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Self-Loathing [TW]


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OOC Warning:

Self harm, Attempted Suicide, and other disturbing images are described in the following post. If any of these bother you, I highly recommend you click off.

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A portrait of a young Ragnvald Eiriksson Ruric and Friedrich Henrysson. (credit to @wowsirss)

 

Ragnvald stared at the portrait of a younger Freddy and himself in his room in Eiriksgrad. His mind swirled with maddening thoughts. How did it come to this? How did things change? Where did I go wrong? It had already been a while since he and his lover split, and things seemed to be on a downward spiral since that point. His relationship with his only daughter that he loved so much had been strained, and all because he had failed to spend proper time with her. Inside, he knew he was failing at being a Father.

 

After a bit, he put the portrait down and went to sit himself down on his bed. He pulled out his dagger and toyed with the blade, pricking himself in the finger a few times in the process. Ragnvald flinched, but he shrugged off the pain. He had sustained worse, after all. Even so Ragnvald sighed softly as he watched the crimson blood drip down his finger and onto his blade with an infatuated gaze. He looked to the palm of his good right hand, and placed the blade of his dagger in his palm. Ragnvald squeezed tight, then pulled. The blade slid across the palm of his hand and left a deep gash as Ragnvald grit his teeth. 

 

Suddenly, a voice emanated from behind the man.

"Ragnvald."

 

Ragnvald spun around and pointed the dagger in the direction of the voice. There stood Jari. His Father. The man who Ragnvald had not seen since he was just a small boy. His eyes widened, his dagger falling to the floor as Ragnvald stood up and approached the man.
"...Dad?" Ragnvald spoke softly, still approaching the figure cautiously.

 

Jari smiled and opened up his arms. Ragnvald rushed to his Father, desperate to embrace him, before phasing through the figure and falling to his knees. When he turned, Jari was gone, and Ragnvald was again left in his room. After comprehending what he had just seen, Ragnvald looked up to the ceiling and roared out. His cry was not that of anger, but one of Sadness. Grief. Regret. Had he not been a good enough son? Was that why Jari was never around?

 

Ragnvald shut his eyes and slowly went to reach for the dagger that lied on the floor. He pressed the blade to his throat, and said his prayers. 

 

"Papa?" came a voice from behind his door. Ragnvald pulled the blade away from his throat with a gasp, then turned to look at the door "Y-Yes, my dear?"

"I can't sleep. Can du come tell me ein bedtime story?" Ragnvald looked down at his hands, then feeling his neck. He had barely pierced the skin, only leaving a small scratch. Ragnvald quickly got up, hid the dagger in his drawer, then went to find bandages. 

 

"I'll be out in a moment, my dear."

 

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crying, sobbing, balling, vomiting. pay me for emotional damage.

to quote my favourite anime ‘you’re gonna carry that weight’

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;-; make him go to therapy please i beg you. he deserves to live laugh love 

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Sometimes short stories can be the most impactful, especially when you play a character related to them ❤

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