DRAMA IN BRANDYBROOK! [BRANDYBROOK TIMES, FIRST ISSUE]

[littyfam 790]

BRANDYBROOK TIMES

“For the people”

FIRST ISSUE

Written by Kit Comb Applefoot II

 

CONTENTS

DRAMA IN BRANDYBROOK

SPORT

FOOD

FASHION

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW: TAURIN GARDNER

 

DRAMA IN BRANDYBROOK

Brandybrook citizens may be aware of ongoing drama between one Taurin Gardner and an unnamed newspaper. This ongoing drama has been the cause of many frustrations and arguments, including child abduction and possible robbery!

Recently, following the abduction of an unnamed child, Taurin Gardner would have an outburst towards one Filibert. This would lead to the subsequent [alleged] assault and robbery of Filibert. This issue is still ongoing, and yet to be resolved.

Continue reading for an insight into Taurin’s side of the story, and possible exposés to be released!

SPORT

The long awaited Brandybrook Shogging Tournament may occur soon, notable as a tournament based on the iconic sport of Brandybrook. We’ll keep you updated further on the tournament in our next issues!

Fort building is also a popular topic, ensure to aid in the building in Brandybrook!

FOOD

If you’ve been stumped for recipes for your family, this is the right place!

-         Taters

These delectable goods are simple to make! A staple in any halfling burrow, these require fresh potatoes from the Brandybrook farms (we prefer the ones in the rural side of Brandybrook, they have a special taste) and a nice, warm oven! Just slide your taters in there, and out they come as a nice, warm baked tater!

-         Alcoholic Drinks

An oft served item at the Brandybrook drinking nights, this type of beverage is all the rage among halflings, and rightfully so! Make sure to support your local breweries by purchasing from the tavern!

FASHION

-         MEN’S WEAR

For children, the ever popular suspenders over a button-up shirt is a must-have! Complete the outfit with some complimenting slacks, and your child will have girls swooning over him!

For adults, we recommend the addition of a tie to your wear, and even an overshirt! Taking a page out of the biggun’s book may be a bit controversial, but these outfits are stunning, and will have your wife all over you!

-         WOMEN’S WEAR

For children, any outfit will suffice! Young halfling girls are very versatile in their wear!

For adults, practical outfits are all the rage. Make sure to pick up some pants, or make your own! We suggest a cotton sack for the creation of these pants, so make sure to not throw out your old tater sacks!

EXCLUSIVE: AN INTERVIEW WITH TAURIN GARDNER!

 

 

 

 

Embers have been brewing in Brandybrook! Here we have the latest opinions of Taurin Gardner, and his future plans to deal with Filibert and his newspaper!

 

INTERVIEW:

 

What are your opinions on Brandybrook’s fortifications?

“They need more work. But everyone’s busy on [redacted] abducting children and writing slandering people in the news!”

 

How is your home life with the Thain?

“Good. She seems to be one of the only sane people [around] here.”

 

What are your opinions on Beetroot News?

“A [redacted] slanderous bunch of bull[redacted] ink that has been spat on the page by a moron that doesn’t have two brain cells to rub together.”

 

What are your opinions on the village in general?

“Many good people but too many lazy, slanderous, lying, idiotic pricks.”

 

What was your opinion on the latest Drinking Night?

“Good.”

 

TAURIN WRITING AN EXPOSE ON FILIBERT?

Recently, Taurin stated that he is planning on releasing an exposé on Filibert, requesting him to be removed from his “trusted position”. What will this entail? Stay tuned as we release the latest in this case!

“Writing an expose on Filibert. He needs to be removed from his trusted position.”

 

ANNE SAYS:

“Filibert is a funny, but a prick.”

[NotEvilAtAll 10906]

Filibert Applefoot reads this new newspaper right before publishing his own ”Hrm... oi’ll ‘ave ter tell meh own side o’ t’is storeh...”

He’d continue writing like mad!

[Notic 953]

Sean leans back in his chair, pondering, “Hm, Taurin doesn’t tawk loike tat. Even still, weird tew ‘tink tat ‘e thinks o’ me an’ te otter idiots as lazy.” Sean sat, realizing he just called himself stupid.

[Britannicvs 2508]

“I’m sorry, didn’t you try to eat corpses!?” Alfie snorted.