esotericas 5 years AMA WOWWW

[esotericas 2674]

19 minutes ago, Toffee said:

Deguise/the NGS is one of the few communities on the server with a genuine interest in honouring the history and building on what/who has come before. This is pretty rare to see on a server where the main goal appears to be ripping everything down, erasing people and their efforts, and installing something new in its place (which will then inevitably get destroyed by the next person who comes along, rinse and repeat ad infinitum).

 

In your view, what can the rest of the LOTC community learn from the ethos of the NGS? What are your tips and tricks for making roleplay collaborative storytelling rather than a game that needs to be won?

 

(Also, obligatory fave Erika/Manon moment teehee)

fave erika manon moment is MAKING HER EAT CANDLES!!! DUH !!!! 

 

i'm unfortunately not sure there's much i can say on that though. i think it's a pretty human impulse to knock down the other guy's sandcastle, especially if you secretly think it's better than your own in some way. it's not a *nice* human impulse, but it's natural, and i think it's pretty hard to escape in the general type of people that lotc attracts. i have said for years that many lotc players would be better off playing crusader kings. 

 

one of my favorite pieces of advice i received once is "it's possible for people to change, but only about 3%." i think as people come and go, *culture* on lotc can change, but the individuals themselves... mostly don't, and we can't expect them to. we can just support the ones who bring good vibes, and hope that that good energy builds on itself. 

 

that said, what i think the NGS has done differently is in some ways actually being *unwelcoming* to certain types of people. we try to be friendly to everyone irp, but the structure of the NGS is fundamentally oriented in a way that doesn't support sandcastle-kicking.

 

the NGS is all work with basically zero reward. there is no money, there are no titles, or land, or thrones, or taxes to collect, or laws to make. the only reward for putting effort into the NGS is the satisfaction of a job well done, and the really lovely community. i think that structure has really helped boost our reputation as a stable, non-toxic community, and therefore helped attract more people *looking* for an environment like that. but also, it's done a great job keeping the power-trippers away from our community, because power-trippers are not interested in all-work-no-reward systems (and power-trippers are prone to sandcastle-kicking) 

 

i think also like . i as a person absolutely HATE anything and everything OOC. i don't like game nights or voice calls or planning meetings over DMs or joining discord servers or any of it. i hate it. i hate how it makes my roleplay worse. my goal on lotc is ALWAYS to tell a compelling, interesting story, and the more OOC wrangling you involve, the quicker the story gets two-dimensional and grey. i feel very very intensely about this, and have made it really clear in my leadership of the NGS that that's how i want the society to run. deguise worked a very similar way. 

 

while i know that perspective simply doesn't *work* for some roles, and it doesn't work for many people, i think people absolutely can *feel* that focus on RP, and i think it can build on itself to build stronger rp-forward sentiments in communities, and that love for rp necessarily turns into respect for the rp people have done in the past, and a desire to preserve it for other people to appreciate too.

 

so i guess. TL;DR

the best thing you can do is to be the change you wish to see in the world, and to avoid the people who want to wreck it all. there isn't much you can do to change them, but you can absolutely build communities where people like that aren't welcome, and those communities will be cooler and have more fun anyway

 

the way to make rp "not a game to be won" is to take away the reward for winning, and the cost for losing. when there's nothing to incentivize that sort of mentality, you won't attract people with it. 

[DahStalker 3692]

does Manon ever miss her aunt Priscilla dawg

 

who is manons favorite child 

[Malins Welcome 1519]

Don't forget, you're here forever.

 

What was the original concept for Manon as a character and how far has she deviated from that throughout and after her Dark Age?

 

Self Indulgent, feel free to skip: Favorite Manon / James moment?

[esotericas 2674]

3 hours ago, DahStalker said:

does Manon ever miss her aunt Priscilla dawg

 

who is manons favorite child 

i'm sorry to say she really did not like priscilla 💀 

 

she doesnt strictly have a favorite, but there have been some with more impactful rp, or with whom she had/has a stronger relationship. siegmund was probably her most intense and interesting parent-child relationship, but he's dead rip 

[esotericas 2674]

31 minutes ago, Malins Welcome said:

Don't forget, you're here forever.

 

What was the original concept for Manon as a character and how far has she deviated from that throughout and after her Dark Age?

 

Self Indulgent, feel free to skip: Favorite Manon / James moment?

the original concept for manon was to play a social outsider. i wanted her to look different from her peers and family, (the source of her #albinism) and also to care about different things. from the start she was a very intellectual, philosophical person, and had a very intense sense of whimsy. she loved fairies and ghosts and spooky forests and all of that.

 

i try to base my characters on narrative concepts / tropes i guess? moreso than specific characters. her story has always been about the experience of being an outsider. other themes have shifted a lot over time. in her early years, i took inspiration from the following themes:

 

the cost of genius, a dark secret that corrupts everything it touches, the consequences of really intense daddy issues, and this quote in particular from addie larue: “being forgotten, she thinks, is a bit like going mad. you begin to wonder what is real, if you are real. after all, how can a thing be real if it cannot be remembered?” 

in manon's very early youth, she had a near-death experience, and a lot of the first few decades of her life were really intensely shaped by it. for a very long time, she suffered from a sort of cotard's syndrome. although she only briefly experienced complete delusion on the level of real cotard's syndrome (i hate diagnosing my ocs so that's the closest i'm going to get) for a long time she held the sort of abstract belief that she was supposed to die as a little girl, and that she had somehow inadvertently sold her soul in exchange for eternal life, with the caveat that nobody would ever remember or care who she was. she went through phases of celebrating this theoretical bargain and regretting it. obviously she didn't want to be dead, but she has spent her whole life yearning to truly connect with people, and in particular to have the respect and admiration of her superiors.

 

at the start, she was inspired by auri from name of the wind, with dashes of alice in wonderland, addie larue, and yvaine from stardust.

 

nowadays, as my roleplay is less intense, the potency of the themes in manon's life is a lot subtler. but also, she's reached the age where these emotional arcs happen a lot slower - over decades, instead of days. but these are some of the ideas that i've been percolating on in regards to her narrative at its current place: how much do we sacrifice for love, the sins of the father (or mother in her case), whether the ends justify the means, telling a lie enough that it becomes the truth, coping with being a different person than she used to be, how to keep wanting to be alive, and especially the endless grief that comes with immortality.

 

she has always been an intensely intellectual, introspective, philosophical character, and a lot of the themes of her life - her relationships with male authorities, her relationship with womanhood, complex feelings about violence and morality, have remained incredibly persistent. it's moreso her direct character that has changed so much. a lot of it was gradual, and most of her transformations have been about the internal aspects of what she does. fundamentally, she has always been a caretaker and an educator and a philosopher, and those traits will pretty much never change. but WHY she chooses to care for people has really changed. i think on some level she always wanted to be a "good," genuinely caring person, but for most of her life she wasn't capable of caring for other people unless it was for personal gain - or, unless she convinced herself it was for personal gain. she was too wounded by being completely disregarded by almost all the most important people in her life. she had a toxic relationship with her father, her alchemy mentor secretly hated her and thought she was the scum of the earth, her best friend and her first love chose to marry her childhood bully instead of her. over and over, she was thrown away by the people she loved most, and for over a century she just couldn't ever let herself care for people without some notion of personal gain, because she *knew* none of them cared for her back. and she was often proven right (though sometimes it was warranted. she wasn't exactly easy to love, and she still isn't) 

partially, her perspective on her own nature began to shift - she realized, i think, that it's not actually very fun to be evil and hateful all the time, and that she would rather just embrace the things she loved for what they were, instead of trying to convince herself she needed ulterior motives to justify them. 

 

anyway. she's changed a LOT, and i think on some level she truly has redeemed herself, which i was never expecting or intending her to do. i have mixed feelings about it. i think she does too. deep down in her heart, she still feels like she was "supposed" to be a villain, and she just isn't anymore. it's been hard for her to cope with realizing that.

 

re: manon and james

i think honestly what i love most about their friendship isn't any particular moments, but the absolute faith she has always had in him. manon is so incredibly prone to paranoia. she is constantly convinced that everyone around her is secretly trying to tear her down, or to take away her happiness, or to kill her, or whatever. she's usually wrong, but she's cripplingly afraid of losing everything she's built, her reputation, her home, her family, her life - because she knows if the wrong person finds out the wrong things, and she gets unlucky, it *could* all go away. but she has never, ever distrusted james. they've never been besties, and she often disagrees with him about very fundamental matters of faith and philosophy and politics, but at this point in her life, she's very aware of how lucky she is to have a friend that she has never had cause to doubt. 

[Nectorist 12869]

What's some outside media/art that inspires your RP? Could be literature, TV, movies, paintings, real life, history, whatever.

[esotericas 2674]

17 hours ago, Nectorist said:

What's some outside media/art that inspires your RP? Could be literature, TV, movies, paintings, real life, history, whatever.

i'm a total nut for the styles of the 1890s-1900s, and beyond just the way thats represented in manon's style, i've been taking lots of inspiration from various media set around that time for my events and writing. 

 

other than that though it really really depends on the persona. it's often more concepts or themes from media that inspire me than the media itself. i read a little bit of dostoevsky a year or two ago in an english class, and we had a really fascinating discussion on whether *wanting* to believe in god made him christian or not. he certainly didn't consider himself christian, despite wanting to be. i'm not at all religious myself, but i've been percolating on that idea of "wanting to believe vs actually believing in a faith" into my rp ever since. so, moreso stuff like that! i've also been on a hugee nautical kick recently, which is more directly expressing itself in my rp (and some ngs plans)

 

but if you're interested in what media i've been up to recently (and i guess therefore what has been inspiring me) 

- buffy the vampire slayer

- anne with an e

- goth-folk music (idk the proper name for the genre)

- the night circus by erin morgenstern

- hp lovecraft (problematic fav i'm sorry i know he was a shitty guy) 

- the video game dredge

- anything and everything wes anderson and guillermo del toro (esp fantastic mr fox and crimson peak respectively) 

 

your mention of paintings was really interesting to me! i don't know that i've considered more direct visual influences on my roleplay like that before. i really really love alphonse mucha's work though :) i also spend a lot of time looking at late victorian epherma (fashion plates, notes, advertisements, etc) for a personal project i'm working on too, and the style of that has been super inspiring to me artistically! 

my favorite current artist is juliette brocal / cy_lyndric, with gaëlle geniller / avril_circus as a close second. i'm very interested in fashion history and both of them do incredible character art with really fantastic historical fashion in it. i highly recommend taking a peek at both of them! 

 

i'm studying medieval history with a minor in latin so a lot of that has been slowly seeping into my rp too - though i'm only in my first year. i'm sure more influences in that regard will come later on. i'm really interested in the art of the byzantine empire, those really incredibly elaborate mosaics n stuff. absolutely incredible. i love that overt all-consuming opulence, and i try to incorporate some aesthetic cues from it into my personal artwork 

[KeiaTypeBeat 3277]

Skip what's been answered already and I'll find out when I get to reading all these comments, I'm too tired rn  😭

 

What do you think is the most important thing your experience on the server has taught you? 

 

Has the way you've engaged with this game changed dramatically over the years, or do you believe it's been more or less the same stuff, just adding more experiences and honing the niches you were enjoying at the start?

 

Would you ever recommend LOTC to an irl friend or family member?

How are you doing today?

Do you have anything you want a reason to gush about, or talk about, that you otherwise make an excuse not to share?

How similar are you to the personas you make? How much do you borrow from yourself to give life to the characters you play? Or do you find that a firmer boundary between where you end and your characters begin is more important?

 

Who's your favorite shitass in the NGS?

 

Would you consider LOTC important to you, and would you be comfortable to speak on that importance, or lack thereof? 

 

I hope you have a good day, and I hope you stay safe.

[esotericas 2674]

13 hours ago, Boujee Keia said:

Skip what's been answered already and I'll find out when I get to reading all these comments, I'm too tired rn  

 

What do you think is the most important thing your experience on the server has taught you? 

 

Has the way you've engaged with this game changed dramatically over the years, or do you believe it's been more or less the same stuff, just adding more experiences and honing the niches you were enjoying at the start?

 

Would you ever recommend LOTC to an irl friend or family member?

How are you doing today?

Do you have anything you want a reason to gush about, or talk about, that you otherwise make an excuse not to share?

How similar are you to the personas you make? How much do you borrow from yourself to give life to the characters you play? Or do you find that a firmer boundary between where you end and your characters begin is more important?

 

Who's your favorite shitass in the NGS?

 

Would you consider LOTC important to you, and would you be comfortable to speak on that importance, or lack thereof? 

 

I hope you have a good day, and I hope you stay safe.

What do you think is the most important thing your experience on the server has taught you? 

 

My time on LOTC, especially my time on Manon, has taught me a lot about leadership skills and about pedagogy. I've gotten a lot of value out of thinking critically about my experiences on the server - what works, what doesn't work, and why, and I think if I end up pursuing a career in education it will be immensely valuable. Particularly, it has caused me to develop much stronger feelings on what is and isn't *good* teaching, and how to engage a relatively uninterested audience in what you want them to learn.

 

Has the way you've engaged with this game changed dramatically over the years, or do you believe it's been more or less the same stuff, just adding more experiences and honing the niches you were enjoying at the start?

 

Massively. I have touched on this a bit before, but I have really struggled the past few years to recapture the intensity and engagement of my rp, after my very serious burnout a few years ago. I find it much harder to develop interesting and unique characters, and I'm more prone to abandoning them once their gimmick gets stale. It's something I'm working on improving, but it's been slow-going. 

 

I actually think the opposite is true re: niches. I hate the idea of players sticking to one niche that interests them. In my mind, the whole point of roleplay is to experiment with things we can't necessarily experiment with so easily in real life. It's really tragic to me that so many lotcers find a thing they like and do nothing else, instead of trying new things. I'm always trying to expand my horizons and experiment with new places to rp, new types of characters, and new stories to tell. 

 

Would you ever recommend LOTC to an irl friend or family member?

 

I have! I am unashamed of my interest in it, and my family has been forced to suffer through many hours of me yapping about Manon. I've recommended it to a few irls, though I've only successfully managed to convert one @wardynsorry gamer.

 

Nowadays, I'm not so sure I'd recommend it. While I think the current narrative of the Empire is really interesting, it's made the server a much more hostile for people interested in playing fringe-type characters, and those are often the ones I and my friends love the most. A few years ago, when the irp environment was more hospitable to mages or dwarves or whatever, I definitely did though.

How are you doing today?
 

I'm good! I have a lot of schoolwork to do the next two weeks, finals sort of snuck up on me, and they're very early here, but I'm looking forward to be done soon!

 

Do you have anything you want a reason to gush about, or talk about, that you otherwise make an excuse not to share?

 

I'm doing a summer program on fashion design this year, and I'm REALLY looking forward to it. I was really torn between fashion and history for my major going into uni, and I decided to go with history (b.c i figure it's easier to go into fashion later than to try and get into academia) so i'm really hyped to get to do a bit of both this year :3

How similar are you to the personas you make? How much do you borrow from yourself to give life to the characters you play? Or do you find that a firmer boundary between where you end and your characters begin is more important?

 

My characters and I often share the same interests, styles, or hobbies, but not the same values. I think it's really important to both give yourself a way of emotionally connecting to a character, and understanding them mentally, without letting character bleed get you. I think empathizing with your characters, even if they're bad people, is really important to do good roleplay. The most horrible people in the world still think of themselves as human, and without that level of understanding, characters can really easily turn into just a pile of stereotypes with no depth. 

 

Who's your favorite shitass in the NGS?

 

I think you know. 

 

 

Would you consider LOTC important to you, and would you be comfortable to speak on that importance, or lack thereof? 

 

Very much so. I think LOTC is an incredibly unique medium for storytelling. I've tried DND, LARP, theater, writing, text based rp, all of it - and I like LOTC's style the best of all of them. As a server, it's really really flawed, and I'm not currently very happy with the direction it's going, but I'm doing what I can to improve the server, and I think it's still worth loving and protecting for what it is and what it could be someday. On a personal level, I think LOTC's importance has mostly been IRT my beloved Manon. I have a hard time putting into words how much this character means for me. She's been with me through a lot, and I think her and her story have become a really important part of who I am today. Her changing narrative has mirrored my own life in a lot of ways, especially my recovery from depression in the past few years years, and my own process dealing with my low empathy disorder. She is incredibly incredibly important to me. I don't think I'll be able to leave LOTC behind until she's dead - and I do NOT want her to die </3

 

That said, I think once she does die, I will (try to) step away from the server. While I love it and everything you can do with it, it has eaten up (and will continue to eat up) so so much of my free time that I could be spending on things that are better for my body and mind. There are so many hobbies that I've dabbled in over the years but never got to fully dig into because I was too busy with mineman, and I want this to change - but I can't escape the Manonprison until she's gone. It's really a double edged sword.

[Benleft 2578]

Congratulations! I am very appreciative of the effort you have put into keeping the NGS up and running, and culturally modern. It is very impressive, and "good for the scene," in my opinion. 

How do you think you've helped change the server for the better? 

[esotericas 2674]

3 minutes ago, Benleft said:

Congratulations! I am very appreciative of the effort you have put into keeping the NGS up and running, and culturally modern. It is very impressive, and "good for the scene," in my opinion. 

How do you think you've helped change the server for the better? 

Terrifying question??? i have no idea????

 

I certainly try to make lotc a kinder and more interesting place. I think I do a lot to promote rp-forward leadership in my efforts at the NGS, and it's had a marked difference on the whole "ngs experience" i guess. beyond that I don't know!! I don't think I've really considered whether or not I have had a greater impact on the server than that. I try my best to approach people with kindness and to encourage them to do the same for others. I'm certainly not perfect, but I know that attitude of respect and tolerance has impacted people around me. But i guess mostly, I just try to be welcoming to people, especially to people playing countercultural characters. i don't necessarily mean "people playing darkspawn" because there are plenty of those, and whole communities around them, but moreso people who are trying new things with their personas, or who don't otherwise have a place or niche to easily fit into. 

 

also, to beat an exceedingly dead horse, i think my very strong rp-forward (or rp-only when i can) perspectives have certainly impacted the small communities i interact with. i've been really clear on how important i think it is to minimize OOC, but previously it's been hard to try to influence people beyond my own small circles bc so many structures on lotc are not built for that sort of attitude. it's been a huge change to see the NGS restored to its former glory, and i'm really enjoying being at the helm of it and getting to spread the good word to more people. i'm also really looking forward to doing more of that on drusilla. i feel really lucky to have met valentina at the right place and time irp, and to have genuinely been given the persona purely on the principle of good roleplay, instead of any significant background of ooc friendship. i had barely spoken to lena or pkdon oocly at all before manon came into valentina's life, and it makes me so happy to see people willing to offer an important role to someone off good roleplay alone. i am prone to doomering about the state of the server, but i feel very optimistic about those two, and maybe i can claim a bit of that influence as my own. maybe.?

 

i'm going to.

 

because i say so.

[KeiaTypeBeat 3277]

2 hours ago, esotericas said:

Who's your favorite shitass in the NGS?

 

I think you know. 

(the game)

 

Well thought-out answers beget numerous cat pics. You've earned em

 

[esotericas 2674]

12 hours ago, Boujee Keia said:

 

Well thought-out answers beget numerous cat pics. You've earned em

 

MAGNIFICENT CREATURE!!!!!