Let Me Fix Your Problems

[Merkaken 516]

As many of you have undoubtedly noticed, I am the best at everything, though I've been feeling selfish keeping my

 

POWERFUL

 

skills to myself.

 

So, as the amazing and selfless person I am, advanced in all things skill requiring and other **** like that, give me your problems and I'll fix it

 

Or I might not

 

i probably won't

 

 

[Cat Evocation 3728]

why does it burn when the local priest throws holy water at me

[Merkaken 516]

Short answer, because you're secretly a dragon with 24 heads.

[Summorox 55]

Will my parents ever love me?

[Merkaken 516]

Yes.

 

But only if you shave your head.

[garentoft 9265]

How do I get a will to live?

[Merkaken 516]

You eat lots of chili

[garentoft 9265]

Thanks for the advice, Asgore.

[Merkaken 516]

No problem, Human. Now stand there, I need to stab your face with my trident lightsaber thing.

[iris1612 1780]

Should I continue my daily bleach diet? My doctor told me it's "unhealthy", but I read on the internet that it detoxifies your whole body (I only use organic, gluten free & vegan non-gmo bleach, of course).

[Merkaken 516]

Of course you should! This is a mistake most doctor's make. Sure, they may say that it's "unhealthy" and "idiotic" and "You're vomiting blood", but that's just old thinking.

[Kaelan 1918]

I have crippling social anxiety and would like to be able to talk to my crush, could you help me with this?

[Merkaken 516]

Both male and female respond very positively to what the liberal media refers to as "abusive behavior" and "sociopath actions". As long as you're not afraid to get a few odd glances from the poorly informed and less educated of society, just keep throwing rocks at them from a distance, call their house in the middle of the night and just breathe into the phone. Give them cold, dark, long glances from across the room then look away when they look at you. Everyone loves the brooding type!

[Krism 67]

I am too tall to lie down in the bathtub, what do?

[mineghost23 14]

How do I change Orens veiws about the dead races?