The Daily Dunshire, Issue 3!

[NotEvilAtAll 10906]

Spoiler

 

[!] A few sheets of paper are nailed to the Dunshire Noticeboard and on other places.

 

The Daily Dunshire!

Circa 8th of Sun's Smile, 1668

~Dunshire as seen by the eagles~

Lo t'ere fellas! And welcome back to the new edition of The Daily Dunshire, Dunshire's official newspaper!

In this issue:

~The Future of Dunshire, an opinion piece by Trixie

~Larry Hills and Kacey get married!

~Evil gnomes spotted in No-Booze Forest!

~Sheriff Angelica Woodstock mysteriously disappears!

~The Boo-Boo Tent, for all your medicinal needs!

~The Daily Dunshire is accepting new writers!

~Afterwords

 

The Future of Dunshire, an opinion piece by Trixie

 

In the quaint village of Dunshire a disquiet grows. Dunshire was once a place of merriness and kindness where any Halfling could feel safe and content, no longer is this the case. The source of this change? Look no further than the big’uns. It is they who stop good Halflings from enjoying a night in the village. No longer can a Halfling enjoy themselves in the local tavern and return to their warm Burrow in the early hours of morning. No, instead they must huddle home as soon as the sun sets, less they find themselves on the wrong side of a pointy sword. Many Halflings, no longer feeling safe within Dunshire, have fled and joined other towns, Big’un towns. These poor, misguided Halflings have become what we Dunshire folk call Improper Halflings. I have seen Halflings walking around in armour, carrying weapons of all things! Even the hearty folk within Dunshire have begun to talk of raising a militia! We live in worrying times.

 

Yet I implore my fellow Halfling to avoid falling to the big‘un ways. In these troubling times we should not look to hide in big’un towns, nor should we follow their warmongering nature. Instead, we should do what Halflings have always done, band together. In these troubling times, I Trixie, say that we should bring about a new age within Dunshire! We already have a Sheriff and a Deputy Sheriff, I say that every Halfling should have a place within Dunshire and a role he or she must fulfill.

 

Looking around our great village, I considered several roles that I believe would bring about this new age within Dunshire. Innkeepers, who can ensure that no Halfling ever finds themselves with an empty pint in their hands. Daily Dunshire Writers who can make sure that every Halfling knows what they need to know. Farmers and Fishermen who can guarantee that every Halfling goes to bed with a full belly. Woodsmen, who can care for our local forest whilst giving every Halfling a warm hearth for winter. Builders who can ensure that every Halfling has a burrow to call their own. Of course, if you have Builders, we’ll need Diggers to give those Builders the materials they need. Finally, our village is a very pretty village and I say that we should have Gardeners who can maintain the beauty of Dunshire.

 

Let us all work together, Halflings of Dunshire. It is only together that we can keep Dunshire safe from the Big’uns!

 

Larry Hills and Kacey get married!

~Larry Hills and Kacey being married before a Canonist Priest, with fireworks and cake eating happening right after~

Love, love is such a wonderful thing. And it has wormed its way into the minds of Larry Hills and Kacey and bonded them forever in marriage! Even more exciting: The couple has recently given birth to a wonderful baby named Loraine! I, Madeline Applefoot, wish this new couple all the luck in the world, and you should do the same!

 

Evil gnomes spotted in No-Booze Forest!

~The lair of the gnomes~

When our brave halfling explorers set foot into No-Booze Forest, they had no idea what they were getting themselves into. Not even I was fully aware of the extent of this problem. When the party journeyed into the Forest, they soon found themselves ambushed by three gnome-savages, who dragged off Trixie into their dark domain! It took all the courage our wee li'l hearts could muster to drag her back out of such an evil place.

 

Now that Trixie has been saved from the gnomes, we'll be sending another party of brave halflings to deal with the problem once and for all. We cannot let Dunshire be at risk!

 

Sheriff Angelica Woodstock mysteriously disappears!

~Some halflings drinking in the Drunken Duck Tavern without their beloved Sheriff!~

It seems we are down a sheriff! Woe is us!

 

She was last seen in Dunshire, happy and smiling just like anyone else. The only thing we know about her whereabouts are the rumors that she had been captured by the big bad dwarves who've been frequenting Dunshire recently. If anyone can bring Angelica back to Dunshire, they'll be rewarded with a cake and a large hug from each halfling resident!

 

The Boo-Boo Tent, for all your medical needs!

~The new halfling mother rests after a long day~

The issue was originally brought up by Hank Hills (May he rest in peace) after he suffered from many scratches and bruises and noticed we didn't have a place to properly deal with such injuries. The Boo-Boo Tent was constructed using the old Llama-tent, and so far it has served us well, having been freshly stocked and redesigned by Harold Applefoot, and having serviced both Kacey and a brave Kha who took grievous wounds defending Dunshire. It has all the modern medical equipment, including a bone saw, herbs, and bed.

 

Dunshire's inhabitants are now safe from injuries and infections! Hurrah!

 

The Daily Dunshire is accepting new writers!

~The room where The Daily Dunshire is written, inside of the Applefoot family burrow~

It is quite a chore for me alone to write all of the stories in The Daily Dunshire. However, if more writers write for The Daily Dunshire, then there'll be more newspapers for us all to read and enjoy! Submit any stories or writings you wish to see in The Daily Dunshire to the Applefoot burrow's mailbox, where I can receive it. 

((or just message me on the forums, @NotEvilAtAll))

 

Afterwords

Dunshire is currently doing quite well, and I'd love to see us halflings keep on doing well for all of time! Long Live Dunshire's Democracy, and Lord Knox bless us all!

 

-Madeline Applefoot, Elder of Dunshire

 

Note: Do you think we ought ter do another election soon? Tell me if ye want to see somethin' like that!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Britannicvs 2508]

Dwifar Goldhand remembers cooking Larry Hills and his wife. "Hur hur hur." He chuckled as he looked down the page. Pausing at the missing shiriff part and smirking.

[thesaintjaleel 792]

"Why does this race still exist...." asks Valdun with a squint to the page

[NotEvilAtAll 10906]

54 minutes ago, Licorish said:

"Why does this race still exist...." asks Valdun with a squint to the page

“Why do ‘umans still exis’? T’ey’ve ‘ad so maneh wars be’ween themselves. T’ere’s no way tha’ t’eh ‘uman women are bearin’ enough children ter sus’ain such bloodshed.” Madeline Applefoot responds

[thesaintjaleel 792]

26 minutes ago, NotEvilAtAll said:

“Why do ‘umans still exis’? T’ey’ve ‘ad so maneh wars be’ween themselves. T’ere’s no way tha’ t’eh ‘uman women are bearin’ enough children ter sus’ain such bloodshed.” Madeline Applefoot responds

"I'm not sure, maybe you should ask a human those questions - short stuff." He responded back

[Hobbs_Burrows 497]

Ernie Parker 'borrows' the latest edition of the Daily Dunshire from Benjamin's burrow, and reads it with interest over an egg and bacon brunch courtesy of the Drunken Duck Inn.

[MunaZaldrizoti 8037]

Moved to The Great Library. It shall be sorted into the appropriate category shortly.

 

If you feel this is a mistake, please contact myself or any FM and we'll restore it.