Where Are You?

[EmiliainWonderland 2309]

 

Where Are You?

 

 

 

 

 

 

When I was a child, you held me tight. You wanted us to be proper, elegant, smart, cunning. Just like you.

You held my hand when I got hurt, but made sure to teach me never to rely on anyone but family and myself when I needed help, and you taught Elara to rely on me.

 

I should've done better for her, maybe I should've tried harder for her, maybe if I had she wouldn't have disappeared.

Maybe it's my Karma for being so content with my life, being so brash and un-ladylike. Maybe this is your curse Maman, maybe this is you telling me it's time to let go of them, I don't know all I know is that...

 

Mother, I feel like a failure to you. 

I feel like everything you worked for has failed and I have become just like père.

I am lost, Elara is gone, Aunt Hera is gone. There is only me, my husband, and my children in our home now. 

 

Didn't you tell me sisters were meant to stick together?

Didn't you tell me I would always have Elara if no one else?

And that she would always have me?

 

Mother, where are you?

I miss you.

I want you to hold me and tell me I'm not being a fool, that I'm doing the right thing... The BEST thing for our family.

 

Grand-père, I miss you. I wish I could talk to you again; you would know what is best, you always knew what was best.

 

Maman. I miss you.

 

I fear I pushed our little Elara away. 

 

I should've been a better sister.

 

Are Grand-père and Grand-maman with you too? 

 

Will I join you soon?

 

I am scared, I feel like a child again. I feel helpless.

To finally leave one war to join another with no option but support the only family I have left who does not want me gone. 

I could've chosen your family, Maman, but we both know I would never have fit in with them like you did.

Maybe Oncle Sebastien will never speak to me again.... and maybe it's for the best.

 

I am ruined, Maman.

I have destroyed everything around me and left nothing to tell my story. There are only the girls and little Rev to remind people of our legacy Maman.

 

There's that book I was writing, but who would care about the history of an obsolete family with obsolete traditions. Elara helped me honor those traditions, but now Elara is gone.

 

And she isn't coming back.

 

 

I'm sorry Maman. I should've tried harder; I should've fought to keep us together like you always said.

 

Maman....

 

I miss you. 

 

 

Love always,

Chloé

 

 

[HeyitsNano 1582]

Profound.