Seaside Ruminations II

[Cepheid 4304]

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OOC NOTICE: The contents of this post would not be known unless either told about in rp or the journals are marked as publicly released by myself at the bottom of the post.
 

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Seaside Ruminations II

20th of Sigismund’s End, 1854
Penned; V.E.B.

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“I trusted you, but now your words that pass your lips mean nothing because your actions spoke the truth.”

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It is within the den of vipers and snakes I have found myself surrounded by the deceit which has festered and grown to rot by those I call myself to trust. I have done all that I can to turn myself into someone separate from the legacy left by my baba, yet all I have done is walk the same path which he has walked. I used to not understand why he left, why he was so quick to wrath, why he was constantly looking over his shoulder, why he would spend hours pacing away in his study. It’s soon come that I have taken up the same habits, countlessly pacing back and forth at my desk while Severinus is asleep, checking the locks two or three times before I head to rest. I have done everything that has ever been asked of me, by my family, by my sovereigns, by GOD, yet what has it all been for? 

 

I have lived in my life in service of the faithful to further progress the lineage of the Exalted Sigismund and the Basridi as Baba had taught me, I was taught to never crumble under the boot of imperialism. Yet I have been faced with so much betrayal even from my own brother who leaves the Basridi for Orenians just as they have been reunited. Lies and scandal shrouds my vision, I know not of who I can trust in but myself and GOD at this point. I begin to understand why Baba had sent me away to escape this endless cycle of sin that has entrapped my people, humanity. I feel myself slipping away from who I am into someone I am not. I look in the mirror and I see not myself, but the shell of my father. Stoic, pious, and afflicted with betrayal.

 

I’ve had friends attempt to put a knife in my back, my virtues questioned when I have done no wrong, allies turned enemies for the sake of their own power. While I know not who I might be, I know who I will not become. I cannot allow myself to crumble in the face of the world which is watching and praying for such to crumble. The stars have foretold that this was to come, but these trials do not hurt any less. Blood, war, malice, disloyalty, and at the light of the end of it all is peace, resolve. I now see the path, I now see the messages which the stars have displayed. The time of my sacrifice has come, I have lost so many for the sake of humanity and ensuring the choices I make are in line with the words of GOD. The time of hardship on myself has emerged, and from that I will ensure that my faith remains uncontested, after all it is all I have to keep close to my soul. To forgive, is all that I may do and to let go for I know the future will be a better one. Perhaps it is nativity that plagues my mind with the hope that those around me have the best interests at heart for those outside of themselves, but all I can do is have faith that they too follow what GOD has laid out for the world. 

 

Faith is all that remains, and faith is all that continues. 

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