[Denied]My 3Rd Application

[Rivk Zavadsky 700]

Out-Of-Character Information

Please fill out the following questions as accurately as possible, and ensure the essential details are accurate.

Minecraft Account Name: Griff28

How old are you?:12

Time-Zone:Central time USA

Have you read, understood and agreed to the rules?: Yes

What previous experience have you had in role-playing?: I roleplayed on a server called Calsky Island.

How did you hear about the the Lord of the Craft?:My friends told me about it

Link any applications that you have previously made for the server:http:http://www.lordofthecraft.net/forum/index.php?/topic/80825-my-2nd-application/

Have you posted this application on the Minecraft Forum? If not, then please do so (link above):no

Have you read the Human lore, and shall you ensure you make use of it and follow it in your biography?:yes

Definitions

In your own words define the following terms. Do not take any definitions from elsewhere!:

Role-playing:You create your own character and act as you want him or her to b3

Meta-gaming:Meta gaming is taking out of character information to influence your character in roleplay.

Power-emoting: When you use an action upon another character. Heres a example: John was mad at bill john grabed him shirt then punched him.

In-Character Information:

Complete the following biography on your character:

Full Name:Rick Felder

Current Age: 28

Sub-race (if any):

Past / History (include childhood, major-events, etc. 2+ paragraphs long): My Name is Rick Felder I lived in Salvus with my mom,dad,and my 2 brothers.My Dad wanted to become a leader of soilders for The Holy Oren empire but they didn't want him.My grandma and my moms sister died of the 37th year. When I was 5 I wanted to become a knight when I grew up. When I was 7 my mom became sick and died from a plague like disease.My father wanted me to stay away from other people incase I was sick.But a weeek later they discovered she ate something poisononous and got sick. I lived with my 2 brothers Marcus and Jonathan and my dad Zach. When I was 9 I was a very smart kid and loved the wilderness. When i was 13 my dad let me explore the wilderness with my brothers. One time we were walking in the forest and then we saw a bandit killing a person we caught the bandit and handed him to the gaurds. The gaurds thanked us for bringing the bandit in because he killed about 30 people in his life.

One day my dad was killed by some bandits and my whole family was sad because of such a good man he was.4 days later the bandits were caught dead in the river. My gandfather watched me and my brothers for 5 years. My grandfather adbandoned me when I was 20.We were lonely and we lived outside. My Brothers adventured and me well I explored the wilderness hunted learned to survive alone.My brothers told me that I was the best adventurer they've ever seen.When I was 23 I had a girlfriend but then she got sick with a disease that killed her in 9 days.I was lonely for the rest of my life but still was learning how to survive alone. When I was done I wanted to be a soilder and protect the land from any dangers.

Ambitions for the Future: Protect citizens and be a soilder

Personality: Hunt and fight against enemies

Skills: Sword,Bow,Mining,and fishing

Appearance (this must include an in-game screenshot of your skin):http://imgur.com/SFeYfnZ

Any other details you wish to share about your character: no not really

Open-Response-Questions

Each question in this section must be answered with a minimum of one paragraph which must describe the event in full. Please be as descriptive as possible and do not break character or lore at any point.

____

1. Whilst in the mighty human capital you notice a dark-clothed figure stealthily making his way towards the Emperor’s palace - he is clearly up to no good. There are guards within shouting distance - what do you do?

Answer: Me: What are you doing Man: Shut up idiot. Me: Im just asking. Man: If you don't shut up *Man takes out a knife* * I Take out a axe* *he comes at me and stabs my left arm* Me: gaaaaahh!!!!!!!!! *Hits his knee with a with back of my axe* Man: How you will have to pay for this you idiot *gets up* *punches up with my left arm* *his nose starts to bleed* He kicks me in the face*. *I tackled him*. *3 gaurds come over and break up the fight*. Gaurd 1: Stop it now you 2!!! Gaurd 2: The one with dark clothing must be a bandit of some type! Gaurd 3: this man was trying to stop him from doing something bad. *Gaurds take him to jail*. *They give me a award for saving the palace*

2. Whilst wandering in the deep oak forest you come across a large clearing, in which sits a small cobbled cottage. Outside it stands an unstable old man armed with a small iron blade, surrounded by two heavily armed bandits - they appear to be threatening him. You are armed with leather armour and an iron longsword, how do you react?

Answer: Man: Get away from my cottage you jerks! Bandit 1: No you old man. Bandit 2: Get away or we will kill you!! Man: No this is where I live you jerks! * Bandit 1 gets closer to him then grabs his neck* Me: STOP IT YOU 2!! *runs after bandit 1 then tackles him* *bandit 2 throws me off of bandit 1* *I punch bandit 2* *Man cuts bandit's 1 leg with the small dagger* *Bandit 2 head bumps me* *I fall* * Old man stabs bandit one fastly* * I get up and put my sword through bandit 2's back. *We bring their bodies to the nearest gaurd post and then the gaurds buried thier bodies*

3. You are standing within the mighty human capital when you notice a small man standing behind a colourful stall. You approach the stall and notice that the man is selling a variety of general goods - he says that he is selling just about anything and that he has no set prices. He is willing to allow you to haggle and choose prices. What do you do? (Explain: your haggling, items of choice and the discussion that happens).

Answer: Me: Hello. Small man: Well how there fella!. Small man: We have 3 wooden pickaxe. 7 raw steaks, porkchops,chicken, and all kinds of wool. Me: I see you don't have any prices for these items! Small man: Yes yes you are allowed to haggle at this shop. Me: Ill buy one piece of red wool and i'll give you 20 minas. Small man: No. Im not accepting that price for that. Me: There is wool around here for about 15 minas! Small man: but this is hand made. *I make a mad face* Me: Every piece of wool is hand made. Small man: Yes but this has a scent to it. Me: Fine 40 minas. Small man: ok sure! *Gives him 40 minas* Me: ok thanks. Small man: any other items you would like to buy. Me:No thanks. Small man: Goodbye and have a good day. Me: You to.

[Roxforbraynz 251]

Denied

 

After having read through your application, it seems that you're trying to improve, which is good.

Though I feel that you should be denied for the following reasons:

 

1.   Your definitions are rather vague and short. Could you perhaps expand upon them and possibly give a meta-gaming example?

 

2.  Your biography is, to be blunt, lacking or too general. I see a lot of potential for expansion in your biography.

I was also ever so slightly confused throughout; the story is kind of all over the place.

I'm also a bit wary about the part where you captured an armed and dangerous thief when you were only thirteen... further explanation would ease my doubts about it.

Perhaps add more lore as well? Currently you only have two city names.

 

3.  Your Open Response Questions could use some cleaning up and probably be written better.

 

4.  Finally, your grammar is rather poor and there are errors throughout your application.

Could you please try to improve your grammar? It would make your application look much nicer.

 

 

With that said, you must wait at least twenty four hours from the time of this denial. This is to give you time to go over your application and improve upon it. If you have questions about your application or would like some help, feel free to send me a message. I'd be glad to help.

Good luck on your next application!

[Roxforbraynz 251]

Moved to Denied Forum