I think you’re leaning on the same crutch that many CRP-oriented forum warriors tend to. “Let’s think about the narrative,” is an excuse, plain and simple. Conflict is often, and will remain to be regardless of rule-set, premeditated. Most CRP is a result of one group either finding another, or something of that ilk. But that’s the nature of the server, and that’s fine. The only issue that exists here is a mindset one. W-chasing exists in every niche and community. Redirect your passion towards wiping that tendency out first in yourself, then in those close to you.
Cringe Hot Take (Pre-Ownage):
But players ought to stop pretending they are creating a “collaborative story”. When you are roleplaying, you can only control your own character. To that extent the only narrative you can truly own is your own. Wondering, “Is this engaging for the other person,” is an admirable thought, but it is not roleplaying. You are an actor, not a director. Act how your character would act, plain and simple. For most (myself included), this is a difficult task, and is where you should start. When you are not roleplaying and break character, use it as a moment of learning and introspection. Why did you break character? How did you break character? How can you learn to better appreciate the conditions in which you broke character?
Meta-concerns (“Is PVP suitable here?”) are only worth tackling once you’re able to see where you, and others stumble in conflict. Rulesets do not matter when you taste the beauty of selflessly selfish roleplay. This is the re-education you asked for. Take my words with a grain of salt, most of them are not literal.
Not Cringe Opinion (Post-Ownage):
It is easy to say "Are-pee is not collaborative. Do better yourself. That is all that matters." But that's cringe. It is all about having fun and always should be. Be considerate and be kind. Do the best you can but not at the expense of others. It doesn't need to be more complicated than that. If we are all kind and do the best we can, mechanical rules can become secondary and enjoyment can come first (with a grain of salt). Rule changes will always happen, but start with yourself.