Esterlen

Frederick Armas, the Viscount Rillsworth, decides in a particularly impromptu fashion to take to the floor. The opening ceremony for the House of Lords in the fifteenth Diet requires some culture, and so he is willing to provide, kilt and all, some of the songs of old Arrenland. He adjusts his powdered white wig and waves in the direction of Lord Mondstadt, who begins to sing (It having been ingrained in his own character since he was but ten summers – a fine dance!) within the upper chamber. The Amador lordling stands up from his seat, ready as ever to begin this ancient Harrenite tradition. @Gusano “A duke rode out at Owyn’s night, Tjing tjang tjing lutillej, The snow around him fell so white, Tjing tjang tjing lutillej, He fought his way through wind and rain, His horse dropped dead - it was insane, Tjing tjang lu, tjing tjang lu, Tjing tjang tjing lutillej...” At that moment, the Count of Pompourelia’s daughter, Casimira, who could not be more than ten, joins the opening ceremony’s proceedings – her childish voice carrying across the House. “In the high tower a maid awaited her fate, Tjing tjang tjing lutillej, For him to come by and fornicate, Tjing tjang tjing lutillej, But the night was sad and long, Loneliness without some slong , Tjing tjang lu, tjing tjang lu, Tjing tjang tjing lutillej...” The decrepit Lord Rillsworth rises from his seat, cane in hand. With the advent of the old Harrenite song comes a renewed vigor, and he begins to dance (As is the customary fashion) with a nearby aide on the floor, all the while singing the next verse. His voice booms across the chamber, a tenor unbecoming of a fellow nearing eighty years. “The next day at morning red, Tjing tjang tjing lutillej, They found the poor duke dead, Tjing tjang tjing lutillej, Covered in snow and ice, Now defrosting in paradise, Tjing tjang lu, tjing tjang lu, Tjing tjang tjing lutillej...” In the midst of the dance rises the Count of Pompourelia, whose curled wig practically jumps as if it were alive when he stands up. The man, who is brother to the Duke of Helena, begins to sing the old Adunian song, having learnt it from his tutor many decades past. @bungo “Was this bad? You bet! Tjing tjang tjing lutillej, When defrosting he got wet, Tjing tjang tjing lutillej, But this is how it goes my fine lad, When you go out without a hat, Tjing tjang lu, tjing tjang lu, Tjing tjang tjing lutillej!” With the closing words of the Adunian bard’s song come the end of the opening ceremony, and the floor now opens to more serious submissions. The Count of Pompourelia returns to his seat, an obese, flushed and asthmatic creature who looks far older than his thirty-two years.

FOREWORD Though I am an old man in my seventies now, in my youth there was nothing I enjoyed more than to travel and see the world. It would cause me no small amount of gladness to see the younger generation undertake similar experiences to those that I undertook, from all of which I learned a variety of lessons. With the aid of madame Csilla Auth I have compiled this map of His Imperial Majesty’s realm and the surrounding territories. To do so, I have operated on the basis of my personal experience along with many maps and charts available to me as a resource. I have also attached an appendix of sorts for any traveller seeking to use my map, which shall hopefully educate them on the inhabitants of the world both within and without the Empire. This map is to be originally published in the year 1765, however I shall endeavour to promulgate revised versions as the situation necessitates. Yours sincerely, Sir Frederick Armas KHE IG The Rt Hon. The Viscount Rillsworth President of the Imperial Cartographer’s Society THE EMPIRE God save the Emperor and God save our realm. The Holy Orenian Empire is the greatest country that ever was, or will be, and we are blessed to live in it. The Empire is a higher ideal, truly, but it is fueled primarily by its constituent parts, working together for a better world under His Imperial Majesty’s auspicious gaze. (The Empire’s capital city of Helena) The Crownlands is the westernmost, and capital province of the Empire. It is from the metropolis of Helena that Peter III, Holy Orenian Emperor, rules over the human lands. Helena, nicknamed in common parlance the Ruby of Humanity, is a city like no other. It is built on a lake of the same name, and the architecture developed there is unique to the world. It has a long and storied history, weathering a rebel siege in the early 18th century, facing a renovation under the Lord Protector’s government of the 1730s and a subsequent economic miracle of the 1740s. Ever since that economic boom, the industrialised Helena has become the world’s most populous and most productive city, with splendour unmatched since the former capital of Johannesburg centuries ago. It is a generally safe city, with all sorts of cosmopolitan people, Heartlander, Highlander and nonhuman alike, all of many different professions. The Pale is a unique region of the Empire, predominantly because it is inhabited by elves rather than humans. Established by the Edict of Settlement of 1756, the Pale is a portion of land reserved for elvenkind by His Imperial Majesty. Its name is derived from the High Imperial palus, which translates loosely to ‘stake’, as in ‘staked territory’. It is governed by the Warden of the Pale, an elected elven executive who stewards the land surrounding the majestic city of Tor Eldar, built on a plateau dotted with the boughs of great pines. Their Malin’onn auxiliaries serve His Imperial Majesty as expert scouts, outriders and archers. If you must go there, I bid you to be respectful. The elves of the Pale are hospitable, but will not put up with bad behaviour. Haense is the colloquial name for the Kingdom of Hanseti-Ruska, a core province of the Empire, and the oldest continually extant one. The Haeseni are an honourable northern folk, and are ruled by a vassal king from the city of New Reza, on the banks of Lake Guise - where they have excellent seafood of all kinds. To the west of New Reza are the ruins of Old Reza, which burnt to the ground in a fire years ago - save the Basilica of the Fifty Virgins, which is now a cultural site in the region. Their culture is a distant offshoot of the old Raevir, with elements of syncretism from the long lost realm of Hanseti. Haeseni halberdiers and dragoons make up a significant portion of the Empire’s forces, and the locals here are particularly skilled woodsmen. The province itself is mostly of a temperate, but also somewhat boreal climate. Haense is generally a safe region, though it is inherently more rustic than the Crownlands. Kaedrin is the Empire’s most central province, and the one from which I originally hail. The old Commonwealth is mostly rural farmlands, with mild seasons year round. The soil in Kaedrin is some of the most fertile in the realm, and their primary industry is agriculture, including grains, livestock and tobacco - leading to the Commonwealth occasionally being known as the Empire’s breadbasket. This perception is helped in no small amount by the large amount of sun their crops receive. The capital township of Owynsburg, in the foothills of Mount Saint Catherine, was built in the last few decades to replace the ruined metropolis of Ves. It is quaint, and the cost of living at the time of writing is cheap. The Kaedreni are a proud, militaristic folk who are said to be the most fervent Imperials in all the country. They are usually devoutly religious Canonists, and have a democratic streak that lingers from old Ves - this region is safe, but nonhumans ought to mind their tongues. The Territories are the outer regions of the Empire. There are two territories of note - the Northeast Territories (Formerly known as Curon) and Northland. Both are frigid and coastal borderlands, beyond which all manner of pagan marauders and tribesmen inhabit. The Northeast Territories was once a vassal kingdom of the Empire, however, a series of catastrophes induced the economic catastrophe that led to its collapse and reorganization. Today, the former shipyards lay empty, the fields untilled. What soldiers remain there guard the border with the tribes of the Fell Country. Northland was formerly inhabited by a group of peculiar gypsies hostile to the Empire. Long since expelled from the land by His Imperial Majesty’s troopers, the only remnants of their brief presence here is ‘the Dyke’ in the north, which they seemingly constructed through a strange hex, and the Gypsywood, which broadly covers the territory in spruce forests. Since the expulsion of the former inhabitants, the land has been colonized by Orenian settlers, and remains under His Imperial Majesty’s direct administration as part of his sovereign land. In the centre of the territory is the Kennel, home to an order of flagellant irregulars known as the Hounds of John as of 1765. TO THE NORTH AND WEST To the north and west of the Empire you may find two polities of note, both nonhuman. Unlike the Fell Country, which I shall mention later in this document, both of these entities are relatively civilised and safe. I would encourage any first-time traveller to embark upon a journey to either of these domains rather than plumbing the depths of the uncharted wilderness. (The dwarven hold of Kal’Evraal) The Underrealm of Urguan is a collection of dwarven holds, ruled over by a singular Grand King of Urguan, who presides over the mountain-hold of Kal’Evraal. They occupy the vast mountains to the due west of the Empire. In the foothills of the mountains is the town of Hefrumm, a refuge for the surface-dwelling forest dwarves. The Urguanite dwarves are excellent engineers, miners and runesmiths, and have a fondness for drinking and battle. There has been historical bad blood between the Empire and the Underrealm, however, this has lately somewhat evaporated - as both powers eventually found a common enemy in stateless brigands. The works of the Urguanites are magnificent and carefully crafted. Haelun’or is the domain of the high elves. These fay folk, who operate out of the city state of Lareh’thilln, high atop the mountain peaks, are a haughty and arrogant kind. This arrogance could be somewhat justified, for in Lareh’thilln’s libraries is deposited much of the world’s written knowledge, and its citizens are almost all proficient users in arcane magic. From a traveller’s perspective, they can be reasoned with, however it is best not to let them know that you are an Imperial. Until quite recently, their ruler (Called sohaer, in their tongue) was a fellow expressly hostile to our countrymen - and repressive to his own. Eventually, through his draconian measures to maintain control on his fellow high elves, he destroyed the city-state’s burgeoning economy, from which they have never properly recovered. THE FELL COUNTRY To the south and east of our great empire, you will find the Fell Country, an uncivilised and rustic land populated mostly by hostile barbarian tribes. This vast swathe of wilderness extends from the Temple Highlands, southwest to the Deadwood, then to the Decrepit Coast in the east, taking up an immense portion of the continent. Many of these tribes we know very little about, however, I have endeavoured to explain them in this annotation. It is a dangerous land not for the faint-hearted. (The grassy knolls of the Fell Country) The Cloudmen are an enigma to us. Their witch doctors are said to hold power over life and death. There are fewer of them than the other tribes, and they are mainly docile in their way of operations, and particularly secretive. Their clansfolk are experts at hiding amid the hefty forests and mountains of the Fell Country. It is known that the southern tribes of the Cloudmen frequently trade with the ports of Sutica and Egrothond. They are a gentle folk and no harm to Imperials. The Renelians are an elvish tribe who inhabit the ruins of the former keep of Temeschburg, the seat of my oldest friend, the late Franz Stefan de Arany-Bocsa. They worship a complex network of their ancestors expressed through their progenitor and namesake, who they dub the Prophet Renelia. As they were once nomadic, they have difficulty with construction, preferring to inhabit cave systems and disrepaired fortresses. They are mostly hostile and violent. The Imperial traveller, if forced to deal with them, must proceed with caution and decorum. The Irrinites are an elvish tribe who inhabit the Greenglades between Temesch and the Hunchback Mountains. They formerly inhabited the plateau of Temesch in an encampment known as Alderyn, however, they were driven off there by an expedition under Emperor Anthony sometime around 1705. Ever since they have moved northwards and become mostly nomadic. They are proficient archers and practise druidic magic. Their numbers have become thinner as of late, however, it is possible to do business with them - if you can find them. They are experts at stealth. The Fenlanders are another elvish tribe who reside due south of the Hunchback Mountains. Unlike the other elvish tribes, they are proficient at a primitive form of masonry. They prefer frosty climes, and so live in the southern foothills. A group of Fenlander light cavalry were employed by Joseph of Marna in his failed bid for the throne of the Empire, and historically they endeavoured to involve themselves in affairs across the border. However, this has not been the case for nigh on half-a-century, at which point they have taken upon a philosophy of isolationism. They are unfriendly, but can generally be reasoned with, and may even grant you aid in your travels. The Nordlings are the dominant human tribe north of the Hunchback Mountains, having subjugated most surrounding tribes to serve them. They live beyond the River Mors, and encamp themselves on the peninsula there. They are a cruel and miserable people, headed by a chieftain, and practise the faith of the Burning Bush. The paragons of this faith are a succession of their religious and political leaders. The Nordlings have frequently attempted to invade the Empire - out of envy and lust for our riches. A common Nordling ritual is to sacrifice travellers before the Burning Bush. Steer clear of them under all costs - there are very few kinds of people they loathe more than Imperials. The Darrowlings are a junior tribe under Nordling subjugation. They are believed to be descendants of Heartlander exiles, devolved by the eldritch power of the Burning Bush. Little else is known about them. The Piastlings are a junior tribe under Nordling subjugation. We know little to nothing about them other than their worship of a nature god, which they call the Radoghost. They are believed to be descendants from devolved Raevir. The Aedellings are another junior tribe under Nordling subjugation. We, again, know very little of them. It is believed that they rely on an oral history. The Orcs are another group of nonhuman brutes. They have no cohesive authority and instead operate on the basis of warbands. Hundreds of these warbands may exist in the Fell Country, each with their own leader and individual aims. Most of them partake in slaving raids, for which the Irrinites frequently fall victim. I recommend avoiding them if possible.

This really took the words out of my mouth, AlphaMoist. I think it is really interesting that the same voices here who are putting forward this myth of ‘it will ruin the balance in combat! It will be powergamed! Look at these historical examples!’ are simultaneously the people who are contending ‘well we don’t have to match up completely with real life’. Yes, of course we don’t have to match up completely with real life! So what’s the impediment to having guns as a purely cosmetic feature?

At least you’re honest about it and don’t try to veil it in faux concern. This should be held up as the stock standard attitude of many of the people who are against lifting the techlock, because it is really telling and pretty selfishly insidious.

How? Harold, you can powergame using a medium-to-large pebble if you want to. Ban powergaming and abusing, not different flavours. The essence of your argument is ‘don’t like ‘em’ and you’re coming up with these pretty flimsy and easily refutable reasons to hide that. That’s something that really bothers me about the opposing contention here – it boils down to nothing more than ‘don’t like ‘em’. Well, there’s heaps of things on this server that I don’t like and even the majority don’t like. If guns were introduced they would be a solely cosmetic introduction, and a heavily regulated one at that. That’s all anyone in the pro-gun camp is actually arguing for. It is the sort of thing other player-bases have readily available to them (the ability to choose their own creative direction, within reason) and nobody bats an eyelid. You do not have to engage with guns any more than you’d have to engage with crossbows which presumably you don’t have a problem with, and likewise I don’t have to engage with the myriad of abysmal lore on this server, nor do I even get a say in it.

“We don’t want guns because they’ll ruin the fantasy theme!” [Names countless other fantasy worlds where guns are present in a fantasy theme.] “Well we’re not those worlds!” Seriously? It’s pretty clear that the point is that guns can co-exist with a fantasy theme. There’s manifold examples of it being done. So why are we still on this false narrative? No, we obviously don’t line up our timeline with the real world’s. But I don’t understand how this is even an argument against introducing guns, so I think that you might be missing the point. No, we don’t have to line up with the real world’s...but after nine IRL years of RP, of course it is fair to say we should have some technological progress. It’s completely ridiculous – we have countless over complicated demigods, creatures and bizarre niche magics that nobody really understands or has any interest in. Nobody consulted me before introducing them. It was a slow drip of addition after addition. Why now is the right of players to have their particular view of the server (Whether that’s LotR, etc) preserved suddenly sacrosanct? So as for being like Lord of the Rings or Elder Scrolls, that’s your opinion, not the actual reality of the situation. Everybody has a completely different view on what we are ‘like’ – why does what you want it to be take any precedence over someone who wants something more like Warhammer Fantasy?

Okay, let’s take mechanics out of it and take this only in respect to CRP. Still no more powerful than a crossbow. And I’m sure, if guns were introduced, that the ST would add in all sorts of provisions for CRP with them – no pre-loading, a minimum number of emotes to ram the bullet down the barrel, etcetera. A lot of the magic RPers who are incredibly hostile to this idea (And who are particularly vocal on this thread) fundamentally misunderstand the reasons why most people who want firearms want them. It isn’t to get an edge over people in CRP. I don’t know how many times we have to make that clear. It is simply a matter of people wanting a different flavor for their RP. That’s it. It is purely cosmetic – there is nothing utilitarian about it. If this was any other purely cosmetic topic where somebody wanted a different flavor to their RP, detractors from that would have no real right to complain. All they could really do is take a policy of avoiding and not engaging with it. But because it’s this hot button firearms issue suddenly it concerns everyone who has a forum account. By the way:

Ryloth, I love you man, but this is one of the most pathetic arguments I ever hear about this topic. I’d rather people who are anti firearm just be honest and say ‘I personally don’t like them’ rather than try to wrap that fact in these pseudo-altruistic justifications. The ‘theme’ of the server, or rather the world that people join the server to partake in, is almost entirely in the eye of the beholder. That is largely because the world of LotC has no consistent theme anymore, and it hasn’t since 2011. As a creative platform, people have gone so off in different directions that a unifying theme is practically non-existent. The idea that introducing gunpowder will upend some carefully curated ‘server theme’ is bizarre – it doesn’t exist! Everybody has a different idea of it and despite what some people would claim, there is no ‘orthodox’ theme. You can’t pin down something as abstract as that. People do largely what they want, according to what will motivate them to create and build. As a community, we tend to have this quasi-pluralistic ‘live and let live’ mentality towards different communities and player-bases. If they’re not affecting us, they do what they want. It doesn’t matter how ridiculous or ‘not on theme’ something is (Obviously there are general boundaries – boundaries which firearms are well and truly within!) – if you don't like it that much, you don’t engage with it. One of the things that upsets me the most about this debate is that this is a courtesy extended to every RP group on the server, no matter how objectively horrific, but is one that is never extended to people who want a different type of flavor through firearms in RP. I don’t get a say over the fact that you role-play a bipedal, talking cat, no matter how much it might break my immersion or be misaligned with my view of the server theme. PS: I can name a dozen fantasy universes where firearms co-exist with elves, armor, swords, dwarves, magic, pixies etc. At this point, this is completely void. We know that all of these things can co-exist in a balanced world with firearms – almost more of them have firearms than don’t. So why are we beating this dead horse as opposed to tackling the substance of the matter?

What a beautiful build! How do I contact a real estate agent? Regards.

A bewigged Harrenite official wipes his moistened brow with a frilled handkerchief. “God save the Emperor,” he murmurs to a colleague at the Ministry, “A lesser man might have abdicated his duties at the sight of a Nordling invasion. Not he. To another half-century of his good health!” @elerossi

I think very much that this is the precursor to that – and hopefully the end of forced city-states!

A wonderful first step. +1

Prince Magnus of Casteburg’s accountant, the ninety-three year old Graf Ulrich von Lochlear und Stahl emerges from a leafy bush. “You swine. You traitor. You rat. You’ve ruined my political career. Why can’t you just leave me in peace, hmm? Well, you’ve always got me into trouble, but now you’ve really gone too far. I’m going to teach you a lesson and I am going to stop you.” With that, he falls into the fire-pit, his robes catching alight on the embers.

Frederick Armas, a would-be Knight of the Petrine Order, is caught about with some other business, and so indicates his fealty to the Emperor when he gets the chance. “I swear to be true to the Emperor and the realm and not to maintain silence about any evil that I may know which is being contemplated against them. I swear to work tirelessly to the betterment of the Empire and the Orenian people that comprise it. I swear also not to eat or drink with traitors and not to have anything in common with them, and always to defend the honor of the gentlemen I serve. This I swear by the Holy Scrolls.”

SUBPOENA 14 O.F, 1750 THE PLAINTIFF, Leopold Helvets, Represented by Frederick Armas, Esq. DESIRES TO SUMMON THE FOLLOWING PARTY TO COURT; The Estate of R. Kaedrin ON THE BASIS OF THE FOLLOWING PRINCIPLE(S), DOCTRINE(S), EDICT(S) OR ARTICLES OF LAW; “TABLE VI. On Patrimony, Obligatory Heirs of the non-Imperial and Gentry. The obligatory heirs are the male children and male descendants with respect to their parents and male ascendants.” “TABLE III. On Absence. Following a public absence, as decided by a magistrate or the Emperor, of eight years of more, it is the right of these parties to redistribute the patrimony of the absentee among his heirs.” In challenging the last will and testament of R. Kaedrin, Adrian I, which proclaims verbatim: “III. The Helvets Estate, being defined as the Duchy of Cathalon, the Varoche Palace, and the assorted intellectual and material properties hereafter referred to as the ‘Helvetii Vault’, are to be familial demesne of my sons Thomas Tancred, Peter Owyn, Leopold Guy, Robert Castor, Henry Frederick, and Richard Victor. IV. Until from amongst my sons one’s feats deems him worthy, as arbitrated by the attorneys of this will or a higher power, there shall be no Duke of Cathalon.” It is the opinion of the plaintiff that as he is, to the knowledge of the law (His elder two brothers having been absent for longer than eight years, thereafter declared deceased under Imperial law), the eldest surviving son of R. Kaedrin, Adrian I, under the system of Imperial law which considers patrimony and succession through the lens of cognatic male-preference succession systems, the peerage title of Duke of Cathalon and the associated privileges therein are his rightful property. The purpose of this claim is to arbitrate on that matter. Additionally, it is the opinion of the plaintiff that the estate’s fourth provision is in violation of these principles of succession in addition to being arbitrary and indeterminable. A ‘feat’ in this instance is not clarified, with complex and flexible parameters, and can not be expected to hold up within a court of law. Nonetheless, even taking this wish of the defendant’s estate into account, an objective viewer would determine that the plaintiff meets this criteria, having: Fought and defeated, in the field of battle, the dread pirate Antonius, in the service of the 2nd Regiment of Foot (Also known as the Commonwealth Grenadiers). Other services and actions rendered in service to the Holy Orenian Empire in his capacity as an ensign of the Imperial State Army. Accordingly, it is the conclusion of the plaintiff that under fair and sensible law, the peerage of the Duke of Cathalon is his rightful property. WITH THE TESTIMONY AND INTERPRETATION OF; Jasper de Sarkozy, Secretary of State of Civil Affairs Joseph Adler, Solicitor-General Henry Rovin, Governor-General of Kaedrin APPERTAINING TO THE JURISDICTION OF; The Eastern Circuit Court, ON THE DESIRED DATE OF; To be affirmed in pre-judicial arbitration, with the intention of avoiding a hearing in proper and settling before a trial is necessary. YOURS HUMBLY, The Plaintiff, Leopold Guy Helvets [Mordu#6495]

“Finally, a burgomaster worth voting for,” offers Frederick Armas to an aide on one of his professional trips to Helena, “I have supported a paving initiative in humanity’s metropolises since I was a young man. That such advances in engineering are finally come to pass pleases me, I must say.”

Imagine trying to defend this quality of “”RP””. You could find better on Fortnite or GMod dark RP.

Stress.

The Premier of Kaedrin reads the missive, his flickered wig askew slightly. He strains against the writing, his already beady eyes squinting at it. “I should think to undertake a Morsgradi trial is as interesting an idiom as I have yet heard. You could say Franz Carrion undertook a Morsgradi trial upon himself...or perhaps John the Third, John the Fourth, and John the Sixth. A terrible thing, the old Morsgradi trial. My dear late wife, even, with her consumption, would have done well to undertake one as a remedy.” He pauses for a moment as Samuel de Langford fails to laugh at his joke. “We mustn’t speak ill of the dead, I agree.”

“Ah, a decent proclamation by our emperor,” offers the Premier of Kaedrin to his secretary, “Though as their leaders are under the spell of the Great Deceiver, who wishes us to fight one another to serve his twisted aims, they may prefer war. I do not blame them for being so misled – he is a most tricksy demon, who we too have fallen victim to at times. But perhaps I am wrong, and maybe they shall elect to be something other than his puppet. After all, why is this nonsense even worth any elven lives at all?”

@Trenchist The Premier of Kaedrin reads the missive in the Commonwealth’s secure situation room, tiny eye-glasses perched atop the bridge of his nose. His gnarled hands, messy with the salty juice from the Ruberni mud-crab he is sharing with Samuel de Langford, stain his copy of the parchment all over. “Ever read the Canon, lieutenant colonel? No? Well, somewhere in one of the apocrypha I remember reading a story on how the false priests of Harren prayed loudly on the street corners so that everyone might know how righteous they were.” He pushes forward the document, placing a handful of the succulent crab meat within his slack jaw. “These coalitionist gentlemen remind me of them, in their false humility. The Nordling chieftain will sign simply his name, making quite a loathsome song-and-dance about how humble and honorable and free of sin he is. He writes of the accursed, duplicitous southern lawyers and Helena politicians in nearly every sentence. Yet as with all of the Great Deceiver’s servants, he is to his core obsessed with meaningless sinecures and entitlements. In the very same breath, he preaches about the ‘theft of titles’ and ‘ancient rights’ as if some forgotten peerages are the most important thing in this world.” “It’s a damned strange thing, isn’t it? This is a fine missive from this Devereaux ruler. I never thought I would see the day when it was somehow shameful to show loyalty to your Emperor.”

A letter is returned to Ser Loras’ return address in the mail. ”Dear sir, Your words do me great service, and I am pleased that you concur with my hypothesis on these wastrels. It would be my pleasure to donate any proceeds of this work to your foundation. Enclosed you shall also find a promissory note which you may redeem at the nearest branch of the Denims-Therving Bank, drawn from my account there. Warmest regards, A Friend to Augustus.”

ON TELEMARI A brief guide C. 1745 What is a telemari? The term ‘telemari’ is derived from the apocryphal Kingdom of Telemar, which was well-known to chroniclers as the first reference to these people in history. A telemari is an anomaly. It is a person who belongs to a ‘civilisation’ (If you can call it that) with no history, no culture, and incredibly little of any worth. The primary means by which he gets what he wants is by begging. If that is not successful, he will swindle or rob you. He prefers to stab you in the back, and feels no shame in betraying you. Having a friendship with a telemari is comparable to having a friendship with a crazed and rabid dog - likely to be very brief, and you will inevitably get bitten. What is the character of a telemari? A telemari is, by his very nature, a parasite. He has never worked an honest profession in his life. He begs, lies, cajoles and steals. He has no loyalty to anyone except himself, no honour of code of ethics. He is illiterate, though, and typically rather cowardly. A simple census-taker is enough to scare him into hiding, possibly because he is deeply ashamed of his illiteracy or possibly because he fears apprehension for his crimes if his identity becomes known. What do telemari want? As they are to humanity as cockroaches are to the insect family, telemari are governed by their most basic urges. Coin and material goods are an example of such, but the most significant is their lust for titles. The telemari pursues titles, especially titles of aristocracy, that he does not deserve. He will imagine up that he is a ‘prince’, or an ‘archduke’, or the ‘lord high everything else’. Telemari never have real noble blood. They are imposters whose ancestors were of an unwanted, nomadic criminal caste for hundreds of years. Telemari are incredibly self-aggrandizing, and will name anything they can after themselves. This is also partially because they have no folk heroes, as they have no history or legends. In his pursuit of titles, he will go to the Great Deceiver for aid, an Ibleesian entity who will promise him the world while operating exclusively in the shadows. The Great Deceiver’s primary tactic is to promise the impossible, which appeals greatly to the telemari, as he covets what he does not deserve. If you do not give a telemari what he is begging you for, or perhaps you do not show him the respect he claims he is owed by virtue of his fabricated titles, he will become furious and violent with you. What else makes a telemari a telemari? The most defining aspect of a telemari (Other than his shameless behaviour) is that despite his claims otherwise, his people have no culture and no history. Until around sixty years ago, they were nomadic and travelled in caravans, lying, swindling and murdering. They had no systems of writing before that time, and no history that has not been fabricated after-the-fact. How do you tell a telemari by his name? Well, the answer is that you can’t by that alone. Telemari purloin their names from other cultures, whether they are Heartlander, Highlander, or Farfolk. Perhaps between themselves they call each other by arcane and mysterious true names, however, if this is the case, it is not known to us. They do this for two reasons: firstly, because they have no cultural heritage, no language, no names of their own to employ in the first place. Secondly, the telemari desires to blend in, to assuage his targets of their own security by presenting an image of familiarity. One must constantly keep an eye out for this insidious trickery. What faith do telemari profess? All sorts of faiths, but usually Canonism in contemporary times. No other faith can provide them with the necessary cover they need to stab as many victims in the back as they can, and steal as much from them as they can. They do, however, have no loyalty to this faith and would renounce it at a moment’s notice if it will help them get what they want, as they have no principles. What do I do if I encounter a telemari? Telemari must be avoided at all costs. The first thing you must do if you encounter a telemari is ignore him. Most likely, he will persist and beg you for money. If ignoring fails, you must turn to him, and you must say: “Go away, telemari!” with a forceful voice. If this does not work, you must defend yourself. Where do telemari live? They have a presence everywhere, but primarily live in the Gypsywood north of Kaedrin, south of Haense and west of Curon.