[✗] [Magic Lore] Heartsflame

[PrimnyaQuorum 4000]

This just feels like a poor knock-off Canon Adherence that tries to be special in its incompatibles, with a disregard for existing precedent. That said, here's the specifics of my thoughts:

 

1 hour ago, framalam said:

COMPATIBILITIES + MAGIC EXPLANATION

A Hearthsoul is a Descendant touched by the Greater Souls, or a Greater Soul of the Seven Skies. They are empowered by this collective patron - the Skies. The Souls of the Seven Skies choose to lend themselves to Descendants who take to vigour; it is through vigour that these souls grow and ebb, and it is through vigour that they select their chosen.

 

A merchant, who sold all his possessions on a gamble; a troubadour who refuses any work but song; a scholar wholly devoted to his work, to the point of hermitage. To them, be they of Gravitas, Humilitas, or Sibylline - the Three mistaken as deities in their own right by the Hearthsouls of old - so long as the endeavours they pursue are pursued with vigour, they are pleased.

 

But, as the Souls are pleased, so too are they angered. By acting themselves as conduits to the Skies, the Hearth Souls become similarly vulnerable to their wrath. Sloth, failure, defeat, ineptitude - all unacceptable to their patrons above. The involvement of these second souls twist and pull at the Hearthsoul, their disappointment painfully tangible, inflicting mental and physical distress.

 

So long as the souls of their chosen are unimpeded in accepting their invitation to the Skies, any can be chosen so long as they serve the Souls’ will.

 

• Heartsflame is a [3] slot deific magic.
• Heartsflame is compatible with Heralds, both at feat and 1-slot level.
• Heartsflame is compatible with Seers, both at feat and slotted levels.
• Heartsflame is incompatible with any Dark magic.
• Heartsflame is incompatible with any Voidal magic.
• Heartsflame requires a Greater Soul for connection. It is not restricted to only humans.
• Heartsflame cannot be learned by any CAs.

 

Typically, Deific magics are wholly incompatible with one another with the exception of Seer that is compatible with everything. Why is is compatible with Heraldry? In addition: Klones are functionally identical to the descendant they were in regards to the Soul, why would they also be incompatible? If you mean transformative CAs, you should denote it specifically.

 

1 hour ago, framalam said:

PARAGONS

The Greater Souls, whether knowingly or not, separate themselves into categorizable groups. These collections of Souls merge, meld, and change together, though it is still the will of the individual that would ever branch out onto the mortal plane. All Souls in the Skies are melded together, albeit to differing extents. These closer knit amalgamations are most commonly seen in the form of the Paragons, like minded souls whose goals in blessing, and in life, may have aligned.

 

GRAVITAS THE GREAT	HUMILITAS THE GRACEFUL	SIBYLLINE THE WISE
Gravitas consists of the great Men who passed to the Skies. The valorous, the brave, the honourable - the great. They tend to empower those who took after them in life: warriors, conquerors, kings, statesmen, smiths; Gravitas’ favour is given unto those diligent.	Humilitas is all what the name alludes to: humility. Humility in spirit, in character, and in action. It is here the most saintly reside, martyrs, poets, artists, and preachers. Humilitas lends themselves to all those with grace, and compassion in their heart.	Sibylline in death is ever as curious as they were in life, often the most active of any paragon as they seek out scholars, clergymen, philosophers - Men who seek to uncover the questions their Souls never could. It is to them who they gift the drive to keep searching.

 

What's the point of this? There's no redlines about what these actually mean, what they do, or even how many one could have. I don't think a magical submission is a place to write World Lore about the Seven Skies.

 

1 hour ago, framalam said:

PROGRESSION

 

TIER 1	A novice Hearthsoul that may not even be aware of their empowerment, seeing it as good karma, or sheer luck. A Hearthsoul remains at this stage indefinitely without one more experienced in their connection to the Skies aiding them.
TIER 2	After [4] OOC weeks, and learning all Tier 1 spells from a Hearthsoul with an approved TA, a Hearthsoul moves on to Tier 2, able to more aptly manipulate their newfound boons.
TIER 3	[8] OOC weeks after connection, having learned all Tier 2 spells, and having been chosen by a paragon, a Tier 3 Hearthsoul serves as a more active vessel for the Skies. Choice of Paragon must be reflected on the player’s MA.
TIER 4	After welcoming the Skies within for [10] OOC weeks, a Hearthsoul begins to fully devote themselves towards their paragon, their servitude being repaid in kind by more direct guidance.
TIER 5	A true avatar of the Skies and their Paragon, an Elder Hearthsoul may begin to offer their paragon new devotees [12] OOC weeks after connection, to their chosen’s knowledge or not, and welcome souls into the Skies.

 

Why is the choice of Paragon only reflected here? What is a Paragon choice actually entail? If its further down in the write, why is it detached from the section regarding paragons?

 

1 hour ago, framalam said:

ABILITIES

The Seven Skies, as a collective patron, offer a distinctly separate form of empowerment against the selfish aenguldaemonica who act in interest of exclusively their cause, or themselves. The collective consciousness is just that, collective; empowering Souls may counsel and guide their Hearthsoul in a way that might conflict with their peers, even if under the same Paragon.

 

Accountability is raised to an extreme, with failure being judged by several, if not dozens of Souls, in comparison to one entity. Yet, this multifacetedness allows for a broad application of the Souls’ will and testament through their empowerment.

 

I don't think a Magic that does not enforce exhaustion is a good idea. A soul exhausts itself by channeling magic of any form, especially that of a higher realm or being, and this doesn't feel like a good exception. If there are casting limits, they should be clearly listed around this point - if their are not, their should be.

 

1 hour ago, framalam said:

CERULEAN GUIDANCE [T1] | PASSIVE

• A Hearthsoul may usher in a trail of the Soul’s imbued essence behind them, leaving a faint path for other Hearthsouls to follow and learn from. This stream of  ‘deific’ mana will naturally fade across [3] OOC days, becoming gradually less visible.

REDLINES

• Cerulean Guidance is only visible to Hearthsouls with an approved MA.
• Cerulean Guidance should be marked out with signs, with the date they were placed within the text.
• Cerulean Guidance is no longer visible [3] OOC days following a sign’s placement.

 

This doesn't really make sense as a passive ability, or really a ability at all. If anything, this is probably going to be used to legally metagame where a Hearthsoul has gone by the excuse of "Oh I left signs" or "Oh I forgot to leave signs but I did anyway." - This just feels like it lacks any reasonable tie into the magic, and if it must remain should be a active ability with a much shorter duration - likely 2 hours given thats the current maximum capture timer.

 

1 hour ago, framalam said:

EMPYREAN WHISPERS [T1] | PASSIVE

• The fabric of a Hearthsoul is a Descendant marred by the lives and yearns of many, many others. This manifests itself as a near schizophrenic affinity to hear the souls above, with whispers coaxing them to seize their destiny. This effect only loudens the more a Hearthsoul allows the Skies to encroach onto them.

REDLINES

• Hearthsouls should adequately roleplay the effects of these pushing Souls:
  • Denying them would bring great shame to the Hearthsoul
  • Their presence would seemingly deny the Hearthsoul any quiet or lonesomeness
  • The manifestation of the presence of the Skies in a Hearthsoul is up to the discretion of the player. They may be literal whispers, or more so seemingly irrational and extrinsic urges.
• Empyrean Whispers will worsen the higher the tier of the Hearthsoul.
• Empyrean Whispers is not necessarily negative. To the diligent chosen, they are words and whispers of encouragement.

 

Why is it schizophrenic? Being able to hear the skies if they actually can is not a disorder or illness, its just a living soul being unable to comprehend divinity. Equally, this is a good place to put that your Deific magic entirely lacks a physical effect/mental effect/connection section - how does one connect to this magic? How are TA's obtained? What stresses does possessing this magic induce, and why? Also - why are the Souls of the Skies whispering down? Why is it not a sensation of being watched/a reassuring presence in ones mind/so forth as other magics do the indirect effects of being connected to a Deity?

 

1 hour ago, framalam said:

HEARTFIRE [T1] | PASSIVE

• The sheer quantity of Souls in the Skies leave their holy mark wherever they go. The Hearthsouls are not exempt to this. An eternal fire burns in their chest, gleaming rays of light perforating through the chosen’s ribs as their flame flickers, unconcealable.
• Similarly to the whispers of the Souls, their flames grow brighter as more flow into the Hearthsoul.

REDLINES

• Heartfire does not provide any illumination.
• Heartfire does not make the Hearthsoul more easily visible in dark environments.
• Heartfire is not concealable, though is not explicitly noticeable through clothing and armour. Heartfire becomes explicitly noticeable, no matter what covers it, from Tier 3 onward.
• Below Tier 3, clothes or other coverings over Heartfire may only show occasional glimmers or ripples of light. Some tell must be included, though.
• Heartfire becomes explicit, no matter the covering, when the Hearthsoul casts.

 

This does not feel like a passive at all, and instead should be outlined under the connection section a page. Equally, your 3rd, 4th, and 5th redlines are in direct contrast of one another. 

 

1 hour ago, framalam said:

HEARTH’S RESPITE [T1] | PASSIVE/ACTIVE

• The flame in a Hearthsoul burns bright, and burns warm. Through concentration, and sustained physical contact with as many as [2] others, a Hearthsoul may spread or take on an alleviating warmth to combat extreme cold, or, paradoxically, extreme heat.
• A blissful temperate, warmth flows from the Hearthsoul’s very heart aflame, and out to any targets. Similarly, the hearthsoul may bask an area in holy light, up to [2m] away.

REDLINES

• Hearth’s Respite requires [1] emote of focus, and [1] emote to cast, requiring uninterrupted focus and contact with targets, should there be any. Hearth’s Respite may be cast for a maximum of [5] emotes in combat, and indefinitely out of combat.
• The illumination provided by Hearth’s Respite does not penetrate through any magical means of obscuring vision, and purely physical means, such as mists, fogs, or blizzards.
  • Should a spell from a magic refer to a physical means of visual obscuration, Hearth’s Respite may illuminate an area through this obscurity, up to only [1m] away.
• The illumination from Hearth’s Respite causes the Hearthsoul to become illuminated. The aesthetics of this is freeform, it may be literal immolation, or a soft glow. Whatever effect chosen, this extends to any who are warmed by Hearth’s Respite.

 

How exactly is this a passive? Every aspect of this ability seems to require a connection, casting, and constant channeling. Equally, again - what exactly does temperature regulation have to do with the divine souls of the Seven Skies? Also, this feels incredibly potent to have last indefinitely out of combat, something no other magic has to my knowledge (a spell that can function forever with no concerns of thaumburn or cost)

 

1 hour ago, framalam said:

RESOLVE’S FLARE [T2] | PASSIVE

• Lent the incorporeal pure emotion of their patron, a Hearthsoul may similarly render their emotions, or another’s emotions (with consent) into a physical manifestation - a small fire.
• Resolve’s Flare takes the form of a small fire within the palm of the Hearthsoul that may be handed to and interacted with by others. It will shrink or soar depending on the emotions of the target, with this being freeform between the caster and the target.
• Resolve’s Flare is harmless, and provides only a mild warmth, similar, but not equal to Hearth’s Respite.

REDLINES

• Resolve’s Flare requires [1] emote of focus, and [2] emotes of sustained contact (or casting if there is no target) at which point contact can be broken and Resolve’s Flare maintained for [30] narrative minutes.
• The flame from Resolve’s Flare provides no more mechanical illumination than a normal torch.
• The fire of Resolve’s Flare can take any colour, shape, or size, so long as it is containable in the palm of the caster’s hand. It may change colour, shape, or size.
• The flame from Resolve’s Flare does not spread, nor is it destructive.
• Resolve’s Flare requires IC consent to be cast on a target.

 

This feels like a aspect of magic well-covered already by Bardmancy. Again - what does this have to do with the Skies? The most likely use I see for this is attempting to intimidate people into holding it so it can be used as a lie detector on them. Why is this a passive if it requires channeling and casting?

 

1 hour ago, framalam said:

ECHO OF EULOGIES [T2] | PASSIVE

• Omnipresent, all-seeing, the Souls of the Seven Skies are privy to everything below. To a limited capacity, they can share this to their chosen empowered.
• Channelling their patrons and expelling them outward into an area, to a maximum of [5]m in radius, a Hearthsoul can replay events and dialogues that they either were witness to, or much fainter replays of events that they did not witness. These replays take the form of vague, ethereal wisps flowing outward from the caster’s heartsflame.

REDLINES

• Echo of Eulogies CANNOT be used to metagame information. It is meant to be a flavorful, in roleplay, replay feature.
• Sensitive content is not discernible from Echo of Eulogies, with a ‘timelapse’, mumbled, or rushed aspect to any dialogue.
• Similarly, any faces or recognisable features are too blurry to make out.
• Exclusively with OOC consent from every party involved, a Hearthsoul may replay dialogue they were or were not witness to.

 

??? Again - what does this have to do with the Skies? To my knowledge, there is a single thing - a CArt - that allows for the perfect recollection and "replaying" of memories. This just feels like another abilities that encourages minimum effort RP to learn things you weren't privy to, or justifying metagaming. It doesn't really matter if your redlines say "No Metagaming" if the ability functionally allows it as its intended mechanic. And again - why is this a passive if it requires channeling and casting?

 

1 hour ago, framalam said:

HEARTHSONG [T3] | PASSIVE/ACTIVE

• Channelling their heartsflame through themselves and out their throat, the divine harmony of the heavens can be sung out the mouth of any Hearthsoul - their Hearthsong. Non-distinct, Flexio-like chants, heavenly hymns, and vocal harmonies come out of the literal flames of the Hearthsoul’s voice, soothing the mentally afflicted, and urging others on in their own endeavours.

REDLINES

• Hearthsong requires [2] emotes of connection, and [1] emote to cast. Targets must be within #rp range, or [20]m to take effect. Hearthsong can be continued indefinitely outside of combat, but has a maximum duration of [5] emotes during combat.
• Hearthsong can only combat psychological inflictions such as from hexes, or maledictions, through the duration of the spell. Whatever the negative effect, it may be reduced at most one stage, with reference to the pathway below:
  • Paralysis -> flight-inducing fear/madness -> mania -> unease -> normalcy
• Effects undefined in the list above should be similarly affected, for instance, an Illusionist causing a target to imagine insects crawling through them might instead have their target think themselves to be surrounded by puppies.
• Outside of combat, the above table should not be referenced. Permanent mental afflictions may be temporarily alleviated to any degree agreed in roleplay, but not permanently - only so long as the Hearthsoul sings.
• Hearthsong cannot force any target to fight, or continue, only urge them. It does not prevent them from feeling fear, but merely coaxes them against it, similarly to a Tier 1 Templar’s Emboldened ability.
• If a Hearthsoul is interrupted during casting, all effects of Hearthsong instantly stop, and the Hearthsoul must reconnect, and recast.
• Hearthsong may be cast a maximum of [2] times per combat encounter.

 

Again, why is this a passive. I don't see how this ability allows one to influence a Illusion directly as you state in your redlines, as it violates the mechanics of the spell itself - Someone who's being illusioned to see insects crawling over them can't have that changed unless the Illusionist wills it, the targets reaction to that illusion would just be dulled. The intent makes sense, but the execution here is poor - it should be single target, with a limited duration in all applications.

 

2 hours ago, framalam said:

KINDLED EMBERS [T3] | PASSIVE

• Similarly to Hearth’s Respite, by holding or touching a place/item that holds sentimental or otherwise holds value to the Hearthsoul, their heartsflame may combust into faint, translucent images associated with the history, or past events associated with it.
• However, with the heartsflame released, the Hearthsoul holds no control over it. No information can be omitted, nor controlled, as soon as the spell is cast.

REDLINES

• Kindled Embers CANNOT be used to metagame information. It is meant to be a flavorful, in roleplay, storytelling spell.
• Kindled Embers takes [1] emote to connect, and [3] emotes to cast, with an undefined limit for actions miming events.
• Events recreated by Kindled Embers may not be selectively changed to fit a narrative by the Hearthsoul.
• Actions played out by Kindled Embers may take any form, following a general guideline of faint, wispy figures. Limited auditory additions, such as the clash of blades, or jumbled speech, may be included.
• No defining characteristics of any individuals may be gleaned through Kindled Embers, though the Hearthsoul may choose to inform viewers of the events and people involved.

 

This, again, feels like another ability attempting to justify metagaming. The last redlines absolutely kills any attempt you have at saying "No Metagaming!" by allowing the Heartsoul to effectively become a narrator to something that they otherwise would have no ability to display. Again - to my knowledge, there exists one means of perfectly recalling and displaying memories, and its incredibly limited, nevermind it does not allow its users to randomly know things they otherwise couldn't - why is a magic focused around what is effectively metagaming? And again - Why is this a passive?

 

2 hours ago, framalam said:

SOULSHOUT [T4] | PASSIVE/ACTIVE

• As if speaking prophetically through their single mortal mouth, the Souls a Hearthsoul is sworn to may be mustered, and boomed outward, demanding the attention of all who would hear it.
• Rather than merely the voice of the Hearthsoul, their heartsflame spits licks out of them akin to a crowd all chanting in unison.

REDLINES

• Soulshout requires [1] emote of connection, [4] emotes of focus, and [1] emote of casting. These should generally take the form of mustering more Souls within the Hearthsoul.
• Any person within #w( [2]m) range of Soulshout will be stunned for [1] emote. Prepared attacks, such as a raised sword in anticipation of a downward swing, will remain uninterrupted.
• Anybody within #w range may still take a partial movement turn, equivalent to what a movement turn with an action would equate to for them.
• Targets stunned by Soulshout may find themselves forced to turn, covering their ears, or literally blasted back by the shout.
• After [1] emote of connection + [4] emotes of focus, Soulshout may be held off before [1] emote of casting for a maximum of [3] emotes of delay. After these [3] emotes pass, the Souls will rapidly vacate their Hearthsoul as to not overload them.

 

This ability functionally makes no sense within the context of the write, is poorly balanced, and is not a passive by its own mechanics. I would just scrap it and replace it with something else.

 

2 hours ago, framalam said:

HALO [T4] | ACTIVE

• Pulling at their heartsflame, a Hearthsoul may billow out a ring from the Skies and bestow it upon themselves, or onto others. Taking the vague form of a heavenly halo, though this may differ depending on the preference of the caster,  and hovering above or around face level, this crown will sing, cheer, and jeer in a language incomprehensible, yet familiar to its target.
• Whether merely to irritate, or to spur a comrade on, this halo is intangible until the Hearthsoul deems it time to solidify. Eeking out the rest of the heartsflame dedicated to the halo, the Hearthsoul may suddenly, and instantaneously, render it solid at the weight and durability of aurum - whether it be to shield an ally from a blow, or prepare to call upon another blessing.

REDLINES

• Halo requires [1] emote of connection, and [3] emotes of casting. It can last up to [5] emotes circling a target, before it must be solidified on the fifth, or [1] emote be taken to render it solid.
• A solidified halo takes the physical, though not soul bearing, properties of aurum, being its durability and malleability. A halo will stay suspended for [1] emote after solidification, but will then immediately fall.
• Halo requires line of sight. If line of sight with a target is broken at any point during its casting, the halo will instantly solidify.
• If a solidified halo is struck, the halo will instantly crumble and demanifest, and will reduce, though not negate, any blow struck through it.
• No other spells may be cast, but actions and attacks may be taken by the Hearthsoul while Halo is cast - line of sight must, still, be maintained.
• While Halo is cast, a Hearthsoul’s movement speed is halved, rounded down.
• If a Hearthsoul is interrupted during the connection or casting emotes, the spell must be recast.
• Halo may be cast [1] time per combat encounter, on a maximum of [1] target.

 

The last two redlines conflict with one another - how can a spell that may only be cast once per encounter be recasted? I don't see why its specifically Aurum Strength, since no one really RPs or considers metal durability/toughness - the mechanics do seem wonky, only made worse by the fact there is no description of how a Hearthsoul casts or their connection strength anywhere.

 

2 hours ago, framalam said:

PARAGONS OF VIRTUE

The fruit of their labour, the sum of their service, a master Hearthsoul may call upon the paragon they are so wholly devoted to for their utmost support. The lengthiest spells, taking the collective agreement and will of dozens, if not hundreds of Souls in the Skies, these paragonal virtues represent the epitome of heartsflame, and the Skies’, capabilities to the mortal planes.

 

However, while they are the peak of all heartsflame, so too do they cruelly illustrate the double-edged collectivity of the Skies. Whether their blessings are even granted, is merely to the whim of the souls that make up their paragons, whose will, beyond whispers, and urges, remains largely vague: ambition, wisdom - but what defines it?

 

A Hearthsoul may cast a maximum of [1] T5 spell, corresponding to their chosen paragon marked on their MA at T3. Spells outside their chosen paragon cannot be taught, if said paragon is not marked on their MA.

 

PARAGON ROLL

A Paragon Roll is a roll to determine whether or not a Hearthsoul’s devoted Paragon, and the Souls within, would favour the dedication and further empowerment necessary to conduct their spell. To simulate this mechanically, a d20 should be rolled, with any value below or equal to 5 considered a failure, and any value above or equal to 6 considered a successful roll and casting.

 

These should only be rolled following full connection and casting emotes, and their consequences roleplayed adequately (i.e a Gravitas Hearthsoul being overloaded with mana, akin to thaumburn). Visual and in roleplay consequences should follow, but are generally to the discretion of the player. They may include: intense shame, burns inflicted by the rejection, depression, reinvigoration to act upon the will of Empyrean Whispers, etc.

 

Thaumburn is when the soul expends more mana then it can handle, and is consumed by whatever energy source it attempted to overutilize. This is typically a PK, because it's powergaming and done by one's own volition and therefore suicide. I don't think thats a good consequence at all.

 

Equally, this is it about paragons? You get 1 T5 spell, no talking about repicking a Paragon, the Paragon has no other influence over the Hearthsoul? This is just lackluster and underwhelming. Equally - these T5 spells have differencing requirements, different overarching redlines (one has a PK clause, one requires a TA, etc) and feel either underwhelming, lore-breaking, or just silly. Why on earth is the success of a T5 spell with attached PK clauses/week long cooldowns dependent on a roll?

 

2 hours ago, framalam said:

CONFLAGRATION [T5]

The deliverance of Souls takes many forms. Even evil men, bandits, may find their rise to the Skies, no matter how surprising it may be. It is no shock, then, that the Skies may take their own avatars and make them weapons. 

Channelling the collective majority of their Paragon within a single avatar, the Hearthsoul may, as quickly as they are drawn in, expel the force of the Skies in an explosion unto any unfortunate enough to stand anywhere near them.

 

REDLINES

• Conflagration requires [3] emotes of focus, and [6] emotes of casting. These are freeform, but should generally follow the aesthetic of the Hearthsoul being overtaken, almost invaded by the Skies.
• If the Hearthsoul is interrupted at any point during their casting, they may not attempt to cast Conflagration again for the next [24] OOC hours.
• Cinders Asunder renders the Hearthsoul instantly unconscious, regardless of whether their Paragon roll succeeds or not.
• Anyone standing within #w ([2]m) range of the Hearthsoul upon a successful Paragon roll would be blasted backwards to a maximum of [4]m away, and succumb to 2nd degree burns on any exposed flesh.
• Conflagration is not a physical explosion, and so may not be paired with, for instance, morion, to conduct a shrapnel attack.
• A blast from Conflagration would hold equivalent concussive force to a direct-hit blasting potion. It is an explosion.
• Conflagration inflicts 2nd degree burns all over the Hearthsoul, regardless of their protective wear.
• Projectiles launched toward a Hearthsoul on the same round as Conflagration’s final casting emote would be repulsed back by the blast, though to no combative advantage (i.e no return blows).
• Conflagration, if successful, may not be cast again for [5] OOC days.

 

What is 3 emotes of focus and 6 of casting? What do these actually entail? Does this mean you don't have to manifest a tell for 3 of the 9 emotes? 

 

What defines a interruption to this spellcast? Or as a matter of fact, any spellcast a Hearthstone attempts?

 

Why such a long cooldown? Why such severe consequences? This spell does practically nothing, takes a entire CRP encounter to charge, and can fail anyway?

 

2 hours ago, framalam said:

CINDERS ASUNDER [T5] 

The ultimate goal of the Souls is, beyond their own emotional urges, to ferry more souls unto them. Souls tainted by the Void, by demons of the High Hells, unholy blood, or Druidic curses may be ritually cleansed by heartsflame.

Through the transference of heartsflame from a Hearthsoul to an afflicted victim, whatever curse is held within them may be forced into tangibility. Heartsflame will shoot out from the victim, who is rendered unconscious, and take the form of whichever curse they held.

REDLINES

• Cinders Asunder requires [2] emote of focus, and [6] emotes of casting. These are freeform, and should try to involve the patient as much as possible.
• Cinders Asunder may not be performed during combat.
• Cinders Asunder is, in essence, an exorcism through combat. The Hearthsoul may confront the curse made tangible only with ST (ET) oversight.
• Cinders Asunder would summon, for instance, for a man cursed with lycanthropy, his lycan form, for a Cursed Child, the same tier of demon that cursed them.
• All combat associated with Cinders Asunder is a mandatory Hard PK.
• Should a victim attempt to undergo an exorcism via Cinders Asunder, and fail, they may never attempt it again - the Skies have turned their back on them, they are irredeemable.
• Cinders Asunder may include a maximum of [3] Hearthsouls, and in some cases the victim, who, granted ET permission, may roleplay their curse accordingly (i.e, again, a lycan player).
• Curses inherited genetically will always take the tangible form of the being that initially cursed the first progenitor. Should this be, as it is in some cases, an aenguldaemon, then the heartsflame will instantly combust in a concussive blast upon attempting to branch onto the patient, being regarded as a failed exorcism.
• Victory in combat over a tangible curse in exorcism must be followed by a Paragon roll. The roll cannot be done beforehand. Failure results in the demanifestation of the tangible curse, and is considered a failed exorcism.
• Cinders Asunder, regardless of result, has a cooldown of [5] OOC days.

 

A normal Void Connection, as well as Eminant/Artificer/Veil Watching/Atronach Forging does not introduce taint to the souls - Voidstalkers and Arcane Scions have soul taint, Scions after T3 in the feat and Voidstalkers upon gaining the feat. This entire spell-blurb reads like you did 0 background reading on what you intend for it to fix.

 

I assume you mean the Tier of the Naztherak, not demon, who cursed someone at the time of their cursing - again, however as someone else pointed out: why is 1 T5 Heartsoul able to expunge what cannot be expunge by any number of other magical users? 

 

Why is this a Hard-PK Event in any shape or form? There is no deific interaction, no Deity interaction or travel to other realms - it's just a requirement for the sake of cool factor, and even then it sucks here because this spell can just fail.

 

Why would the skies reject someone when, as it reads, the Hearthsoul is responsible for the failure to exorcise the curse? It doesn't make any sense

 

Overall this spell should just be axed in it's entirely, given how much it disregards every form of curse lore their is. 

 

2 hours ago, framalam said:

GIFTING [T5]

Alas, as servants of the Souls of the Skies, it is the solemn duty of the Hearthsoul to extend the humble invitation to join the Paragons in the Skies. For Elves, for Uruks, for Dwarves, it is the offer of eternal exaltation, merely in return for service to a wholly righteous cause.

And so, by wisping out their heartsflame from within them, and branching it onto the soul-bearing substance of one with a Greater Soul, so too may they avoid the grim fate of the Ebriataes, and join their empowerers in eternity.

REDLINES

• Gifting requires a valid TA in Heartsflame, and is a Tier 5 spell.
• Gifting requires OOC, though does not require IC consent.
• Gifting requires a valid TA in Heartsflame, and is a Tier 5 spell.
• Gifting is irreversible without forceful disconnection by other Hearthsouls.
• Gifting cannot be cast during combat.
• Gifting takes [7] consecutive, uninterrupted emotes, during which tells must be present and explicit in roleplay.
• Gifting may only be used on beings with a Greater Soul, and that are not otherwise deifically bound to another afterlife.
• A Hearthsoul may perform Gifting three times every [1] OOC month.
• Gifting may not be cast on near-death individuals, as the additional presence of deific mana would overload them.
• Gifting may only be performed on [1] target at a time. You cannot perform Gifting on three people simultaneously.
• Gifting leaves the Hearthsoul with a TA drained of their spellcasting ability for [2] OOC days, their heartsflame literally lent to another.
• Gifting for OOC gain or nepotism is strictly forbidden (shocker).
• Gifting should only be performed under meaningful, genuine,  in-roleplay intent as to why the target would serve the Skies well.
• Gifting does NOT require a Paragon Roll.

 

??? This spell makes no sense in its core execution - if you have to redline against something so specific such as nepotism (Which is silly, considering you can give your own character's child items so long as its done through a intermediary persona of another player and how much things are just OOCly nepotistic around LoTC) it doesn't even clarify how this works. Can a demon get this and go to the skies? Can someone lose this gifting? Does it just kill them to get? Does it put any terms on them?

 

Again, this is another spell that should just be axed in it's entirety. 

 

2 hours ago, framalam said:

RITE OF PURGING

Should the very Hearthsouls capable of granting the gift of the Skies unto others find one no longer worthy of it, whether they exploit it for slothful and greedy gain, or merely act against the perceived will of the Skies, they may undergo the ritual of Purging, in which a Hearthsoul’s tether to the Skies is severed permanently.

 

PURGING [T4] | ACTIVE

• To those sworn by Sibylline, who learned the passing of their gift to others, so too may they strip it from those they deem unworthy of their patron’s gift. Requiring a minimum of [2] Tier 4 Hearthsouls, the pair of Sibylline-sworn Hearthsouls may coalesce their heartsflame together to latch onto their targets.
• Requiring sustained contact, and thus usually necessitating either the restraint or unconsciousness of their victim, the heartsflame of the purgers will latch onto that of the purged, tearing it from their very soul and permanently banishing them from ever receiving the Skies blessings again, and thus the Skies, should the target not be human.

REDLINES

• Purging requires [3] emotes of connection from both casters, and [2] emotes of casting. Both casters must be Tier 4 Hearthsouls or above, and have Sibylline marked as their chosen Paragon on their MA.
• Only egregious acts perceived to be against the collective will of the Paragons should be considered grounds for disconnection. There must be sufficient roleplay reasoning behind disconnecting a Hearthsoul.
• The target of Purging must be made aware of the casters’ intent while connecting and casting. Purging cannot be presented as another spell, nor can the target be coaxed OOCly into meeting, just to be disconnected. The intent must be clear.
• Purging requires [2] emotes of sustained contact during the casting. If these [2] emotes are interrupted, the first [3] emotes of connection (combining the heartsflames) must be re-roleplayed.
• Emotes of connection and casting must be unique between casters, and cannot be mirrored or repeated.
• Once purged, a character can never hold a Heartsflame MA again, they are permanently rejected by the Seven Skies as a vessel.
• There is a cooldown of [1] OOC month for any caster involved in a Purging before they can disconnect another Hearthsoul.

 

Despite how you do it, Chaos DCs will always have a OOC component. You can't really hide that behind text of "Must have proper RP justification" because that's so vague in and of itself, it may as well not be there. You don't define what a "egregious act" against the Skies is, you word it like someone has to make clear every step of the way your going to get DC'd if you want to DC someone, and somehow Purging is the fastest-casted spell in the entire magic? 

 

Additionally, Deific magics (to my knowledge) work on a strike system - if you get DC'd from any deity magic twice, you can never reconnect again to any deity as the soul becomes scarred. Why is this magic skipping that rule? 

 

2 hours ago, framalam said:

WEAKNESSES

 

THANHIUM	Thanhium’s inherent coolness damages Hearthsouls normally, however the antimagic properties render them fully vulnerable to thanhic poisoning, and thus unable to cast spells for the duration of a combat encounter as the pools of deific mana combat thanhic anti-magic properties.
NULL-ARCANA	Similar to the above, null-arcana has the same effects on Hearthsouls as it does on other spellcasters, suspending any spellcasting for [2] emotes.
MALFLAME	Malflame, along with how it affects standard Descendants, prevents Hearthsouls from casting [3] emotes after any malflame on their soul bearing substance is extinguished.

 

This is honestly a joke for a weakness section - you're saying currently existing antimagic lore applies to you (which it automatically does, unless specified otherwise), and Malflame takes away major actions for 3 turns instead of 1. Despite being incompatible with Dark MAs/CAs and Void Magic, it has no interaction with these things whatsoever?

 

 

Overall, this feels like it was half-done and barely researched at best, and at worst someones attempt at going against existing lore to fit their specific Niche of RP in the form of a Magic Submission - that, and it just feels like a worse Canon Adherence. So much work would need to go into this I'd say its not worth it in its current vision.

[Laeonathan 5889]

i like the concept of it fram

[framalam 837]

5 hours ago, King_Kunuk said:

I feel like this could be usable with blood magic, since blood magic does not taint the soul. Merely it wears down the physical body.

 

But beyond that, I think this is really well done. +1

It should be by my logic but it’s never getting passed so I’m leaving as is

[framalam 837]

4 hours ago, PrimnyaQuorum said:

This just feels like a poor knock-off Canon Adherence that tries to be special in its incompatibles, with a disregard for existing precedent. That said, here's the specifics of my thoughts:

 

 

Typically, Deific magics are wholly incompatible with one another with the exception of Seer that is compatible with everything. Why is is compatible with Heraldry? In addition: Klones are functionally identical to the descendant they were in regards to the Soul, why would they also be incompatible? If you mean transformative CAs, you should denote it specifically.

 

 

What's the point of this? There's no redlines about what these actually mean, what they do, or even how many one could have. I don't think a magical submission is a place to write World Lore about the Seven Skies.

 

 

Why is the choice of Paragon only reflected here? What is a Paragon choice actually entail? If its further down in the write, why is it detached from the section regarding paragons?

 

 

I don't think a Magic that does not enforce exhaustion is a good idea. A soul exhausts itself by channeling magic of any form, especially that of a higher realm or being, and this doesn't feel like a good exception. If there are casting limits, they should be clearly listed around this point - if their are not, their should be.

 

 

This doesn't really make sense as a passive ability, or really a ability at all. If anything, this is probably going to be used to legally metagame where a Hearthsoul has gone by the excuse of "Oh I left signs" or "Oh I forgot to leave signs but I did anyway." - This just feels like it lacks any reasonable tie into the magic, and if it must remain should be a active ability with a much shorter duration - likely 2 hours given thats the current maximum capture timer.

 

 

Why is it schizophrenic? Being able to hear the skies if they actually can is not a disorder or illness, its just a living soul being unable to comprehend divinity. Equally, this is a good place to put that your Deific magic entirely lacks a physical effect/mental effect/connection section - how does one connect to this magic? How are TA's obtained? What stresses does possessing this magic induce, and why? Also - why are the Souls of the Skies whispering down? Why is it not a sensation of being watched/a reassuring presence in ones mind/so forth as other magics do the indirect effects of being connected to a Deity?

 

 

This does not feel like a passive at all, and instead should be outlined under the connection section a page. Equally, your 3rd, 4th, and 5th redlines are in direct contrast of one another. 

 

 

How exactly is this a passive? Every aspect of this ability seems to require a connection, casting, and constant channeling. Equally, again - what exactly does temperature regulation have to do with the divine souls of the Seven Skies? Also, this feels incredibly potent to have last indefinitely out of combat, something no other magic has to my knowledge (a spell that can function forever with no concerns of thaumburn or cost)

 

 

This feels like a aspect of magic well-covered already by Bardmancy. Again - what does this have to do with the Skies? The most likely use I see for this is attempting to intimidate people into holding it so it can be used as a lie detector on them. Why is this a passive if it requires channeling and casting?

 

 

??? Again - what does this have to do with the Skies? To my knowledge, there is a single thing - a CArt - that allows for the perfect recollection and "replaying" of memories. This just feels like another abilities that encourages minimum effort RP to learn things you weren't privy to, or justifying metagaming. It doesn't really matter if your redlines say "No Metagaming" if the ability functionally allows it as its intended mechanic. And again - why is this a passive if it requires channeling and casting?

 

 

Again, why is this a passive. I don't see how this ability allows one to influence a Illusion directly as you state in your redlines, as it violates the mechanics of the spell itself - Someone who's being illusioned to see insects crawling over them can't have that changed unless the Illusionist wills it, the targets reaction to that illusion would just be dulled. The intent makes sense, but the execution here is poor - it should be single target, with a limited duration in all applications.

 

 

This, again, feels like another ability attempting to justify metagaming. The last redlines absolutely kills any attempt you have at saying "No Metagaming!" by allowing the Heartsoul to effectively become a narrator to something that they otherwise would have no ability to display. Again - to my knowledge, there exists one means of perfectly recalling and displaying memories, and its incredibly limited, nevermind it does not allow its users to randomly know things they otherwise couldn't - why is a magic focused around what is effectively metagaming? And again - Why is this a passive?

 

 

This ability functionally makes no sense within the context of the write, is poorly balanced, and is not a passive by its own mechanics. I would just scrap it and replace it with something else.

 

 

The last two redlines conflict with one another - how can a spell that may only be cast once per encounter be recasted? I don't see why its specifically Aurum Strength, since no one really RPs or considers metal durability/toughness - the mechanics do seem wonky, only made worse by the fact there is no description of how a Hearthsoul casts or their connection strength anywhere.

 

 

Thaumburn is when the soul expends more mana then it can handle, and is consumed by whatever energy source it attempted to overutilize. This is typically a PK, because it's powergaming and done by one's own volition and therefore suicide. I don't think thats a good consequence at all.

 

Equally, this is it about paragons? You get 1 T5 spell, no talking about repicking a Paragon, the Paragon has no other influence over the Hearthsoul? This is just lackluster and underwhelming. Equally - these T5 spells have differencing requirements, different overarching redlines (one has a PK clause, one requires a TA, etc) and feel either underwhelming, lore-breaking, or just silly. Why on earth is the success of a T5 spell with attached PK clauses/week long cooldowns dependent on a roll?

 

 

What is 3 emotes of focus and 6 of casting? What do these actually entail? Does this mean you don't have to manifest a tell for 3 of the 9 emotes? 

 

What defines a interruption to this spellcast? Or as a matter of fact, any spellcast a Hearthstone attempts?

 

Why such a long cooldown? Why such severe consequences? This spell does practically nothing, takes a entire CRP encounter to charge, and can fail anyway?

 

 

A normal Void Connection, as well as Eminant/Artificer/Veil Watching/Atronach Forging does not introduce taint to the souls - Voidstalkers and Arcane Scions have soul taint, Scions after T3 in the feat and Voidstalkers upon gaining the feat. This entire spell-blurb reads like you did 0 background reading on what you intend for it to fix.

 

I assume you mean the Tier of the Naztherak, not demon, who cursed someone at the time of their cursing - again, however as someone else pointed out: why is 1 T5 Heartsoul able to expunge what cannot be expunge by any number of other magical users? 

 

Why is this a Hard-PK Event in any shape or form? There is no deific interaction, no Deity interaction or travel to other realms - it's just a requirement for the sake of cool factor, and even then it sucks here because this spell can just fail.

 

Why would the skies reject someone when, as it reads, the Hearthsoul is responsible for the failure to exorcise the curse? It doesn't make any sense

 

Overall this spell should just be axed in it's entirely, given how much it disregards every form of curse lore their is. 

 

 

??? This spell makes no sense in its core execution - if you have to redline against something so specific such as nepotism (Which is silly, considering you can give your own character's child items so long as its done through a intermediary persona of another player and how much things are just OOCly nepotistic around LoTC) it doesn't even clarify how this works. Can a demon get this and go to the skies? Can someone lose this gifting? Does it just kill them to get? Does it put any terms on them?

 

Again, this is another spell that should just be axed in it's entirety. 

 

 

Despite how you do it, Chaos DCs will always have a OOC component. You can't really hide that behind text of "Must have proper RP justification" because that's so vague in and of itself, it may as well not be there. You don't define what a "egregious act" against the Skies is, you word it like someone has to make clear every step of the way your going to get DC'd if you want to DC someone, and somehow Purging is the fastest-casted spell in the entire magic? 

 

Additionally, Deific magics (to my knowledge) work on a strike system - if you get DC'd from any deity magic twice, you can never reconnect again to any deity as the soul becomes scarred. Why is this magic skipping that rule? 

 

 

This is honestly a joke for a weakness section - you're saying currently existing antimagic lore applies to you (which it automatically does, unless specified otherwise), and Malflame takes away major actions for 3 turns instead of 1. Despite being incompatible with Dark MAs/CAs and Void Magic, it has no interaction with these things whatsoever?

 

 

Overall, this feels like it was half-done and barely researched at best, and at worst someones attempt at going against existing lore to fit their specific Niche of RP in the form of a Magic Submission - that, and it just feels like a worse Canon Adherence. So much work would need to go into this I'd say its not worth it in its current vision.

hi i wrote this is in 3 hours and will not edit this in the slightest but i respect your dedication to critique it:

 

1. only incompatible with magics that change the soul’s destination. BM should be on this list, but u are right, i did not research AT ALL, so.

 

2. yes it is fleshed out on later on with the only mechanical difference being which T5 spell they can use. i HATE ARCHETYPE MAGIC so, instead of making 3 different magics, this is my solution. this, with most kf the magic, is just meant to be an additive to flavor, and to broaden its potential users from just “haha priest”. 

 

3. I forgot to write exhaustion because my references were a pre lore gmaes magic and the seven skies lore page and i am also slow

 

4. this is a wider issue w the write as a whole where my intent for a spell is brutally different to how i describe it. this was meant to be cool “follow the will’o wisps!” ability, in line with the lesser interactions the souls might have w mortals regardless

 

5. this is lowkey non chronological but the point of the lore recaps is to give enough to the reader had they not already read the ss lore page. a lot of people (human rpers) KNOW abt the skies w/o reading thr page itself.

 

6. because you have 60 bajillion souls whisperijg into your ear about what each of them want you to do i thought that would make most people go schizo imo idk

 

7. so it does indeed lack this section. not really much more to say. the stresses are the passives, i thini the whaipers thing should have been separate from the abilities section, BUT, emboldened is in templar abilities so idfk. souls whispering down cause it’s cool as **** - its a collective patron rather than an infividual, each soul wants to lead their mortal puppet man to acheive THEIR desires and emotions.

 

8. yes i forgot to write exhaustion

 

9. spell requires ooc consent to use, and i dunno how lying would suddenly change your emotions more than yapping about something you like would

 

10.  everything has to do with rhe skies its human shaman realm and replay spells are cool as fuxk. the reason it’s passive is because i’m stupid and read the templar page a few too many times and conflated non combative/combative with passive/active. i thought i specifically wrote against the perfect recollection of anything, and there should be no distinct features other than “yes there was a fight here.. dance my shadows and let me tell stort and chang and whatnot”

 

11. people not roleplaying metal durability is a them issue i’m not gonna not reference it when its a very well illustrated part of almost all material lore. my bad for the no casting strength im just a lil bit stupid.  it can be recast even though it can be cast once per combat encounter because i have bad memory

 

12. im p sure i said ‘like’ thaumbuen, which i stand by, because ur overdrawing from the patron and thus on the precipice of just blowing up. 

 

13. because they are big spooky powerful spell and i dont want people spamming exorcisms. that would be lame. suicide bomb spell should have a cooldown because similarly i dont want people running into combat and blowing themselves up for maximum effect

 

14. the pk is there to introduce stakes because i know damn well otherwise people are going to flock to these guys to get curses cleared. a cursed child literally cursed by ixris, if you even TRY to lift their curse, is basically a death sentence, so, the PK is there because 1. pk clauses are cool as **** and 2. consequences

 

15. i thought i said scion. i knew that lore. I Guess Not. t5 hearthsoul can do that where no other deific magic can befause no other deific magic empowers their patient to push out curses. collective patron win. they get rejected cause hearthsoul is vessel of skies, so skies fsil to exorcise, so skies say no, u are too dangerous to be made an exception for and to come in

 

16. this spell does NOT do nothing, a blasting pot is capable of gravely injuring on direct hits.

 

17. never hurts to write against nepotism. combat it at every turn…

 

18. demon cannot get it because demon is sworn to the high hells on pk. exorcised demon turned NORMAL could get it.

 

19.  to my knowledge this varies from deific to deific and is not a generally, stacking followed rule of thumb.

 

20. by the end of writing this i got lazy so, malflame for 3 is all there is. with hindsight i’m not really sure i’d add anything else, it’s a mostly noncombative magic and they dont need to be any weaker than *stabs* *dies*. also widens the scope of who can use, or would want to use

 

21. yes you are correct it is both half done and hardly researched. i merely wanted to plague the lore team and their backlog.

gonna be honest more of a formatting splurge and hail mary for a collective patron magic than anything

[PrimnyaQuorum 4000]

3 minutes ago, framalam said:

hi i wrote this is in 3 hours and will not edit this in the slightest but i respect your dedication to critique it:

 

1. only incompatible with magics that change the soul’s destination. BM should be on this list, but u are right, i did not research AT ALL, so.

 

2. yes it is fleshed out on later on with the only mechanical difference being which T5 spell they can use. i HATE ARCHETYPE MAGIC so, instead of making 3 different magics, this is my solution. this, with most kf the magic, is just meant to be an additive to flavor, and to broaden its potential users from just “haha priest”. 

 

3. I forgot to write exhaustion because my references were a pre lore gmaes magic and the seven skies lore page and i am also slow

 

4. this is a wider issue w the write as a whole where my intent for a spell is brutally different to how i describe it. this was meant to be cool “follow the will’o wisps!” ability, in line with the lesser interactions the souls might have w mortals regardless

 

5. this is lowkey non chronological but the point of the lore recaps is to give enough to the reader had they not already read the ss lore page. a lot of people (human rpers) KNOW abt the skies w/o reading thr page itself.

 

6. because you have 60 bajillion souls whisperijg into your ear about what each of them want you to do i thought that would make most people go schizo imo idk

 

7. so it does indeed lack this section. not really much more to say. the stresses are the passives, i thini the whaipers thing should have been separate from the abilities section, BUT, emboldened is in templar abilities so idfk. souls whispering down cause it’s cool as **** - its a collective patron rather than an infividual, each soul wants to lead their mortal puppet man to acheive THEIR desires and emotions.

 

8. yes i forgot to write exhaustion

 

9. spell requires ooc consent to use, and i dunno how lying would suddenly change your emotions more than yapping about something you like would

 

10.  everything has to do with rhe skies its human shaman realm and replay spells are cool as fuxk. the reason it’s passive is because i’m stupid and read the templar page a few too many times and conflated non combative/combative with passive/active. i thought i specifically wrote against the perfect recollection of anything, and there should be no distinct features other than “yes there was a fight here.. dance my shadows and let me tell stort and chang and whatnot”

 

11. people not roleplaying metal durability is a them issue i’m not gonna not reference it when its a very well illustrated part of almost all material lore. my bad for the no casting strength im just a lil bit stupid.  it can be recast even though it can be cast once per combat encounter because i have bad memory

 

12. im p sure i said ‘like’ thaumbuen, which i stand by, because ur overdrawing from the patron and thus on the precipice of just blowing up. 

 

13. because they are big spooky powerful spell and i dont want people spamming exorcisms. that would be lame. suicide bomb spell should have a cooldown because similarly i dont want people running into combat and blowing themselves up for maximum effect

 

14. the pk is there to introduce stakes because i know damn well otherwise people are going to flock to these guys to get curses cleared. a cursed child literally cursed by ixris, if you even TRY to lift their curse, is basically a death sentence, so, the PK is there because 1. pk clauses are cool as **** and 2. consequences

 

15. i thought i said scion. i knew that lore. I Guess Not. t5 hearthsoul can do that where no other deific magic can befause no other deific magic empowers their patient to push out curses. collective patron win. they get rejected cause hearthsoul is vessel of skies, so skies fsil to exorcise, so skies say no, u are too dangerous to be made an exception for and to come in

 

16. this spell does NOT do nothing, a blasting pot is capable of gravely injuring on direct hits.

 

17. never hurts to write against nepotism. combat it at every turn…

 

18. demon cannot get it because demon is sworn to the high hells on pk. exorcised demon turned NORMAL could get it.

 

19.  to my knowledge this varies from deific to deific and is not a generally, stacking followed rule of thumb.

 

20. by the end of writing this i got lazy so, malflame for 3 is all there is. with hindsight i’m not really sure i’d add anything else, it’s a mostly noncombative magic and they dont need to be any weaker than *stabs* *dies*. also widens the scope of who can use, or would want to use

 

21. yes you are correct it is both half done and hardly researched. i merely wanted to plague the lore team and their backlog.

gonna be honest more of a formatting splurge and hail mary for a collective patron magic than anything

 

respectable tbh but this won't get reviewed until someone decides to shoot it or when it enters the mag in 10,000 months. The formatting is alright - Center-Align on magic doesn't quite mesh, and bulletpoints for spells feels a bit strange but its a vibe.

 

The main critique I guess is skies lore is old and this implies that the Seven Skies has more power then a Deity - I don't think it's fair to say any one particular deity/realm is more powerful then another just bc they have more patrons, but i dont like realm deeplore so i just critique it from the perspective of how similar things work. Its funny to see ppl vague post about it though. I do this for fun they can mald all they want lol. 

[woke 1157]

can i get grandfather?

[Laeonathan 5889]

1 hour ago, woke said:

can i get grandfather?

the question that really matters.

[framalam 837]

4 hours ago, woke said:

can i get grandfather?

only wowj

4 hours ago, PrimnyaQuorum said:

 

respectable tbh but this won't get reviewed until someone decides to shoot it or when it enters the mag in 10,000 months. The formatting is alright - Center-Align on magic doesn't quite mesh, and bulletpoints for spells feels a bit strange but its a vibe.

 

The main critique I guess is skies lore is old and this implies that the Seven Skies has more power then a Deity - I don't think it's fair to say any one particular deity/realm is more powerful then another just bc they have more patrons, but i dont like realm deeplore so i just critique it from the perspective of how similar things work. Its funny to see ppl vague post about it though. I do this for fun they can mald all they want lol. 

i mean the skies is meant to be infinite anima. youre not tapping into the whole thing nor can your body even handle the whole thing, that was the idea behind the t5s. i think exorcism spells are needed but i dont like healing magic that goes “alakazam! you are healed!” so i thought it was a cool way to do it

[Metamancy 1768]

didn't even read. please add this.

[PrinceJose270 1211]

7 hours ago, framalam said:

14. the pk is there to introduce stakes because i know damn well otherwise people are going to flock to these guys to get curses cleared. a cursed child literally cursed by ixris, if you even TRY to lift their curse, is basically a death sentence, so, the PK is there because 1. pk clauses are cool as **** and 2. consequences

I guess me literally pulling out what happens when a magic that lifts curses was completely ignored.

 

It isnt "basically a death sentence" the most you would do is remove the curse for a ooc week at best. Before it returns back naturally.

 

Idk if its just a human thing ive seen since ive only seen human players most of the time fine with 1 life rules. But pks are not cool when they are behind something that is generally unnneeded and overall useless.

 

And looking at it further not even seeing any ooc concent being required for the targeted cursed one. This will lead up to every other ability that tries to get away with killing players permanentlym and its those that will abuse it. And taking a page from dingo, lotc players cant be trusted with this in good faith at all.

 

Overall good write when it comes to potental but its disappointing to see the absolute lack of research in going into this write in its entirety. Prima already called out all that there is. But overall it does look like a knock off of what julius and co made earlier. 

 

Hopeful to see a funny sun battery magic anyways. But yea. This is odd. Btw mobile format fun

[_AzureLexi 766]

Way more digestible than Canon Adherence, and I actually like how many of the spells are mostly IRP flavor.

I don't fully understand why it's a 3-slot magic though, and I agree that the PK clause on the Rite of Purging is a bit excessive. You already have to fight a powerful enemy which if you fail the individual can never be attempted to be purged again, and if you succeed there's still a 25% you just flat-out fail and they can never be even be attempted to be purged again.

 

That said, +1

[Benleft 2580]

You should add a spoilered version at the bottom without all the image formatting. Can’t view this on mobile. 

[framalam 837]

6 hours ago, PrinceJose270 said:

I guess me literally pulling out what happens when a magic that lifts curses was completely ignored.

 

It isnt "basically a death sentence" the most you would do is remove the curse for a ooc week at best. Before it returns back naturally.

 

Idk if its just a human thing ive seen since ive only seen human players most of the time fine with 1 life rules. But pks are not cool when they are behind something that is generally unnneeded and overall useless.

 

And looking at it further not even seeing any ooc concent being required for the targeted cursed one. This will lead up to every other ability that tries to get away with killing players permanentlym and its those that will abuse it. And taking a page from dingo, lotc players cant be trusted with this in good faith at all.

 

Overall good write when it comes to potental but its disappointing to see the absolute lack of research in going into this write in its entirety. Prima already called out all that there is. But overall it does look like a knock off of what julius and co made earlier. 

 

Hopeful to see a funny sun battery magic anyways. But yea. This is odd. Btw mobile format fun

ooc consent is a good point. again, i'm not going to rewrite this and will LIKELY self reject. PKs should not be only a human thing, PKs should, in my honest opinion, be the default outside of RDM. it is less seen in other communities, i would wager, because the characters either have the potential to, or have gone on for months and months if not years and thus players grow oocly attached to those characters.

priority should always be the narrative and in a magic that is meant to be flavorful and conducive to self driven/independent roleplay, this was what i was trying to go for - i think PKs are if not necessary, better to include than not in this regard. lifting a curse SHOULD be a risk.

[PrinceJose270 1211]

 

2 hours ago, framalam said:

ooc consent is a good point. again, i'm not going to rewrite this and will LIKELY self reject. PKs should not be only a human thing, PKs should, in my honest opinion, be the default outside of RDM. it is less seen in other communities, i would wager, because the characters either have the potential to, or have gone on for months and months if not years and thus players grow oocly attached to those characters.

priority should always be the narrative and in a magic that is meant to be flavorful and conducive to self driven/independent roleplay, this was what i was trying to go for - i think PKs are if not necessary, better to include than not in this regard. lifting a curse SHOULD be a risk.

Whilst i wont go on and on about the philisophical about it. I dont mean humans are the only ones that should pk at all. Its just a common trope ive seen players do since my start since atlas.

 

Though i would say pking on first death as a default would likely never happen. They tried to do that with NLs and it completely screwed everthing. Causing staff to revert the pk. Likewise lotc at the end of the day is ment to be a medium for roleplay and enjoying at ones pace. Asking people to pk on default. Whilst it is to their own opinion seems out of touch. If lotc was more grimdark dark souls esq. I could see such. But if the servers ment to be a way to enjoy your time. Dont think pking beings any fun at all. Likewise this wpuld make things like klones. Treelords ect useless.

 

End note, if people wanna play their characters for a long time there is no shame in desiring to see your characters story play out. Should find ways to force it less they themselves wanna take that risk.

 

In the end its all just an opinion.

[fetty bridgers 4492]

This is a very creative magic submission I like your ideas! One problem I see is having a 1 on 1 ST interaction needed for one of the paragon spells, could be bad if this were to happen quite often, could lead to bias accusations etc. etc.

I think if this is fleshed out more it would be a really cool piece.