Nottingham News Network

[senor_tortuga 692]

https://youtu.be/a0oayJOIEc0

NOTTINGHAM NEWS NETWORK Drafted on the 13th of the Deep Cold, 1763     “Delivering news with utmost accuracy is our top priority.” -Ser Rattomed “The Ominiscent”   “Is Peace Possible?” Written By: Tajo the Bald        Peace in times of war - is it possible? YES!! By our top scientist’s economical calculations the slave trade which initiated this war is sustainable at this rate. Though some dwarven freedoms will have to be sacrificed for the sake of orcish culture, it will pave a path for long-lasting peace and orc-dwarf unity. Today Nottingham Terrorist Organization, a peaceful organization put an end to 600 warmongers in a 600 v 6 and decimated the opposing forces with no casualties of their own. By this show of power the push for peace will hopefully come to fruition as if it doesn't we will uproot the problem from where it starts, those who fight. By killing them all.   The Lives of Nottingham To many Nottingham supporters and fans, we will now include an update on the personal lives of our members:   Starting with Ser Andreas who has been missing for some time, it is presumed that he was captured by the sky gods but more intel is needed.    Tajo the Bald who just recently returned from his exile was apprehended for beating another man’s slave with a hot iron and has fallen into a habit of enjoying many women.   Ser Denis of the Quickblade was spotted honing his sword skills on the corpse of a fallen renatiun and rumors have it he may open a gym chain to train the diezens of Arcas into strong warriors.   Hannibal Horen, a knight of Nottingham with noble pedigree. He is private and doesn’t wish to include much but due to fan outcry (mostly from the ladies) we printed his name.   Professor Terrorisms, a man with a silver tongue who is known for hatching clever plans that are unpredictable. He is so intellectual that he invented logic.     Austin Labdacus, dubbed by fans as the attack dog of Nottingham, still maintains his perfect duel record, alongside his perfect smile.    To conserve ink this is all we will include.

Breaking News! A special news report! Nottingham spy network has gathered intel on dwarven forces and has concluded that dwarves are holding kubs in cages along their southern mountain border. Nottingham has also been working to crush a particularly nasty rumor that has been circulating lately, that the Rex is a transvestite, much to the delight of her husband. The criminals who spread these lies will be apprehended in due time and the honor of the beautiful and powerful Rex will be restored.   News & Business The Carrington family has been found to have been committing tax fraud and embezzleing their money. For years they have avoided their payments by misusing their poorly placed political power in Helena! One of our spies gathering intel was also murdered by them as we tried our best to get this vital information to the public. It is very obvious that their scandalous actions will only stop with their banishment and execution which will be carried out by the Nottingham Terrorist Organization on a later date.   In other news, Professor Terrorisms, God emperor and intellectual (Nemok) of Nottingham has been happily married to his new wife the rex for quite some time! The happy couple has been spending a lot of time together in these busy times. She is very beautiful and maybe little terrorist Jr’s will be running around soon spreading peace to the world :D.   THE NOTTINGHAM NEWS NETWORK IS A PROUD PARTNER WITH THE CARRINGTON COMPANY! “Ever need cheap materials? The Carrington Co. provides second quality goods to the finest proportions!” *DISCLAIMER: Items bought from the company do not guarantee expected effects.     OPINION: “Oren is the true terrorist cell” Written by Ser Leenus ‘The Long-Blade” [!] Orenian soldiers massacring innocent Nottingham migrants at the gates of Helena (colorized).   Months have passed since the Nottingham Ordinance, and our people have suffered atrocities across the land of Arcas. We have had our babies slaughtered, our women beheaded, and our elderly castrated. The Orenian government declares themselves the just actors, but they commit the same heinous actions that they excuse Nottingham of. Without a sliver of evidence. Make of this what you will but by our calculations the corrupt empire is bad. Empire is bad. Empire is bad.   Sponsors Now a message from our sponsor, Rayd Shadow Legend, an orcish company that cuts hair for good prices. A mere barber shop, and nothing more.   Now a message from our sponsor, Carrington and Co. “We are evil, buy our products you slaves of consumerism and kill the dwarves! We love war! We are antihuman! We love Iblees! The Emperor came to my house in a dress!”   Please report any misspellings so we may improve our knowledge

We’re here to put an end to this war.. whether it means killing both sides or sacrificing ourselves!!!!

[Inferno_Ougi 1454]

“We are so noble. Peace not war! Kiss not kill!” Hannibal chanted as he dug out tunnels through every known imperial city.

[Evonpire 2014]

 

 

 

 

Spoiler

I’m unsure if this is ugly formatting or is secretly the best I’ve ever seen.

 

[Noer 577]

“Pee Pee Poo Poo Nottingham Losers” says Asgoslav the Butcher