[✗] [Magic Lore] Yeu Rthulu's Reborn Stars

[sarahbarah 7105]

awesome sauce!!!!!!!!! i wish you luck friend

[Stag 3229]

Nice formatting & tone.

 

but it feels disconnected both in theming and structure. 

[Stag 3229]

Okay, had a long second  & third read. Want to preface this by saying even though I am reworking/rewriting my own piece for Celestialism (star-themed magic) I like all star themed magic. Which is why this might come off as a bit harsh. My apologies.

 

It is way too dense to understand. I can’t tell if it is forced grammatical choices or a lack of editing but I cannot for the life of me make out a clear picture of this lore. The star theming seems almost like a costume. It doesn’t really mesh with what you are introducing lore for.

 

The names of things is nice and the theming for abilities is somewhat unified. But only in the naming. 
 

This feels like a piece that needs some heavy editing and even then I don’t think anyone is going to have an easy time understanding what exactly it is or does. How do you fix that? I am not quite sure. 

[F1F4 121]

6 hours ago, BrandNewKitten said:

Okay, had a long second  & third read. Want to preface this by saying even though I am reworking/rewriting my own piece for Celestialism (star-themed magic) I like all star themed magic. Which is why this might come off as a bit harsh. My apologies.

 

It is way too dense to understand. I can’t tell if it is forced grammatical choices or a lack of editing but I cannot for the life of me make out a clear picture of this lore. The star theming seems almost like a costume. It doesn’t really mesh with what you are introducing lore for.

 

The names of things is nice and the theming for abilities is somewhat unified. But only in the naming. 
 

This feels like a piece that needs some heavy editing and even then I don’t think anyone is going to have an easy time understanding what exactly it is or does. How do you fix that? I am not quite sure. 

Thank you for your input. I hope I'm able to clarify some things in this response.

I believe calling it dense is fair; it is lengthy, and the way it was originally formulated was challenging to pursue, given the nature of the theme and the chosen deity. However, I do disagree that it lacks coherence, however. The concepts were intentionally connected through a clear chain. Each section was written to connect both narratively and mechanically, forming a consistent progression from origins to modern practice. That was before I found the hard way that Yeu was dead; however, the subject itself is about a fallen deity and divine intervention from Yeu Rthulu. Simplicity would undercut what it was meant to represent. And how Compassion and Contentment were able to fuse with the very idea of preservation, to influence continuity and protection as sisters to the primary theme. 

The star-theme is also not a 'costume'. It is part of the internal logic of preservation: the shard is the literal ancient remnants of the fallen deity - a deity that used preservation as a tool for destruction, which was then preserved by Yeu Rthulu to influence a larger gathering of followers without giving a shoutout to the fallen deity, mostly pity. The unification in names is also a chain of narrative storytelling; they are linked stages of forming the magic together.
- Celestine > Celestial Shard > Modern Three Seats of Shards > Attunement, etc. 

After I had received feedback and proofread it, it seemed that coherence was present, and those who read it did understand the concept and the intention/niche it aims to provide. I had made many edits over the past few months to give it my best in regard to the content of this magic. Nonetheless, I do recognise that clarity can always be improved, and I will continue to try my best in reforming it and improving it for the enjoyment of those who have shown love for this type of magic, perhaps by rewriting some sections, adding OOC notes for clarification, etc. Again, thank you for your feedback, and I hope next time around won't disappoint.

Edited November 26, 2025 by F1F4

[Aelesh 540]

I'd be more than happy to chat to you about your goals with this and help you edit it.  Do sling a DM my way if you'd like to discuss.

[Stag 3229]

6 hours ago, Aelesh said:

I'd be more than happy to chat to you about your goals with this and help you edit it.  Do sling a DM my way if you'd like to discuss.

 

Don’t neglect this offer! Aelesh could really help this piece out!

[F1F4 121]

54 minutes ago, BrandNewKitten said:

 

Don’t neglect this offer! Aelesh could really help this piece out!

Not at all! We're already working on it :)

[Plausifraunz 361]

Wowzah. This looks really cool. I've read it through, skimmed through some comments and, while I myself am still realtively new to the  server (2 years for most lotc players is still a baby), I don't think I could ever persue such a feat as writing up a whole magic.

 

It reads great firstly. I understand how the concepts intertwine, what's going on relatively speaking, and there were only a few times when wording I think sort of threw me off and I had to reread. But point being, if you understand the concepts, the low level of it and how things flow, its easy to pick up how the rest fits in. It's very wordy, albiet, especially in the spells. That's where I got lost more often then not. 

 

Otherwise I think it's a good untapped niche magic-wise that a lot of people would like, and a little upsetting the lore got side trained by the news that the aengul this is based around being dead. I hope this can be reworked to fit in with the server because this is a pretty cool concept that even I'd be interested in. 

 

Best of luck! This looks awesome.

[F1F4 121]

19 minutes ago, Plausifraunz said:

Wowzah. This looks really cool. I've read it through, skimmed through some comments and, while I myself am still realtively new to the  server (2 years for most lotc players is still a baby), I don't think I could ever persue such a feat as writing up a whole magic.

 

It reads great firstly. I understand how the concepts intertwine, what's going on relatively speaking, and there were only a few times when wording I think sort of threw me off and I had to reread. But point being, if you understand the concepts, the low level of it and how things flow, its easy to pick up how the rest fits in. It's very wordy, albiet, especially in the spells. That's where I got lost more often then not. 

 

Otherwise I think it's a good untapped niche magic-wise that a lot of people would like, and a little upsetting the lore got side trained by the news that the aengul this is based around being dead. I hope this can be reworked to fit in with the server because this is a pretty cool concept that even I'd be interested in. 

 

Best of luck! This looks awesome.

Yes, it's being reworked currently for its origins, and how it applies to the rest. Thank you so much for the compliments, and I'm really glad you actually enjoyed the concept of it.

[hearth_ 1023]

Incredible work. Issue of Yeu being dead aside, this is an engaging concept I'd really love to have the chance to encounter and I think it's time we bring in another deific magic. Hope it passes with revisions to the Aengul.

[Werew0lf 24179]

This looks nice.

[Nozgoth 3083]

quavinir magic

[wx4927 82]

OMG! Me and my friends were screaming in VC upon seeing this. You and others that helped you did amazing work and I hope this is gets accepted

[F1F4 121]

3 hours ago, wx4927 said:

OMG! Me and my friends were screaming in VC upon seeing this. You and others that helped you did amazing work and I hope this is gets accepted

It will not be accepted inevitably unfortunately; however look forward to the rewrite/improved version of Saphiel worked on by myself, Aelesh and some others! :)

[wx4927 82]

2 hours ago, F1F4 said:

It will not be accepted inevitably unfortunately; however look forward to the rewrite/improved version of Saphiel worked on by myself, Aelesh and some others! :)

NOOOO!!!! Damn, you still did good, I can't wait to see the Rewrite/improved version