Kjell's Tale Of Treebeards

[Charles_Grimlie 1072]

*The Awesome, Favored, Pious, Handsome, and Glorious Paragon Kjell StormHammer of clan IreHeart sits upon a chair within the Kingdom Tavern, specifically the Table on the left had side when entering. Around him a gaggle of Beardlings gather in preparation for yet another story. One of the beardlings, one of a peculiar skin tone compared to his brothers and sisters of stone chirps a question to the old Dwarf.*

 

"Bestest Paragon! Wut ov da TreeBeards? W'ere da TreeBeards come frum?"

 

*With his usual jolly present on his aged face, the old Paragon thinks to himself for a moment or two conjuring the story for the young and curious Dwarves.*

 

"Urr... Uuuuuhm... Eeeeerrr... Tree... Beards... Elves? Dwarf... Uhm..."

 

*After these few agonizing moments of the Paragon mumbling to himself and groaning at his attempt of thought he begins to speak.*

 

"Ye know, nae Dwarf truely knows w'ere dose ***** Dwarf Tree Squatters came frum!"

 

*The Beardlings look down quite disappointing, some getting up ready to leave. In this moment Kjell raises his voice and puts out his hands to stop the younglings.*

 

"Dat be nae Dwarf... Bu' ol' an' bestest Paragon Kjell! Suh listen close.."

 

*With a downing of a cup of warm mead the Paragon begins to speak.*

 

"Long 'go da Dwarvish god Yemekre 'ad a foight wi'f 'is nature lovin' woife Annebella an' 'e wus in da "Dog 'Ouse". Dis wus 'cause Yemekre an' Amrakak 'ad cut down a bunch ov trees ter make un ov da failed dwarf prototypes, da Elf. In tryin' ter make 'is woife 'appy an' stop 'er frum fawkin' naggin' all da toime 'e picked up sum ov da wood an' un ov da failed prototypes bashin' 'is 'ammer on it. Wi'f a scream ov agony an' much protest da "Elf" wus made short an' moar 'andsome wi'f a beard den 'e already wus, also 'e 'ad da points ov 'is ears torn off! 'Cause Yemekre an' Annebella f'ought 'em *****. W'en 'e wus done 'e gave Annebella da wee wooden Dwarf w'ich made da goddess shut up an' 'appy. Affer dat Annebella put da Dwarf among da ruins ov da trees an' watched 'im grow. 'Owever wi'f out a mate da wee "Forest Dwarf" got 'orny! An' fawked a few elven lassies 'cause 'e didnae know bettah an' 'e still 'ad a schtupid elf brain."

 

"In toime Urguan would learn ov dese ***** bretheren, w'o ter 'is despair joined da silly Dwain w'o wus ter fat ter even walk! An' became Ironguts fer a short period ov toime befer learnin' dat Dwain wus schtupid an' jus' called demselves TreeBeards, 'cause deir beards were made ov leaves an' shoite er sumfin'. In toime da wee brown Dwarves we donae call rude an' racist wurds 'cause Urguan be merciful an' bestest father, began ter carve demselves a good 'ome an' reputation. Dat wus befer Bestest Paragon Kjell, Olaf, an' Urir appeared an' killed dem all 'cause dey looked loike sum ***** short elves an' den dey got in trouble wi'f da King fer doin' it 'cause dey w'ere nae elves bu' dey w'ere pardoned 'cause w'en an Treebeard envoy came da King killed 'im finkin' 'e wus a ***** elf ter! An' dat be w'y we donae 'ave many Treebeards w'o loike oos an' dat be w'y ya donae kill lads fer bein' darker color den ye. Dat be da moral ov dis story er sum shoite."

 

*The Paragon looks to the group of beardlings and nods approvingly, before saying.*

 

"Nooh bugger off Ah got drinks ter drink!"

[Mucky 443]

"Olahv loikes t'is stureh!"

[Tethras 278]

Berren wipes a small tear from his eye, muttering.

 

"Su' true..."

[Charles_Grimlie 1072]

"Paragon Kjell be woisest, an' bestest story teller. Give Moighty Paragon magic green up arrows favored by Gods. 'Cause 'e be bestest!"

[Saviordude 133]

((OMG CHARLES I LOVE IT! :D This should become a regular thing :P))

[Destroyer_Bravo 1054]

((TALE OF GRANDAXES TALE OF GRANDAXES))

 

Ellsia stifles a chuckle at the amazing storytelling of Cha- ahem, Kjell.

[doom6153 57]

*Off in Barbek, Orik Stoneoak feels the need to sigh heavily, but at the same time feels a tingle of happiness deep down.*

[lιoɴ 248]

Moved to the Great Library. It shall be sorted into appropriate category shortly.