A Sparrow's Diary [I]

[Toffee 2843]

The pavilion within the Augustine gardens, circa 1837.

 

Please do not metagame this information.

 

13th of Horen’s Calling, 1835
The city of Providence is huge. Larger, even, than Mother described it. The streets are wide enough for two carriages to pass by one another with more than an arm’s length between them, and the buildings are so high I must crane my neck to see the tops of them.
                I travelled to the city from Dobrov with only my small travelling case. However, there are so many shops here, I am sure Mother will buy me plenty of dresses. And, being farther south, the air is warm, and does not inflame my cough. This is fortuitous, for if I had been too exhausted upon arriving in the city, I would have had the carriage take me directly to the palace gates rather than decide to wander there myself on foot. Had I not done that, I would not have met Eirik Baruch.
                He is a very nice boy, a little younger than me, I would guess. He says that he is the heir to the Duchy of Valwyck, within the Kingdom of Haense. I envy him for being able to travel so far from home. The short trip from Dobrov to the capital felt like an age—I cannot imagine riding as far north as the Kingdom of Haense on horseback, or even having the strength to ride for very long on horseback at all.

 

11th of Tobias’ Bounty, 1835
From when I was a young girl, there was always a shadow hovering over our family. Anna. The older sister I never knew, taken from her cradle by Azdrazi. Father was always quiet and removed and, although she was warm and loving for my sake, Mother never smiled in the same bright, carefree way she smiled in the portraits from when she was a young princess.
                Today, I saw her smile like that for the first time. Today, I met my sister.
                She goes by Moliana and dresses in a strange fashion that is quite foreign to the Imperial court. I never expected that I would meet her, but when I saw her enter the room during the debut, I knew instantly that it was her. It was like looking into a mirror, though she is taller, prettier, and much more confident. She is what I could have been, were I not so ill.
                After Father died, Mother set out to scour the continent for the long-lost Anna. She found her in Haense, knowing her for her eyes; we all bear the same silvery-grey irises inherited from my namesake, grandfather Joseph. We all reunited after the debut and I could not help my deluge of emotion. I was so distraught when Mother left and I had to live outside of the castle, in the nunnery, while cousin Alexandra ruled as Countess. Now, I realise that GOD willed Mother’s absence, so that she could find Anna and bring her home.
                In my emotion, my cough flared up. Anna seemed concerned, and pondered aloud if there was perhaps a cure to be found. I have tried many kinds of concoctions and remedies, but something feels different this time. I think my sister may be able to help me.

 

13th of Owyn’s Flame, 1836
I was walking in the garden and saw Moliana (this is what I now call her) by the fountain with a boy. His name is Elimar. He seems a scatterbrained sort, unable to even run a brush through his own hair. I wondered if, perhaps, they were courting… but such a notion is ridiculous. Moliana will find a match within the Imperial court, and I have never seen this Elimar before. I do not know his pedigree, but he must be a commoner, if I have not seen his name in the Imperial Genealogical Archives.
                When I approached, Moliana began acting very strangely, hiding something from me behind her back. She has many secrets, this long-lost sister of mine. Of her past, the family who raised her, and where she goes when she disappears for days at a time and returns with worn travelling boots caked in dust. We may be sisters by blood but, in truth, we are strangers. I do not expect her to confide in me. Still, it is lonely to see her and Elimar walk out of the Augustine gates, leaving me alone by the fountain.
                I returned indoors when it began to rain with sudden violence, soaking me through to the skin. I know I should have gone upstairs to change rather than risk catching cold, but I cannot bear to have Mother’s lady’s maids clucking around me as though I am still a child. I am fifteen years old; practically a woman in my own right. Neither could I bear to attend court; not only  because of my sopping gown, but also because it is frightfully boring. Mother stands dutifully through every single session, as one can only expect of an Imperial Princess.
                It was easy to forget that she was of such rank, when we lived in Dobrov. Such a dour place sucked the joy and glamour from her so that, by the time I was born, she was already tired and faded. Returning to Providence has brought her to life again. She has an entirely new wardrobe and has unearthed her jewellery collection. She sparkles as she strides through the Augustine. Between her and Moliana, I feel very small and drab indeed.
                Instead of going to court, I hid away in the library beside the fire. That is where Moliana found me. A golden mist seeped from her bag and twined around us as though it had a mind of its own, syphoning the rainwater away and leaving us with silken hair and unruffled clothing. It is different from the magic displayed during her debut, when music played and a disembodied voice called her name. Where has she been, who has she met, to learn such wondrous magicks? It scared me, at first, this display of power, but the more that Moliana shows me glimpses into this world of hers, the deeper I am drawn in.
                She says she will be the greatest sorceress in the land, and I believe her. One day soon, she will surpass us all.

 

13th of Tobias’ Bounty, 1836
A ruby necklace in the window of the Red Rose Boutique caught my eye when I went into the city today for the purpose of buying a new sewing kit. Moliana should have been named Ruby of the Season instead of Alina Basrid; I wanted to buy the necklace for her, but the price stretched far beyond my means. When Father died, we were left impoverished. Mother has been able to dip into the Aldersberg coffers to give the impression of wealth, but in truth, our apartment in the Augustine is the most luxury and splendour I have enjoyed in all my days. We share it with Mother's family, who I enjoy the company of. Moliana does not enjoy them so much. I oft hear her muttering about locks on doors and being blockaded from her room.
                I returned to the apartment today to see Booker, the strange little boy who follows Moliana like a shadow, sitting in my favourite armchair. He is most unnerving, his face all wrapped up save for a glitter where his eyes shine out from the dark, but Moliana cares for him deeply, so I shall try to care for him, too. He asked if Elimar was going to make Moliana eat a baby! If that thought alone was not shocking enough, Mother attempting to explain where babies come from made me quite faint. Everyone knows that GOD gifts a babe to a man and a woman joined in holy matrimony, and that is the end of it. 
                Thankfully, talk soon turned elsewhere. Moliana has discovered a potential cure for my illness—a crimson flower in the southern deserts. I cannot imagine making such a trip in all my days, but Moliana has travelled almost everywhere across the continent. To the realm of Elvenesse, where the trees and stone twine together to make buildings and its inhabitants are preternaturally beautiful and ancient beyond comprehension. To the frozen wastes of the north, where the city of Karosgrad sits nestled, a bastion of warmth and comfort. Ando Alur, the fantastical city of great darkness and beautiful, unimaginable power. She is so young, yet she has already lived a full life.
And here I sit, reading and doing needlework. I have more in common with the silly, twittering courtiers Moliana holds such disdain for than I do with her. That is all right. I am happy just listening to her stories, even if I will never live them.
                I was enjoying listening to her stories when a strange man entered our apartment. I had never seen him before, yet his eyes were so familiar… He revealed himself to be our father, whom we thought dead. Overwhelming rage thundered through me such that I have never felt before. When Father died, I always thought I would cry with joy to be able to see him one last time, but seeing him standing before me in the flesh, having allowed us and the world to think him dead, I could remember nothing but my cold, narrow cot in the nunnery. He said that him being gone was in the best interests of our family, but he left us alone and impoverished, Mother already a wan and broken thing in the wake of Anna’s kidnapping.
                I hate him. I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I HATE HIM I HATE HIM I HATE HIM I HATE HIM I HATE YOU. I hope you burn in fire in the deepest pits of the earth.

 

19th of Sigismund’s End, 1836
My mood is much improved since the last time I penned an entry. I have seen no more of Father—he has disappeared into the wind again, leaving no trace whatsoever. It is as though he is truly dead, and I am content with that.
                Mother brought me a stew brewed from the crimson flower Moliana found in the desert. While it has not cured me, I find I have more energy, and coughs do not wrack me with quite so much pain as they did before. I am able to wander around the palace grounds for hours at a time. 
                I thought my illness was what kept me tethered, and that if only I could be free from my failing body I would fly on the updrafts of my potential but—thanks to the flower, my illness has abated. And yet I stroll in circles through the Augustine, tethered by the invisible leash of my own meekness. I wish I had the courage to seize this new energy and travel as Moliana has.

 

11th of Horen’s Calling, 1837
Today is the day of the Nove Jubilee, where Mother will be modelling new dresses crafted by the most fashionable seamstresses in the Empire. I write this in the rafters of the ballroom, lit by a shaft of dusty sunlight seeping through a crack in the stone. Booker found me as I was leaving the apartment and we decided to secure a vantage point away from the hustle and bustle of the crowds below. He is much more agile than I, and has scampered off somewhere I cannot follow. I know, for Mother’s sake, that I must attend the show, so I will sneak to a seat in the back once I pluck up the courage.
                Mother was utterly resplendent. She complains about the fine lines feathering around her eyes and how she is sure to start greying soon, but in truth, she is still beautiful. I wish I had her blonde locks and healthy rose flush to her cheeks. When I look in the mirror, I see a thin, pale oval of a face staring back at me, framed by lank strands of raven hair. The bright dresses Mother bought for me wash my skin out even more. I feel as though my gowns wear me instead of the other way around.
                Nonetheless, I enjoyed my day. I spoke to Grandfather Joseph for the first time since I was very little, and he said I looked pretty in my red dress.

 

15th of Horen’s Calling, 1837
I can never read in the library ever again. I was sitting by the window when a horrible monster pressed its face against the glass and bellowed for me to leave. My heart beat wildly in my chest and my throat closed up. As I write this now, my fingers tremble. Lady Anna made me a cup of hot chocolate to calm me down and Mother stroked my hair. Moliana strode off to investigate the monster for herself.
                Hours later, I cannot recall what the monster looked like, only the feel of my pulse thundering in my throat. How is Moliana so brave? She marched off towards the library with no weapons but her own wit.
                I sat curled in Mother’s lap as I did when I was very a small girl, waiting for my terror to subside. The ordeal has left me so very tired. I do not feel like writing any more.

 

11th of Sun’s Smile, 1837
Today was the coronation of Emperor Philip II. We sat behind Princesses Josephine Augusta and Anne Caroline; I have seen them around court before, these cousins of my mother. I remember one occasion I met them in the halls, prior to the Social Season beginning, and they were very candid in their opinions. Princess Anne despises the Season and all its facets, while Princess Josephine wishes she had been able to partake. You see, she was betrothed at a young age, and I suspect from her tone that theirs is not a happy union.
                I do not expect to marry for love, though I do hope I will at least be content and comfortable in my marriage, as I hope Mother shall be.
                I race ahead of myself. Following the coronation, the Emperor led us all to the throne room, where he bestowed a number of titles. He granted the Duchy of Adria to his son and heir, Prince Philip Aurelian, the Duchy of Crestfall to his daughter, Princess Josephine, and raised Sir Otis de Rosius to the rank of Baron. While these events were certainly momentous on their own merit, the true shock came when he announced that Prince Philip would be wed once more, to none other than… Mother.
                My Mother shall one day be Empress of the Holy Orenian Empire. Two short years ago she was commending Lady Anastasia, who is to be the Empress when Prince Philip Amadeus rises to the throne, and yet, she will attain that position before her. When my eyes met Moliana’s across the throne room—wide with shock as I am sure mine were—it is the first time I felt a wordless, sisterly communication pass between us. We were both bewildered by the announcement, but knew without needing to verbally communicate that Mother needed us in that moment.
                We both went to her side and supported her to a seat, fanning her as the shock wore off. Prince Philip approached us to speak of the upcoming union, and how things would be moving into the future. I sensed little love or warmth from him, but he seems a dutiful man who will treat Mother with respect and dignity. More than my Father ever offered her, to be sure. When my cough reared its head, Prince Philip was kind and caring, and offered to send for his own private doctor.
                I do not know what our lives will be like when Mother is Empress, but I know that this is a new responsibility placed on not only Mother’s shoulders, but mine and Moliana’s, too. I shall do all that I can to make Mother proud and serve the Imperial family.

 

9th of Godfrey’s Triumph, 1838
Mother’s wedding was a humble affair, considering both she and Prince Philip have been married once before. I have seen paintings and statues of his late wife; she was very beautiful, and from the reverent way people speak of her at court, well-liked. Mother was friends with Amadea in their girlhood, and her eyes take on a far-off, misty look whenever she speaks of her. I think Mother misses her, as well.
                During the ceremony, Moliana gave me a pendant she bought in Yong Ping while on her travels. It is an Aurum oblong, dangling from a delicate chain, and bears the strange characters of Yong Ping stamped onto its face. Moliana says it is to ward off evil spirits, including the monster I saw in the library. This is the second gift she has given me—first the restorative flower, and now this talisman. I shall need to find a perfect gift for her soon, but I do not think we have a penchant for the same things. Perhaps I shall need to speak to Elimar, the boy that continues hanging around her like a stray dog. Even if I do not like the impropriety of it, I suspect he knows her better than anyone.
                At dinner after the ceremony, Mother was showered with gifts from the courtiers. Across the table from me sat a woman who was vastly with child—I commented to Moliana that being in such a state must be incredibly uncomfortable. She confided in me that she will likely never have children. It was not shocking to hear this from her; Moliana has always struck me as a free spirit who would not like the restrictions that marriage and motherhood bring. Conversely, marriage will bring me much freedom. I will be able to travel to my husband’s estate and manage my own household. I want a flower garden that I can see from my sitting room window, and wide rolling fields I can enjoy from a shaded balcony dripping with lilacs and wisteria vines.
                I should not wish to marry an heir, however. I do not think I will be able to bear him children, and if I could… I fear the ordeal would kill me. I may be sickly and frail, but I still want to live, and to see as much of the world as my illness will allow me. Perhaps I will marry a second son, or a prince not of the main line. Mother announced at dinner that Moliana and I are members of the Imperial household and, although we do not have titles, we are to be afforded the same respect. Thus, I do not think it will be difficult to find a husband.
                Especially considering I have Moliana and Mother making machinations at every turn. Philip de Rosius gave up his seat for Moliana, and when young Prince Joseph flung food at his jacket and was subsequently dragged from the dining room by Princess Anne, Moliana offered to remove the stain. This left me sitting side by side with him while Moliana sauntered off, throwing an impish smile at me over her shoulder. Oh, for one who complains so much about the vapid, twittering courtiers, she certainly knows how to meddle with the best of them! Mother approached soon after and began a mild, motherly interrogation of Philip, asking him of the de Rosius estate near Redernford. She and Prince Philip will be visiting it on their Imperial Tour, and Mother oh-so-subtly mentioned that I might be accompanying them for that leg of the journey.
                The chateau sounds wonderful, and Philip said that the whole estate is coated with flowers of every shape and colour imaginable. Even if I am exasperated with the meddling, I do not think I should mind a quiet, comfortable life surrounded by blossoms and warm southern air.

[DahStalker 3692]

((love this post!!))

[Franczhiz 4437]

Spoiler

Philip de Rosius, Josephine and Moliana moments were so epic, love this post