Ned Lud 1260 Share Posted July 10, 2013 The northern gates have been opened, unleashing an ancient evil upon the lands of Anthos. Kings set sail for distant shores. Knights drop their swords and flee in terror. Dark, winged beasts have been sighted hunting the skies and the lands are thick and crawling with wicked creatures, most foul and vicious, scouring the earth, hungering for the souls of men. The nations descend into chaos. Fathers bury sons. Brothers turn their swords upon brothers. Widowed mothers hide their children and weep alone in the darkness of broken homes. The stench of death lurks along every road as the ships sail and the walls crumble. In these unforgiving lands, in troubled times, no man is safe. A note has been scrawled onto an old piece of parchment and nailed to the noticeboard in Lenfarthing. Blood smears the crudely written message and the smell of death and impending doom hangs low in the air as the thunders of a distant storm echo throughout the hills. "Took my sodding cookpots, thrice now. Bloody cookpot borrowers, dragged them right out of me burrow on three separate occasions, scuffed up me nice wooden floors, got their muddy boot prints on me rug with nae so much as a please 'n' thankye'!! Boots, mind ye', boots. Left drag marks all in th' yard. Stepped all o'er th' roses. One of 'em even opened th' 'enhouse 'n' scared off all th' chigguns. Sucked th' yolks out of every egg! Had ter make do with jes' ham 'n' hard biscuits ter break my fast for a whole week, cookin' out of a clay bowl! I'll reckon they be out there o'er yonder, scrapin' up th' bottoms o' me cookpots with a hard metal spoon. Not warshin' em proper. Even worse, meltin' 'em down inter swords more like 'n' stabbin' at each other with 'em in their wall-mongerin' wars. A bleedin' shame. Keep yer eyes peeled, kinfolk. We're at war here I reckon. Cookpot borrowers be on th' prowl with no Shire Reeve in Lenfarthing ter speak of. If'n ye' see any shady folk lurkin' around, be wary. They likely be well fed with some meat on their bones eatin' out of me best 'n' biggest cookware. Probably wearin' a full set o' cookpot armor 'n' carryin' pig-stickers to boot. PS: Sorry for th' blood smears. Hammered me own thumb in haste. Reckon th' nail will bruise up 'n' fall off. Got me some new cookware, so no need fer charity. Burnt th' first pot o' rabbit stew in the bugger, but it'll suffice I surpose. PSS: Stone Men living in Witch Woods. Nasty bigguns, holed up in th' spider grotto, been etin' halflings 'n' others; puttin' 'em on skewers 'n' suckin' the meat right off th' bone. Stay outta them woods after sundown." The storm in the distance fades and the only sounds that remain in Lenfarthing are those of the crickets chirping and a cool breeze blowing across the fields of wheat. Also, a cow with a bell tied around her neck seems to have gotten into the onions, which is likely to be a minor inconvenience for whoever milks her the next morning. 6 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aislin 4354 Share Posted July 10, 2013 ((I love you, this post was hilariously amazing)) Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benny_Fool 80 Share Posted July 10, 2013 Felix mumbles as he passes the notice board, "Didn' we already catch the bugger?" Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaiser 2347 Share Posted July 10, 2013 "Cookpot armor" "I need tha'.... tha' soun's like it'll stop 'em stonemen from ea'in' me....." Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Free The Hobbits 859 Share Posted July 10, 2013 "Cookpo'? On ya 'ead? Oi, tha' sounds migh'y painful. Bu' if they say I' works..." Bolo takes a small cooking pot and puts it over his head. "I feel safah already" 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benny_Fool 80 Share Posted July 10, 2013 "I 'think th' 'umans call a cookpo' on yer 'ead a 'elmet." Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Free The Hobbits 859 Share Posted July 10, 2013 "No no, ya go' I' all wrong lad, a cookpo' on ya 'ead is called a cookpo' on ya 'ead. 'Elme' jus' sounds ridiculous." Nods, the cookpot swinging back and forth on his head, essentially covering his eyes. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heff 2460 Share Posted July 10, 2013 On his way trough Lenfarthing Jack Spade sees that monsters, stone men, are in Witches Woods. He proceeds to pin a note. "Need help gettin' those stone men out of the woods? Contact Jack Spade and I will do so as a pro monster hunter can only do." Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heff 2460 Share Posted July 10, 2013 Fumble runs up to Bolo. "PA I WANT A COOKPOT ON ME HEAD!?" he bellows in a tantrum only a 4 year old could throw Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Free The Hobbits 859 Share Posted July 10, 2013 Fumble runs up to Bolo. "PA I WANT A COOKPOT ON ME HEAD!?" he bellows in a tantrum only a 4 year old could throw Bolo gives the child a small pat on the head, ruffling his hair slightly. He takes the pot off of his head, a large bruise forming where he had hit it earlier on and places the giant pot over Fumble's head. "There ya are. A nice big po' on ya 'ead." Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benny_Fool 80 Share Posted July 10, 2013 Felix tears up at the heartwarming moment. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heff 2460 Share Posted July 10, 2013 Fumble runs around, the pot covering his face. He bumps into a tree "Oof," then runs aimlessly throughout the vale. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bircalin 332 Share Posted August 31, 2013 Moved to the Great Library. It shall be sorted into appropriate category shortly. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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