This lore has been denied.
Hey there, I would highly recommend heavily getting some time on the server to roleplay as other CAs/MAs to get a feel for how the server, its setting, and its mechanics blend together to make a cohesive lorepiece. Most people who submit lore don't get it accepted within their first year of playing the server as they're still adjusting to the setting and getting a feel for how things are done. There is an extensive Lore Criteria (the first two subforums) which covers a ton of ground for what lore is expected to look like, what succeeds, where to innovate and where you will fail. I immensely recommend reading through those subforums in full, as an understanding of them helped me a lot in writing better lore myself.
Writing a new lorepiece- let alone a rewrite nor a reimplementation of old lore- is perhaps the hardest thing to write in LotC. A new magic takes dozens of hours of writing usually to be anywhere near a degree needed to pass, often taking months on end- its genuinely something which needs a lot of work to create. Writing anything on LotC takes a lot of time when going into it, and I suggest that deeply- don't rush into anything, be slow about this, and analyze what you are working on carefully; posting your ideas in Creative Writing helps greatly.