big this burrow is!~

 

WE WIN! YOU LOSE!

~The halflings of Brandybrook face off against dumb Sutican bigguns in a Shogging Tournament!~

Sutica has proven itself to be just as bad at shogging as we thought! The proud champions and shoggers of Brandybrook have dealt them a sound defeat! The foolish Suticans, having challenged us, the creators of shogging, to play against them within our homeland, have nobody but themselves to blame! And blame them we will! Whenever you see a Sutican on the street, remind them of our victory on this day! We will not let them forget it!

 

Determining the average body odor of the Suticans

Anyone who has smelt dozens of unwashed bodies congregating in one area will know what it is like to smell the typical Sutican. Bathing is a foreign concept to these primitive peoples. However, more research needs to be done in order to determine exactly what sort of smell permeates Sutican residents.

Option A: Suticans smell like rotting pumpkins.

Option B: Suticans smell like moldy cheese.

Please let me know your thoughts!

 

You won’t believe how big this burrow is!

My gosh! Look at how large this burrow is! You can fit an entire family in here and then some! This here is the Greenholm family burrow, one of the newest and largest burrows in all of Brandybrook for one of the newest and largest halfling families. Superior halfling architecture keeps it from crumbling under the weight of the earth above it! Superb halfling furniture decorates its insides! This burrow truly is the pinnacle of halfling greatness!

 

That’s all for now folks!

~Filibert Applefoot, 

local halfling know-it-all.

[Inkthorn 1434]

Victor C. Halcourt, editor-in-chief of The Helena Herald, sends a letter to Filibert Applefoot commending them and welcoming their company into the journalism industry. “Hopefully Beetroot News continues to be a beacon of light, illuminating the way through Brandybook for all halflingkind well into the future, “ he remarked to himself.