MickMeist 173 Share Posted August 14, 2018 Why choose a period? Lawrence McCarter (fuckin mickmeist yo) We strive to succeed in every aspect of life. Reaching, for that next big moment, through miles of toil and strife. And when any given one of these moments may last a myriad Of months or years I ask you. “Why choose a period?” In my case, I marched on that mat until my feet bled I hit that drum in that exact rhythm enough times that it would be months before those notes and melodies stopped running through my head. And while there might be minute details or some little things that I would go back and change, The reality is that my performance on that last stage was a gift to myself with no receipt for an exchange. Let me give you a scenario. Its simple enough, it goes like this: “Hello.” “I made this.” “I dedicated the last four years of my life to it.” “I’m happy about it.” Whoever that is I pray he doesn’t exist because that display was not passion During my magnum opus I would protest the war in Vietnam with extreme dissatisfaction My best friend would scream and shout to that crowd that he had a voice And as each moment passed every fiber of my being rejoiced. I left a piece of my soul behind with that performance, and thus came the end of a four year narration All I can say is that, whoever’s writing my story, I’m glad they chose an exclamation. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This is the first of a series of poems I wrote about punctuation for a mix of reasons from class to hobbying to feeling cosmically obligated to do so. Posting it here primarily to get feedback and constructive advice from the plethora of incredible writers in our community, and secondarily to maybe spur myself into writing again because I'm lazy and haven't in a few months. Be as harsh or cushiony as you like, I just wanna get better yo. Also like if you wanna see the show this was based on its in this spoiler, unfortunately it isn't the championship performance I wrote with in mind because copyright and I couldn't get ahold of the video, so the show had changed a bunch during the season after this point but the message and overall feel/sound of the show was about the same. Spoiler 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Man of Respect 5435 Share Posted August 14, 2018 WHITE AND POWERFUL Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narthok 9213 Share Posted August 14, 2018 I feel like you need to give some context about the speaker in your opening limes so the reader can empathize more Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
MickMeist 173 Author Share Posted August 15, 2018 53 minutes ago, Narthok said: I feel like you need to give some context about the speaker in your opening limes so the reader can empathize more is that something like adding a stanza prior to "We strive.." or establishing the speaker's identity during the already existing opening lines? I've tinkered with various versions of it but they all seem to suffer from this issue unless I'm reading it aloud to someone Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narthok 9213 Share Posted August 15, 2018 10 hours ago, MickMeist said: is that something like adding a stanza prior to "We strive.." or establishing the speaker's identity during the already existing opening lines? I've tinkered with various versions of it but they all seem to suffer from this issue unless I'm reading it aloud to someone The first option. Like how in a path less travelled you get a decent understanding of who the speaker is throughout the work. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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