The Mail-In Bardic Service

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       A leaflet is pasted on the doors of all the johns/**** boxes/latrines/outhouses/places where you go to to relieve yourself.

 

 

The Mail-In Bardic Service is now open to be used and abused!

 

The Mail-In Bardic Service, or ‘Bard's Guild,’ is a mostly mail/bird/magic words in your mind based group that is your one stop place for all bardic s with a hit! Here, songs will be collected and swapped. Here, you can hire bards, or maybe seek someone to teach you a song or two!

 

Songs

 

The Great Pink Haired Man

There once lived a dwarf named Pikel Boldshoulder

His hair, colourful

His heart, much bolder

He came to us in our hour of need

He lived by a creed, did a great deed

He and 4 brave warriors

Face with many barriers

The did it with great haste

Only 4 were turned paste

He asked for no fame

Not even a dame

So if you see pink

You’d better rethink

That could be Pikel Boldshoulder

Admittedly, much older

The Maiden of Alrash

A maiden from Alrash

The subject of my wonder

And also the rash

That is down under

Fatbuttum Silverblade

Second of her name

Although I’m not afraid to admit I paid

I still could not make her tame

And on the morrow

My wallet empty, my needs fulfilled

To my horror, I gaze upon her

My eyes were unskilled

The ale must have gotten to me

For that was no wench

But King Syrio, pretty as a flea

But oh, his stench!

Maiden of the Tree

My featherbed is deep and soft,

and there I’ll lay you down,

I’ll dress you all in yellow silk,

and on your head a crown.

For you shall be my lady love,

and I shall be your lord

I’ll always keep you warm and safe,

and guard you with my sword.

And how she smiled, and how she laughed,

the maiden of the tree.

She spun away and said to him,

no featherbed for me.

I’ll wear a gown of golden leaves,

and bind my hair with grass

But you can be my forest love

and me your forest lass

It’s Always Sunny under the Sea

It's always summer, under the sea

I know, I know, oh, oh, oh

The birds have scales, and the fish take wing

I know, I know, oh, oh, oh

The rain is dry, and the snow falls up

I know, I know, oh, oh, oh

The Lame Drunk of Abresi

A poor man came to a fair maid

Said ‘I need some work, I need to get paid?’

She said that’s a damn shame

For he was lame

The Lame Drunk of Abresi

He ate messy

He lived poorly

And used to love a girl named Jessie

His beard was down to his ****

He smelt like uncleaned pits

But he said ‘I’m rich, geez

If you counted fleas!’

But if you counted teeth?

Nah.

The Lame Drunk of Abresi

He ate messy

He lived poorly

And used to love a girl named Jessie

One day he saw a great knight

He challenged him to a fight!

The great warrior prepared with sword and shield

As as he took the field

There was the Lame Drunk

He smelt like a skunk

For his smell was his shield,

His breath his what he would wield

The knight fell had no choice but to yield

He could not take the field

His helmet was filled with puke

He dismissed the drunk as a Coooook

The Lame Drunk of Abresi

He ate messy

He lived poorly

And used to love a girl named Jessie

The Lame Drunk of Abresi

He ate messy

He lived poorly

And used to love a girl named Jessie

Damn was he crazy!

The Day the Spit Flew

It was a day unlike today

Except, nothing like today

The atmosphere was the opposite of gay

The atmosphere was… Yag!

The Snow Elves had kidnapped a princess! Or something!

But it did not matter, the pale devils would get it!

And by it I mean completely disproportionate aggression

BUT I’LL BE DAMNED IF THEY DIDN’T GET IT!

Two kingdoms met in front of another kingdom

Oren, half of their court had come

But all of Snelvdom showed up; The king!

It was a standoff to be sung about maybe when the singer was really drunk!

They fought with words

Emperor Chivay was drowned out by his court

Tundrak drowned out by his nation’s silence

But alas, no solution came

So, which a great ‘HOOOOOOOOORK’

And a great ‘POOT!’

Head to toe

Tundrak was covered with spit

And damn wasn’t it an improvement!

*All songs subject to change

[lukejes 55]

Elandorr the Bard rolls over in his grave.

[Birdwhisperer 1174]

Moved to the Great Library. It shall be sorted into appropriate category shortly.