Drowning in Drink - My Problems With Oren

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My Problems With Oren

By Sprinkles Clownstburger, Jr.

 

As you may know, my father, beloved children’s entertainer, and one-time parliamentary hopeful Sprinkles Clownstburger Sr., struggled with alcoholism. He fought valiantly, keeping a smile on his lips and a joke on the tongue. But, like a man stranded at sea, he eventually was overcome by the water and drowned in his vice. I believe that my father could have been saved, if not for the culture of barbaric drunkenness our empire is morassed in. But like a foul weed, this drunkenness is but a blossom from the deep root of corruption. 

 

The tavern is the centerpiece of every Orenian town. It is the most convenient place for groups to convene, slick with social lubricants, teeming with lowlives and loose women. There are no laws in place to bar children from these establishments, or even to discourage the taverneers from hiring children as cheap labor. Thus, from an early age, the youth of Oren are introduced to the low morals of the tavern. They are taught in the ways of the tavern; drinking and double-dealing, laying odds and committing usury.

 

Despite being a popular establishment with a constant stream of revenue, the Dragon’s Rest Tavern of Helena pays less in taxes than immiserated working families. Despite her position as a landlord in fee of the most valuable property in the town, the owner of the Bed and Breakfast refuses to pay taxes. Since these establishments reap the reward of business in Helena but pay less than their fair share to the Crown, our commonwealth pays them to stay afloat. I must ask you, would you rather your tax papers go to the flophouse and the gambling den, or to the library and the courts?

 

As an entertainer, my father felt the pull of the tavern life. He could not have avoided it. But it was the loose morals and the expectation of public drunkenness that killed him. It was the heedless regard for the appearance of prosperity, furnished by bustling taverns and glittering gambling parlors, that created a world where an innocent clown could not avoid the bottle.

 

I must ask you, mighty Orenian commonwealth, will we let this go on? Will we allow drink to sap the mirth and vitality from our youth? Or will we dig up the problem at the root, demanding fair taxation, stronger temperance laws, proscriptions on child labor, and investments in healthier and more robust institutions of civil service? With elections on the horizon, the choice is ours. For Sprinkles’s sake, I pray we make the right choice.

 

Yours,

S. Clownstburger, Jr.