pk On That Note

[Lapidary 494]

"Perhaps if I had more time..."

 

A painting of Hans' loyal canine, Cardinal


It is not often that life in Almaris is taken by illness nor by age, though it seems for the lineage of Alstreim one is so lucky to die a more peaceful death. His things set aside in his now abandoned room, left for his remaining family along with a more private letter.

After surviving thanium poisoning and shamanic curses for much of his life, the now grown-old Hans Lorenz von Alstreim was taken without warning. Succumbing to his ailments at last, the elder Alstreim left behind the copies of a letter that upon reading seem to have been written in frustration.

Perhaps, this letter is important? It sits quietly upon the ground just outside your home, drifting in the wind across the road- all reaches of the continent with scattered copies of a final message. Whether this letter was written just before his passing or some time ago remains unclear, though his signature is left emblazoned upon the bottom, signed in clarity.

((I ask now that, out of character, you do not use the contents of this letter to start any sort of villainous roleplay nor against me oocly. I have reached a point where I do not think I could stand it, and I do not want to make life any more difficult for Meleutherius. I cannot stop you, but take my request as you will.))


If you read on, it begins:

 

Spoiler

To the citizens of the known human nations, and all those who worship beneath the church of Canon.

My siblings who may still be living.

 

And, to my nephew.

 

If this letter has been formally published then it should be believed immediately that I am dead. I have declined to do such for in my days I admit I have been a cowardly man, though in this act as I am no longer living I find no fear in speaking my mind nor revealing my past.

I care not for how this letter tarnishes my image, though I ask you to treat me as a mortal descendant, and with the same respect and dignity you would any other man. In that said, I ask those reading my letter to look kindly upon those I leave behind. In my rapid absence the house of von Alstreim ought not to suffer if my words are viewed with scorn. My nephew Ottomar is a strong willed man, a good leader and wise beyond his age. Should my next words be found unpleasant I expect you to know not a single member of my house has known a thing until the publishing of this very letter. Treat them with simple respect and dignity, my elders and my youngers, as they are in every way strong despite your view of myself. 

 

I am an old man as I write this. I am aware I do not have much time, and as I see my days grow shorter yet I have begun to hardly care for my image. Publishing this upon my death may be a cowardly thing, but perhaps such an event will make those who read more inclined to listen.

 

I was raised upon the outskirts of the Savoyard lands, a canonist. I went to church and attended mass; studied beneath a minister for I was always intent on learning about and devoting myself to God. Despite my dedication, I found that the path of acolyte in itself did not call to me as I had hoped. I have instead chosen upon the path of a scholar, and have buried my days into texts of other subjects

 

I mention this only so that you do not think me a fool. If I knew nothing of the Canon nor scripture it would be quite simple to dismiss my words, but I am not so ignorant nor foreign to the culture of my homeland.

 

Despite my study of scripture, I continue to find frustration in my own existence. It has seemed that despite my young virtue and my unyielding love for GOD and his word, I remain indirectly chastised by men and women alike. I have read papers and articles and heard spoken in word of distaste for people like myself, and a distinction and demand that in some way my actions defy GOD's word. You can imagine that as a virtuous child, this assertion would become quickly unpleasant.

 

If you are beginning to wonder of what I speak of, it is imperative that I remind you to not direct my words upon those beneath my name. If I am to be disowned upon death, I will accept such, but do NOT take your vision of me and place it on their shoulders.

 

That spoken, I must state now that I am what you would call a homosexual. It is not often such things are spoken aloud, nor in such a way but I am a scholar and the words must be spoken.

 

I would like to speak on this differently. Read my words as though you know nothing but the simple definition of the name.

 

In my many experiences the express distaste for those of my disposition is unsettling. I assume now that if Ottomar has read this far, he does so either in laughter or perhaps in tears. Despite what I have heard from passing speech, it is unclear to me in my own reading of scripture where an established gender has been defined in marriage. It seems, in my experiences that the interpretation of the homosex is nothing more than a choice, and a depiction that such choice is made in lust and an acceptance of sin. I find this assumption insulting.

 

There is no decision in the establishment. I find it appalling that I or many others would have been born in this condition were it not meant to be, and yet I have found myself deteriorating in a hidden and unspoken silence. If we truly wish to embody virtue, then defying those of my own nature will only drive individuals towards sin. It is impossible to reflect the values of Horen and Julia if a pair cannot be holily bound, and they cannot be bound if we chastise their very existence. 

 

I have found this continually frustrating and appalling, especially as I recognize there is only so far I may go in the seven skies. For those of my disposition there is a hard and fast end to worship, one that has been defined by man and not by scripture. No matter my dedication.

 

There must be some sort of change. I am not as well written as a cardinal may be, so I ask that those of the church who may be already scorning my letter look for me. Find within the holy texts what is so wrong about my nature, and why it must be so despised? I know many a scholar has written on such a topic yet nothing has seemed to come of it. If there is a way to keep others of my likeness from suffering as I have, I ask that you find it and define it clearly for those in worship to read. 

 

If you have made it this far and you are like I, and you are so brave- I ask that you join my letter in this expression. Many a being of conscience has derived reason for why we must not be permitted, though I have yet to find a reason that applies to all and is of validity. We are not a decision, and we are a populace that must be properly seen. Add upon my letter or write one of your own, so the world may properly see we are not one in a sea of thousands. Perhaps if there are enough of us, we will be properly heard by the heads that matter.

 

If you are one of holy disposition or higher member of the church, I invite you to answer- though only in such a manner as to discuss the topic. I find no validity in an aggressive and unsupported response, though I respect your words it will do nothing to help those I speak for.

 

It is a shame I will not get to read such letters, as I am no longer living upon publishing of this text though I do hope some good will come of this. Perhaps those of further generations will be able to live in tandem with worship, as I once wished I could. I hope there will be no further need to hide.

 

Amor etiam in morte, 

virtus etiam in ignavia

 

Hans Lorenz von Alstreim



@Tigergiri @Ramon @LithiumSedai @Fireheart @ScoutTheWitch


 

Spoiler

Please be kind OOCly <3

I love you all an it was a pleasure to be an Alstreim. Sorry to go out with such a political whammy. I hope only good comes from this post and that it might mean something better for the community.

<3 much love, from Lapidary

 

[Tigergiri 3073]

A silky ebony head would halt in her image, the gates opening, and there she beheld a face that looked nothing like she remembered. Her precious little baby, the youngest of her line's boys. Her brows curled up and her arms opened, revealing a soft sympathetic expression. "It requires a great deal of bravery, my son, to compose what you've written. And with mortality comes the value of such sentiments... but first, I require a hug because you kept your poor mutter waiting far too long. I'd like to learn more about the life you led."