Guiding Light: An open essay

[Draiden 326]

Guiding Light

A short essay

Writ av Jager Faretto

 

Our rhetoric Describes the Father as a light shining in the darkness. We’re taught to believe he guides us through our trials and tribulations, and speaks to us during our darkest hours. To this, I find myself conflicted of late. When conflicted with situations that manage to pull all of our emotions out of ourselves, when the blood boils to act and the mind grasps at any and all ideals to act upon, the Father’s voice is there to help guide us, right? If so, it is then a matter of discerning which voice that rages in our heads is the Father’s. It’s here that I find myself conflicted.

 

In my attempt to better understand the Father’s will, I thought to myself logically on what each voice demands of your when confronted with sorrows and other unfortunate circumstances. There’s a voice of your better self, dictating that one should try to behave rationally, and to attempt to reason your way through these times. There’s the voice that dictates that you should stop and wait, contemplating that with caution, one would find a route that satisfies all parties. Then there’s another voice entirely that begs to differ on all accounts, and demands that you stop thinking and react – and that you react immediately. There may be other, more complex voices that will speak unto someone, but I’ve ascertained that these three are the most basic and are the most prevalent in any situation. I then tried to determine the specific origin of these voices. Of the first and second, I could only assume it is based on morals and ideals instilled to us from early ages by our societies. These ideals and morals, in the first voice, rationalize that people ought to get along, and that you cannot shake anyone’s hand if your fists are clenched. Reasonable and sensible. On the second voice, I can pull from the scholarly perspective. Thinking about a way to act can often lead to the best solution, but in some cases those who wait will find themselves involuntarily stripped of the chance to do anything at all. The third, however, I could not find an origin to.

 

Comparing and contrasting the inner self, I managed to discern that of the three voices, the third is also the most powerful, and that it is full of passion. This intrigued me, because it is also typically the most inherently self-destructive. I’ve also found that this third voice shares the most similarities from person to person, whereas the first two will differ depending on one’s social background, upbringing, and their level of intellect. Of the three, it also seems like the third is the one that holds most effect over the body. If you’ve ever been in these situations, you know what I mean. It becomes hard to control your volume or what you say, your back feels like its burning or freezing, your muscles clench. It is often the other two voices that have to reign you in from this position, and it is never an easy task.

 

But I digress from the question: Which voice is our guiding light? Which one is the All-Father speaking to us? I contend that it may be this third voice. It seems to meet all the rhetoric about bravery and passion. In addition, it has no clear-defined origin and seems to be universal and relatively unchanged from person to person. What conflicts me is that this voice does not match up with our idea of self-preservation and temperance, and is inherently violent and self-destructive. To this, I also contend that perhaps we are viewing these ideals from the wrong perspective. What is self-preservation and temperance in the wider scope of the Father’s view? It could mean what we interpret them as, but it may be more broadly defined and less specific when viewed through the perspective of one who must watch over humanity as a whole. Temperance in this broader sense may be to direct this action towards the appropriate parties and to spare those who do not deserve it. Self-preservation may be referring to us as a race instead of us as individuals. The third voice urges us to fight, to love, and to mindlessly protect. It also urges us to mindlessly indulge, to destroy, and to discover.

 

Let’s grant the notion and say what I think is true, and that the Father is not a being of order and purity, but one of chaos. What does this mean for humanity? I say it doesn’t change anything, really. Our cooperation and our lives are marked by our judgement and reasoning, and in this we find security and social order. However, through our violence, through our lusting, and through our merriment we find substance; our lives are given meaning and we are given content. Perhaps we are to act on our impulses more. Throughout my personal travels, I’ve never felt more alive than when following these urges, even if it meant that I may die. After all, life is not without danger, and actions are seldom without consequence.

 

Ride the tides of the uncertain, and find our flaming lord upon the shores of chaos.

[AstriaS 4988]

High Keeper Alisa read over Jager’s work, blinking rapidly as she experienced a strange combination of confusion, concern, interest, and surprise. “Well, that’s... certainly an interpretation.”