The Little Olog that Kud

[BigManTing 9]

The front cover of this newly bound leather book features a crudely drawn red olog. The first page reads:

 

"Fur Kud, bruddah ub Wud.

Mey ahl dah kubz ub dah Uzg gruk

deze dub Ohlog bruddahz,

ahn gruk wub dey duz fur dah uzg."

Ahnonymouz

The Little Olog that Kud

 

 

 

Ug Ug Ug. Puff puff puff. Kud stomped along the sands. He was a happy little olog. His shoulders were full of good things for little orcish brothers and sisters. There were all kinds of resources. ferrum swords, ferrum axes, and even a ferrum lance. There were all kinds of goblins. Goblins with blue eyes and yellow hair, goblins with brown eyes and brown hair, and the funniest squeal you ever saw. There were horses, donkeys, wolves, and boats. There was cactus green, more cactus green, and even some cactus green! The little olog carried every kind of thing that brothers or sisters could want. But that was not all. The little olog carried good things to eat, too. Big, round shara’s…fat, red-faced dwarves…long, yellow kha’s…mouldy, rotten bread…and elves to eat after dinner. The little olog was taking all these good things to the other side of the mountain. “How happy the brothers and sisters will be to see me!” "*** DIZ" said the little olog that Kud. “TuU muCZH WuRK” But all at once the olog came to a stop. He did not move at all. “***,” said the little olog. “mI ***in lEGz” He tried to walk again. He tried and tried. But his legs just would not move. “We can help,” said the goblins. The squeal and the goblins climbed off the little olog’s shoulders. They tried to push the little olog. But he did not move. The goblins did not know what to do. Just then another olog came puffing down another path. “Maybe that olog can help us!” cried the squeal. He began to wave a red flag. The olog called Mud slowed down. The goblins and toys called out to him. “Our olog is retarded,” they said. “Please pull our olog over the mountain. If you do not, the brothers and sisters will not have any gobos or hozh food.” Mud was a bit friendly. “yU wUN mI PuLl?” he asked. “That is not what I do. I carry people. They sit in cars with soft seats. They look out the windows. They eat in a nice dining car. They even sleep in a fine sleeping car. “I pull the likes of you? I should say not!” “ZkaH oF ****.” Off went Mud without another word. How sad all the goblins and the squeal felt!

Then the squeal called out, “Here comes another olog. A big, strong one. Maybe this olog will help us.” Again the squeal waved his flag. Wud came to a stop. The goblins and the squeal called out together, “Please help us, Big Strong Wud. Our Olog is retarded. But you can pull us over the mountain. You must help us. Or the brothers and sisters will not have any gobos to bully or hozh grub to eat.” But Wud did not want to help. “KuD iZ puZZi biCh. ZhIT CuUK” And away puffed Wud without another word. By this time the little olog Kud was no longer happy. And the goblins and the squeal were ready to cry. But the squeal called out, “Look! Look! Another olog is coming. A little blue olog. A very little one. Maybe this olog will help us.” The Little Blue Olog was a happy olog. He saw the squeal waving his red flag and stopped at once. “WAh dH *** U wUNT?” he asked in a kind way. “Oh, Little Blue Olog,” cried the goblins and the squeal. “Will you pull is over the mountain? Our olog is retarded. If you do not help, the brothers and sisters will have no goblins to beat or hozh food. “Just over the mountain. “Please, please help us.” “oH,” said the Little Blue Olog. “*** nO.” “But we must get there before the brothers and sisters wake up,” said the squeal and the goblins. “Please?” The Little Blue Olog looked at the goblins and toys. He could see that they were not happy. He thought about his orc brothers on the other side of the mountain. Without goblins to beat up or hozh food, they would not be happy either. This was all said out loud to the goblins and the squeal, in the form of a flat, dribbling moan. The Little Blue Olog pulled up close. He took hold of Kud. The squeal and goblins climbed back onto Kud's shoulders. At last the Little Blue Olog said, “I think I can climb up the mountain. I think I can. I think I can.” “*** muNTEn. I KAN, I kAN, I kaN.” Then the Little Blue Olog began to pull. He tugged and he pulled. He pulled and he tugged. Ug ug, nub nub went the little olog. “kUD lAT duM ****,” he said. Slowly, slowly, Kud started to move. The goblins and the halfling began to smile and clap. Ug ug, chug chug. Up the mountain went the Little Blue Olog. And all the time he kept saying, “I tInK I KAN, I tInK I KaN, I tInK I KAn …” Up, up, up. The little olog climbed and climbed. At last he reached the top of the mountain. Down below lay the goi. “Hurray! Hurray!” cried the goblins and the halfling squeal. “The brothers and sisters will be so happy,” said the squeal. “All because you helped us, Little Blue Olog.” The Little Blue Olog just dribbled. But as he puffed down the mountain, the Little Blue Olog seemed to say…”*** KuD, *** KuD, **** KUD.”

 

[Bardmancer 942]

Nurena'Yar isn't quite sure what she's just read. She scratches her head in confusion and puts the book back where she found it, backing off slowly.

[JEEGK 1367]

"This is just a remake of the little darkie that could." frowns a senile mali'ker.

[Ethan the epic 115]

"Iuf Lat goboz wueren't zo luzy und curried dah ztuff, Diz wuldn't huve huppened." *Mutters Grokor after reading the book.

[Gebruht 39]

"WY EZ okKA NubB eN DiZ BuuK!"

[Angmarzku 1251]

"yUuUuUuB"

[Angmarzku 1251]

Moved to the Archive. It shall be sorted into the appropriate category shortly.