Abandonment.

[Neviah 975]

Spoiler

[!] Just a POV of Alucard's current depression ngl. Poor dude. Keep in mind this is not irp knowledge - it's just for funzies. btw wrote this 3:11am - 4:45am please help.

"WHY?"

Called a young elf who kneeled upon the fire-lands of the west.

 

Is it something I've done? For what purpose must I suffer under such conditions? All I have ever done has been for those I care for, my Asioth is not to 'fit in', it is to embrace my true self and to protect the people I care about. I do ne think to ever understand what fate has in store for me, but I truly wish I did at times. I have been abandoned by my friends, my family, my teachers, everyoem I seem to try to protect just leaves me. And so for what purpose, I ask of you Arch-Draakar? I know fate cannot answer me, but couldn't you? I don't want to be swept under the rug anymore like I am some foolish dust you don't want to clean up, I don't want to be left out anymore - for people to stop telling me they'll explain later and never doing so. To be here, in this moment, I had to have done something right? To be placed upon my knees, begging for guidance... just help me, I beg of you.

 

Crystal tears fall, as do his hopes. Lava cracks and boils, he shouldn't stay out here too much longer.

 

Won't someoem see that I suffer so? Can't you hear me, the others? Hear how we suffer, how we mourn. I just want to understand, am I making mistakes? Did I do badly with my life thus far? People tell me to turn back from the path I walk, and yet I cannot help but continue forwards upon it… what do I do? How can I truly keep on going if people keep dragging me back to where they want me to be? Can’t you help me… can’t anyoem?

"What the **** am I supposed to do? Can't you lead me? …Can’t you help me?"

Alucard screamed at the top of his lungs, pleading for some type of answer - even though he knew deep down such a thing wouldn’t be granted to him. He ended up breaking down in a coughing fit, the terrain of the fire-lands seemingly getting to him.

Does living even matter anymore? Without them I have no purpose, without them… am I truly relevant? …Have I just been used this entire time? I wish I had them here; Sarah, Fae, Juniper, Remon, Marius, Nehtamo, Hera, Ysivryn, Qard, Vothdrem, Doomforged, and so many others. I wish Eldrin was here, why did she leave me so soon? My haelun, I was only thirteen. What if I had stayed with the purists? Done my part, stayed away from people and things they deemed ‘ata, where would I be then? Happier than I am now…? Ne. I wouldn’t be myself, I wouldn’t be free like I am now… right?

“Please.”
Alucard collapsed forwards, going from kneeling to laying face flat on the ashy ground. He let out a frustrated huff, knowing his body couldn’t handle such a place, he stood up shakily - gazing out into the distance. He waited.

Pure Silence
And so he left, stumbling off and up onto his steed, riding back to the beginning of his life - Lubba Keep.

[satinkira 5795]

As Alucard rode across the green plains, a small, lively bird alighted and nestled in his backpack.