MoiMoi Weekly: 1st Edition.

[MoiMoi Weekly 9]

 

 

 

MoiMoi Weekly is your finest correspondence for news and knowledge within the realm, involving real figures with an actual thing to say. Straight from the hotseat of Metz to your doorstep, and personally approved by his Exalted Grace and honorary editor of MoiMoi Jacques d’Amaury; the world was never seen so crystal clear before.

 

I.MoiMoi Travels: Dreadlands, the ville of the apes?

 

 

When MoiMoi tasked me to research the Dreadlands, I was rather nervous. Not only did they have random outbursts of violence, but there was no organization in whatever region they controlled. Yet, for the sake of curiosity and credibility, I had to.

 

I didn’t even realize I was in the dreadlands at first. All signs and talk of the day gestured to “Oren” or “John Owyn”.. It was confusing, I never understood the obsession with celebrities and those wicko fans who wish to kill them out of love and jealousy to begin with.

 

On the first day, I was surprised with the general passion for Bananas there. I sure liked fruits myself, as any healthy Orenian citizen would, but such amounts sure bordered animalistic proportions.

 

They spoke our language, which any traveler surely could appreciate. But at times they make these weird noises, ones that could also be heard to the many jungles of the Kha. They were weird, aggressive and hormonal. They reminded me of teenagers, but you know, more sex and more weird. It became apparent amidst the second day that this was their substitute for communication.

 

At night I couldn’t sleep, despite the branches of the banana tree being relatively comfortable. They would climb down during the dark, and do weird dances. Although my sight wasn’t that good from above, I was sure that they were making hand motions surrounding the groin while forming a circular shape. I could hear inaudible attempts to intimidate each other, and just stampedes towards nothing in particular.

 

By the break of dawn during the fifth day I found myself only eating salted bananas. It was their tradition to sprinkle it onto their most relished fruit; and I didn’t want to be dismissive to their rich and unique culture by denying them.

 

Then it struck to me, just there, sitting on a banana branch overlooking the circular groin zumba. Are those Dreadlanders even human?! I gathered my sketch of an ape from the Kha jungles, and whipped my painting kit out. I made a portrait of a Dreadlander looking confused at my shaving kit; the poor being probably unaware of what it is. The similarities were just, shocking. Take a look yourself:

They were very much alike the creatures I found in the Kharajyr jungles, who danced and slept in very similar ways. When you’re ruthlessly boycotted and isolated by your former home, no wonder you assimilate to the strong temptations of the wild. It has become their nature now, and there is nothing wrong it.
 

It became apparent that the longer they ate the salted bananas, the weaker their bones became. It was hard to explain to them in common tongue that their recipe resulted into this weakening, but I felt it belonged to their culturally emancipated identity; It was who they wanted to be. It was also their way of coping with stress; the more stress, the more bananas. Things worked in a simple manner over there.

 

And perhaps MoiMoi won’t like me saying this, but I can freely say what I want because it’s 1572 for Creator’s sake; Oren should respect their identity as it is. There, I said it. By forbidding people to walk on the roofs in Johannesburg, we are simply inciting racism to these devolved beings. It is in their nature to climb and perform monkey business in whatever heights or spaces they prefer; who are we to oppose the nature that GOD created?

 

Overall I’d certainly return to the Dreadlands again despite the rather repetitive cuisine.

 

The experience is intimate and ‘symbolically’ naked; it is just so apparent what they want to do to you and themselves. Perhaps they will one day distinguish themselves from the ape identity. But for now; we must guide them off the rooftops and just be better than them, which isn’t that hard to do.

 

II. MoiMoi Lifestyle: Immortality, maybe it’s Kharadeen.

 

 

The Elven secret to a long life, who doesn’t want that? Thinking about it doesn’t make us necessarily heretical, but it certainly is our little dirty pleasure. While we all stare in awe to the dual wielding pointy-eared bandits that are jailed for years, hardly a time-out with their lengthy lives, is there a possibility for eternal life after all?

 

Our homegrown MoiMoi Historian and lifestyle editor Sergei Kovachev went deep into the records of Haria to find a shocking conclusion; Faiz Kharadeen is 300 years old and counting! He may have upheld the facade of being a human kinsman, but MoiMoi simply knows better.

 

 

1442, 4th of Sun’s Smile.

 

How could a Human, who lives up to 80 years, be a full fledged warrior of humanity 120 years ago? Sergei has a question of his own… “Must be an elf.” He would say sitting on his unused and dusty Chief Justice robes “The Kharadeens always had a different take on sensuality; much more exotic, much cheaper.” We asked Faiz Kharadeen himself;

 

 

After a lenghty discussion MoiMoi learned that Faiz follows a healthy lifestyle and often assaults the public domain with low-quality flyers.  When asked for details surrounding his immortality, and what he did to obtain it, he simply stated;

 

 

MoiMoi still the doubts the claims made by the Mali Kharadeen, but we’d still like to give a tip to all single chickens seeking a colored, obnoxiously vocal hen; immortality may be one fade away.

 

III. Jacques “Celebrity” d’Amaury quote of the Day.

 

[[]]

“No, but we did incite the riots”.

- Jacques d’Amaury, wielding a torch and Lucienist banner, 1569

 

IV.MoiMoi’s Editorial

- A Johannesburg citizen, 1572

“We are buried up to our necks in a history of violence and brutality against people of colour,

I refuse to be silent anymore”.

- Menarra Nightblade

 

Let that sink in, maidens and gentlemen. Our own pontiff dares to take a racial stance with such a quote in the year 1572? Does he not see the service the JCP does for our people? We should be thankful for the beating with no precedent or their bypassing of judicial systems, not force a Pontiff to put the lives of those wearing the iron uniform in danger. Without them, we wouldn’t be safe, nor would there be any beating sound. Just a reminder that all lives matter folks, the Orenian lives just matter a tad more.

[Publius 4098]

"Ban this!" Screams Jacques, shocked at the wild claims held within this most masterful of smut!

[mmat 7460]

"Truth."

[Publius 4098]

2 minutes ago, Mj. said:

oy vey I like bananas

[Mj. 697]

Just now, ya boy james said:

Just now, Mj. said:

oy vey I like bananas

"Who doesn't they have lots of potassium"

[Mj. 697]

Wem laughs seeing someone spend so much time writing such ass!

 

"I cordially invite you to my home, named Badlion. It's a dreadlanders homeland."

[Mj. 697]

((Isn't moimoi the name of the lemur from avatar))

[KeatonUnbeaten 1103]

Robyn reads the paper, checking briefly around for any banana trees- he could really use some potassium.

[AndrewTech 3334]

Alastair VonSchlichten, Chief Justice of the Crownlands, reads the newspaper before JPC officers drag another prisoner into the courtroom to be judged. He then quickly hides the scandalous paper underneath a stack of legal documents, and gets back to work!

[Petals4013 34]

Thea sighs. "Tl;dr"

[Wendigo 786]

Moved to the Archive. If you feel this is a mistake, please contact myself or any FM and we'll restore it.