To those it may concern:
If you are reading this, then I have made the decision to end my life.
The means of such I am currently unsure of, I’d vote to check a nearby river perhaps, hm?
Either way, you can trust that I am, one hundred percent- Dead. Gone. Deceased.
And in a way I suppose that could be considered unfortunate- I’m certain I have atleast another hundred years in me at the time of writing this. And I’m sure many would see such a decision as this to be a selfish act on my behalf- to those people I apologise, though my most utter sympathies go to my many many orphaned children.
To remind you all that this is indeed a will: I am glad to announce that every single one of my material possessions shall be handed down to my youngest blood- Arlene Uialben-Underson.
And the role of guild master shall be passed on to Blair Fester, my dearest concubine ally in my absence, of whom I entrust to relay this document to those it may concern:
To the Dwarves of Urguan, I send forth my most sincere apologies- I shall not be joining you in your war effort.
To the people of Thania, I wish you luck in your future endeavours, and leave to you my daughter Arlene, whom I shall entrust you to protect in my absence.
To my Ex-wife Incadence, I leave to you the burden of a child. Enjoy yourself now~
To Mika Uialben, I leave with you the knowledge that I have bedded your wife.
To Captain Fay, I relieve you of any debt that was owed, entirely due to the fact that I will not be able to collect it.
To Trade-King Corwin of Sutica, I leave to you the gift of relief- as well as the knowledge that Mystery was a superior trade monarch.
To my Grand-daughter Anne, I leave my trusty Zweihander- the location of which I shall not be disclosing out of spite. Find it and it shall be yours- however the dead have better things to do than searching for lost relics, suck it.
To my Eldest daughter Mhel, I leave a feeling of deep embarrassment, as-well as the knowledge that despite all that has come to distance us, I still hold you in great regard.
I have prepared separate letters for matters deserving of my secrecy.
In the odd occasion that my body is infact found, I request that I be buried at sea, one may find the blueprints of the vessel in which I wish to be contained within- underneath my living-room desk.
To sign off- I leave you all with this:
Though I shall be absent for whatever paths you all decide to take, know that I shall be watching over you all from beyond the void. And for those curious as to my reasoning behind such a drastic decision to end my life- I give the simple reason that my theory must have been flawed- and/or incorrect.
-Kindest Regards- Hearth James Underson of Sutica. Knight of Courland, Royal Spymaster, Previous Guild Master of Rosewood, Doctor of the Athermoore, Ex-Shire Reeve of Dunshire, Guardian of the Crown, Tavernkeep of the Golden Moon, Slayer of the Cerulean Forktail, Master of fire Evocation, Swordsman, Bard, Knight of Knox, Tailor, Blacksmith, Author, Son of Geodarin and Laurelene Underson. Shagger of Mika’s Wife (and a fifth of the population of Sutica). Father of Arlene, Mhel, Bla-
[!] The document would end abruptly.