Come, Sweet Death

[ichigomaster98 643]

Spoiler

(A shelf post, not a PK post. Boots is far too angry to die.)

Come, sweet death.

 

---

 

 

I know, I know I’ve let you down. I’ve been a fool to myself. I thought that I could live for no one else.

 

On the 120th year Boots Anarórë begrudgingly, and finally, accepts something he refused to ever fully accept his entire life. He needs others, but he will always let others down. No matter of perfection in any talent or skill, no matter how complete his control of the world directly around himself. In his seemingly emotionless perfection he will never learn that one thing that ultimately mattered most, how to be loved by others.

 

But now, through all the hurt and pain, it’s time for me to respect, the ones I love mean more than anything.

 

Boots’ life has been a near constant procession of bleak and bitter hardship save for a few, agonizingly brief, blissful years. That pithy period of his life was sufficient to break his meticulously constructed armor irreparably. A mortal wound from which he will never recover.

 

So with sadness in my heart, I feel the best thing I could do, is end it all and leave forever.

 

So it is in this 120th year of his life that Boots decides it is time to depart. To leave this world and return to his home. Home. The home he left for there was no home left. Only now the irony dawns that his life has been a cycle of watching his hardfought home crumble from corruption and betrayal, only to leave and start it anew. Perhaps this time, with any merciful grace of fate, might he finally end the cycle.

 

What’s done is done, it feels so bad. What once was happy now is sad. I’ll never love again, my world is ending.

 

The only purpose cheerful memories serve is to highlight the misery of everything else. For having loved once, Boots will never love again. The world Boots lived in is over, and it ended a long time ago, it just took seemingly forever to accept. Though he doesn’t leave Nyrheim alone, his companion will never match the one he lost, through no fault of her own. Even now, it seems Boots only exists to make those around him heartbroken.

 

I wish that I could turn back time, ‘cause now the guilt is all mine, can’t live without the trust from those you love. I know we can’t forget the past, you can’t forget love and pride, because of that it’s killing me inside.

 

Despite his best efforts Boots never found a way to turn back time, or any other process to erase the stain of love from his soul, and the crushing weight of his failure grinds his soul like wheat in a mill. For all his efforts Boots will never be able to forget love, his most bitter enemy, the only one he was never able to overcome, the adversary that will truly be his eventual cause of death.

 

It all returns to nothing. It all comes tumbling down, tumbling down, tumbling down.

It all returns to nothing. I just keep letting me down, letting me down, letting me down.

 

As he has witnessed many times before, it all ends eventually. No matter of deed or accomplishment, contingency plan or preparation of eventualities will ever stop it all from ending, and in the end does it all return to nothing. Not only did he let down everyone else, he also let himself down. He was a failure both outwards and inwards in his inability to prevent it from all crumbling.

 

In my heart of hearts I know that I could never love again.

I've lost everything, everything, everything that matters to me, matters in this world.

 

Goodbye, Nyrheim. Goodbye friends and family, those that still live. Goodbye joy. Goodbye hope. How he wishes he could say goodbye to the bad, and not just the good.

 

It all returns to nothing.

It just keeps tumbling down, tumbling down, tumbling down.

It all returns to nothing.

I just keep letting me down, letting me down, letting me down.

 

Letters:

 

To Io:

Spoiler

I leave everything that is rightfully yours to you.

 

To Eilika:

Spoiler

You have given me much more than I could ever give you. No matter where I go you are welcome, and I will keep a bed open for you.

 

To Vunlea:

Spoiler

Though we are not related by blood I consider you my daughter. I am not abandoning you as your blood parents have, I leave you in the company of your own blood. I can think of nothing else to give you than that, a family. I know you will find a husband of your own one day, you have many years left to find one. When you do find him, treat him well.

 

To Jon:

Spoiler

Your fate is your own. You never would have settled for it any other way. I consider you my son, but you are not my blood. Your mother died in a raid against the Raenrland tribals as a result of a will’o potion thrown by Asmund Camian. Your father was last seen in a Varhelm cell. You were so excited when you were young to fling fish, to make them experience the sky. Much like a fish out of water, you likely had to return to your proper home. I hope that wherever you are that you are happy.

 

To Inga:

Spoiler

I am sorry.

 

To Estel:

Spoiler

There are too many words to write. I am sure you know how I feel, it is likely similar to the way you do. If only our lives had been a little kinder.

 

To Vane:

Spoiler

Despite the outcome your encouragement was still instrumental in me achieving the only happiness I have ever known. Of all the monarchs I have met, you are the one I respect most.

 

To Kera:

Spoiler

I hope your homeland is free. I hope your roses are flourishing. I will take one with me, the thorns still attached.

 

To Primrose:

Spoiler

I keep my promises. Even now, when death is the only thing I can look forward to. This pain I endure is in service to my promise to you, I expect you to keep your half of it.

 

To Raijen Stars:

Spoiler

Though you may have never been fully accepted by them, you are the best of the Haensers. Your nobility is above titles. I hope you continue to be a guiding star of morality for the Haensers in their time of corruption. Maybe one day we will be neighbors again.

 

To Zodd Calliban:

Spoiler

I wish you luck in your marriage. You are perhaps one of the very few who will have lived longer than me, and I consider that a good thing. I hope my great descendants get to use weapons made by you.

 

To Paheti Heng:

Spoiler

In another place, in another time. The sunflower was greater than the rose, but I only see it now. It seems none of us got what we wanted, but I hope you are content with how things went.

 

To Handil Arazorwyn:

Spoiler

That time in Elysium I planned to kill you. My knife was ready, and so was I. I did not, however, as I hope you remember more of yourself. I hope what you remember is good.

 

To Kosher:

Spoiler

We have never had long conversations, and I will not start now. I wish you luck in your endeavors. I hope that you will continue to consider my family as yours.

 

To Elliphas:

Spoiler

I hope you are well, and continue to treat the Anarórës well.

 

To Duncan:

Spoiler

It is alright you didn’t come to my wedding, I nearly didn’t myself. Besides, it was not the happiest of marriages. I believe we are even for that time in Providence.

 

To Kane Redfist:

Spoiler

I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I accepted your offer in Rozania. ‘Boots Redfist’ doesn’t sound terrible. Maybe it would have been for the best, but all it can be now is a maybe.

 

To Lee Sun:

Spoiler

Even if the Haensers don’t remember and are only a shadow of themselves now we still did good to offer to help. I wish you luck in finding something strong enough to give you peace as well.

 

To Orin:

Spoiler

I hope you overcome your demons.

 

To Ellenore:

Spoiler

Keep in mind the book. There is much darkness that hides from light, though not every shadow conceals a monster to be slain.

 

To Alara:

Spoiler

You will be fine as you always have. Never stray from your morality.

 

To Faelar:

Spoiler

I hope you speak more.

 

To Sygnus Aroiia Drakon:

Spoiler

You might not have been a goddess, but I am still not fully convinced you are not.

 

To Scatha Drakon:

Spoiler

I hope you continue to guard the people of Dunrath and teach new generations to defend themselves.

 

To Brynic Wildmuse:

Spoiler

I hope you are no longer afraid of caves.

 

To Nikolai Rosik:

Spoiler

My Grenzstadt horses are descendants of your horses. They have served me and many other Norlanders well. Perhaps the best business deal I have made.

 

To Billy:

Spoiler

I leave not on a boat of bread, but a boat of carrot. What a strange turn of events. It’s time for me to pick up my roots and leaf, I carrot stay any longer. Orange you glad I didn’t say potato.

 

To Oijin:

Spoiler

Though it was never needed, your offer to make auric oil is still appreciated all these years later. I keep a bottle of will’o made by you for good luck, though I haven’t had to use it yet, which I suspect means it is working as intended. As long as you live, so do the best parts of the Lectors.

 

To Scoria:

Spoiler

Carrot boat fish stew.

 

To descendants of Esmee Rubens:

Spoiler

Esmee Rubens is the only female who could possibly match me for physical strength, but our marriages went similarly. I wish you strength beyond just physical.

 

To Ailis and Marta Sutharlainn:

Spoiler

I leave my polar raccoon to the Sutharlainns, take care of it. I leave Grenzstadt to my descendant most worthy of it. You will be alright.

 

To Ciaran and Lissa Vildr:

Spoiler

Somehow you are still alive. There is little to be gained in selfless service, there is much to be lost in selfish greed.

 

To Edyth and her daughters:

Spoiler

I hope the carrots serve you well. I hope Alva continues in her studies and keeps alive the memory of Inga. I hope Rosalind continues to try.

 

To Celeste’Tol Blackroot:

Spoiler

I take some of the seeds with me, and I leave some with my descendants. I hope my descendants continue to pull you out of the fire as I have.

 

To Faye Kervallen:

Spoiler

I am sorry I could not save you.

 

To Watanabe Akemi:

Spoiler

I hope to taste your cooking again some day. It certainly left its mark in my memory.

 

To Karl von Theonus:

Spoiler

I am surprised you remembered me. I hope the horse serves you better than it served the Adrians, it is in better hands now at least. I hope you also remember my descendants.

 

To Renne Fester:

Spoiler

I hope you found where you were going.

 

To Aedan Faretto:

Spoiler

I hope you are killing darkspawn and having fun. The barrel court continues in your absence, awaiting your return.

 

To the Iekamis:

Spoiler

I hope your bloodline lasts, it started well.

 

To the Anarórës:

Spoiler

I leave my spot of chieftaincy to whichever of my descendants is most capable.

 

To the Ludovars:

Spoiler

Johann, Pyotr, and later Johanna, have earned your family a special respect in my eyes. My descendants will continue to aid you if you will do the same for them.

 

To the Rurics:

Spoiler

My descendants will continue to protect Norland as I have for as long as it is worthy of doing so. Do not let Norland devolve as all the other nations have.

 

To Freimark Barclays:

Spoiler

My descendants will train with you.

 

To my sparrows, rats, horses, and crow:

Spoiler

I take Jebediah with me. I leave the rest of you to watch over my descendants, they will take care of you.

 

To My Wife:

Spoiler

My soul will always be yours alone, regardless of the distance. Even now I uphold my most precious and sacred vows. We will one day meet again.

 

[Gaea_Foundation 581]

Quietly, Variel boarded the boat that had been made for the voyage. She had gathered what she would need for the trip and the destination in mind. She did not know what awaited her, save for the brief details Boots had shared with her, yet she smiled softly, oddly... excited for this journey abroad. She did not when or if she'd come back. But she didn't really mind either.

[EmiliainWonderland 1526]

Blanca frowned at the news, knowing now she'd never meet Io's grandfather.