Too Rich to Die Poor (ecksdee)

[Reckless Banzai Screamer 15456]

 

 

 

Spoiler

 

 

 

 

17th of the Deep Cold, 1669

 

A normal day after the busy rush in the Mos Le’Harmless Cantina located in Senntisten, Commodus unwinds back at the bar counter with his hoo’kah while Death Lotus Yakuza member Hisashi repairs the Cantina piano.

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“Well Hisashi, I think I outdid myself. I wasn’t close to as rich as I am now when I was a merchant in Jedih. I think I might contract another mercenary company under me! I’ll be Saint Tobias rich!!” Commodus mused aloud to the weary Easterner.

 

“Mastah Bobo say eef one watch where he step, he no step in dog sheet,” Hisashi replied, laying on the floor under the piano he was working on. “You no becarefur, you get THWACKED!” He clapped his hands for emphasis. “Rike naughty chird.”

 

“Bobo says a lot of things and I have never seen any of them come to fruition,” Commodus answers, rolling his eyes as he took another puff of cactus green from his hoo’kah. With that said, loud steps were heard as someone descended down the stairs.

 

“WHAT? WHAT YOU SAY? I SRAP YOU FOR INCORENCE.” An elderly Yakuza boss with a thick white beard emerged from the staircase and wagged his bamboo cane in the direction of Commodus.

 

Hisashi snickered from under the piano as Commodus’ face became flustered. “HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU, OLD MAN? WE SPEAK THE COMMON TONGUE IN THIS DAMN COUNTRY!” While Commodus and Bobo bickered, a group of armored men of Oyashimian descent marched into the cantina with their skinny blades drawn.

 

Lord Hibiki

 

“Werr, werr werr,” A man in flamboyantly decorated robes tutted as he lead the group of soldiers inside. “Noteeng escape arr seeing eye of Khan Ryuu! Even piece of sheets ‘cross great sea.”

 

Master Bobo snarled in defiance to the newcomer. “Oh rook, what cat bring back! Ees Ryuu’s rap dawg!”

A soldier swung his blade towards Bobo’s throat but stopped short as the robed Easterner held his hand up. “No, Ryuu want dem arr arive.” He said, looking around to those present. Hisashi had crawled out from under the piano to Master Bobo’s side, putting his arm in front of the old man defensively.

 

“Ahem...excuse me..” Commodus said as he cleared his throat from behind the bar counter. He set his hoo’kah hose down and went to grab an empty mason jar. “Welcome to the Mos le’ Harm-AAH!” The mason jar shattered in his hand as an Easterner soldier blew a blow dart in Commodus’ direction narrowly missing him. Commodus kept his eyes shut as he ducked behind the counter surrounded by broken glass shards. “WHO THE **** ARE YOU PEOPLE?”

 

“What do we do about de gaijeen, Rord Hibiki?”

 

“No witnesses. We deport yakuza back to Echo Bay.” The robed Easterner, Hibiki, drew his thumb across his neck gesturing for the soldier who asked to go and kill Commodus. From behind the counter, Commodus pissed himself at Hibiki’s response and began praying to his Creator in a mumble.

 

“I’m sorry I don’t donate enough to the Church, I’m sorry I’m a greedy man, I’m sorry I’m such a shitty bastard..- AAAAH!” A sword was embedded into the counter inches from Commodus’ head as Death Lotus yakuza men rushed out of the basement armed with butcher knives and rolling pins. Commodus looked up from his hiding spot behind the counter and saw Hisashi wrapping a piano wire around the soldier’s neck. A copper colored foam spurted from the corner of the soldier’s mouth as he struggled in Hisashi’s lethal hold. “Go sreep, you dishonah your sheet rord,” Hisashi whispered in the dying khan soldier’s ear before looking back to a soiled Commodus. “Khan Commodus you haf to reave with Mastah Bobo!”

 

Commodus stared blankly at Hisashi for a brief moment as if something had snapped in the human’s mind. Suddenly, his face churned and he ducked down behind the counter, fumbling with a mason jar full of his special Auvergian brandy and a dirty rag. Hisashi turned back around and was smacked by Lord Hibiki’s gauntleted hand making him stumble back towards the piano.

 

“Fucka you!” Hibiki spat at Hisashi. As he raised to metal toed boot to stomp out Hisashi who has fallen onto the ground and prepared to defend himself, Commodus rose back up from behind the bar counter with a mason jar of the liquor and a dirty rag hanging out of it alongside a flint and steel starter.

 

“NO THIS IS MY PROPERTY! FUCKA YOU!”

 

And with that, Commodus lit his flint and steel starter and ignited the rag before tossing the mason jar of liquor into the crowd of Easterners close behind Hibiki. Upon the explosion, the shards of glass and flames crept up Hibiki’s back making him naturally fall forward as Hisashi rolled away to safety. Screams from both yakuza men and khan soldiers were heard as the flames spread quickly inside the cantina burning anyone in its path indiscriminately.

 

Mos Le’Harmless Cantina on fire

 

Commodus ducked low as the flames roared and exited the kitchen. He stepped over Hisashi carefully but found his exit cut off by fleeing Easterners and the enduring flames. He turned towards the balcony to spot Bobo looking out towards the Senntisten water way below them.

 

“We jump.” Master Bobo said.

 

“We don’t jump I’m not Santegian I don’t approve of cliff jumping like-..”

 

“I SRAP YOU, JUMP!” And with that, Bobo jumped off the balcony as if he were a youthful Easterner again. Commodus looked behind him and saw Hisashi limping on to the balcony with his saw blade in hand.

 

“Go, Khan Commodus! Mastah Bobo old and not well in head. He need someone wit heem! I hord off Rord Hibiki!”

 

“A moment, Hisashi.” Commodus replied, taking a deep breath as he started into the inferno that consumed his cantina. He cleared his throat as he prepared his monologue. “I may not be the whitest or the brownest!” He began.

 

“Khan Commodus horee fook go now!”

 

“HISASHI!” Commodus shouted after being interrupted and he’d continue. “I may not be the handsomest. I may not be the strongest. But GOD DAMN IT I’m one of the richest. When my hired mercenaries kill all you Khan cock suckers, I’m buying your wives for myself and redistributing them to the Death Lotus! Bobo’s getting a *****, Hisashi’s getting a *****, Daisu-..”

 

A bolt was shot out from the inferno and embedded itself in Commodus’ gut with the end of it sticking out - something preventing it from intruding all the way into Commodus's stomach. Commodus looked down with a painful expression over his visage.

 

“OhfuckmeOhfuckmeOhfuckme…” He said in a breathless voice as he stumbled backwards towards the balcony's railing.

 

“KHAN COMMODUS!” Hisashi shouted as Commodus fell backwards over the balcony and into the watery depths below.

 

 

Spoiler

((not pk im leaving for a little bit people at cantina have fun while im away in tropical places

 

[Nonival 147]

Aldonza would pick through the wreckage of the fire, shaking her head in disbelief. "Commodus... what did you get yourself into..." The remnants of her belongings in hand, Aldonza leaves the Cantina for the last time, heart heavy with grief from the loss of an old friend. 

[craigr34 138]

Old Master Bobo follows the stream a bit further down stream until far enough away. Upon seeing the Commodus he goes to slow himself down against the current till Commodus' body has caught up. "Fawking rord Hibiki coming in ruining arr of my prans! Atreast Commodus ees safe for now..." He slowly drifts commodus and himself towards the shoreline. He then helps commodus to his feet limping him away to one of the yakuza hideouts. "Yoo wirr be safe Commodus, yoo are undah wathfurr eye of the Yakuza now. I wirr be ownah of thee Canteena tirr yoo are hokay."