Todd's Terranean Troubles

[ichigomaster98 634]

 

Todd’s Terranean Troubles

 

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Todd was a very ordinary frog cultist. Well, as ordinary as any self-respecting frog cultist could be. Todd had ventured far across the lands to the edge of the barren Northern snow deserts, as if called by an unknown force. He would soon come to find this mysterious force being emitted by a beautiful frog statue deep beneath the Norlandic fortress city of Vjardengrad, er, Vansk? Todd wasn’t quite sure what the name of the city was, but he was certain that this frog idol was important, and it was up to him to figure out why, as any good frog cultist would.

 

As Todd gazed and gawked at the alluring amphibious array he didn’t get much done. It wasn’t entirely his fault, surely. It was the statue’s fault! Yes, that’s it. It was the froggy formation’s formidable force! Very soon however other frog brethren would assemble to observe the gently humming frog statue that was so deep beneath the city, past the dangerous sewers full of goblins and giant spiders and ghastly ghouls and giant minotaurs and greedy, gaunt dwarf. On reflection it was surprisingly easy to get down to the statue’s sanctuary, surely another blessing of the great frog god.

 

Reveling in rapturous respect for the great frog would not last long however as the rebellious revenging rapscallions of the Red Cloaks would rupture a wall, revealing Todd and his froggy friends. That was one of the many strange things to Todd, why were they called ‘Red Cloaks’ when they didn’t wear cloaks of red. Whatever. Those bastards beat him (for absolutely no reason whatsoever) and broke the beautiful frog god’s great croaking by feeding it bread! It seemed to like that. Why didn’t he think of that? Surely he had much to learn as a frog cultist to appease the great froggy one.

 

After being left tied up by those pesty, simpleminded, shiny city guards Todd was left laying on the floor at the flippery feet of His fearsome frogness. He was quite fine with this at first, not sure why the blonde one had complained so much. Then he began to become hungry. “Hello?! Yo ho! Where’d you all go!” he called to the dark. He heard no response. “Never fear, Todd dear! It is quite clear where I must steer!” he encouraged himself, wiggling like a worm. A glance up to the great frog made him feel quite silly. Here he was! A perfectly good frog cultist! Reduced to being a worm! For shame! He should be eating worms, not being worms, but what could he do? If he struggled too much surely he would fall into the water, and he wasn’t quite sure how amphibious he really was. If he struggled too much in the other direction he’d be stuck and in pitch blackness. “Oh dear, I’m rather frogged here. If only I could reach a friendly ear!”

 

Todd began to count the bricks in the wall. When he ran out of bricks he began to count rocks. When he ran out of rocks he began to count the times his stomach would grumble in hunger. Then he would repeat his process of counting. Wait a moment. Was that mug always there? Oh great, now he was stuck and going insane. One moment he was beginning to imagine a nice mug of frog grog, and the next he would start to lose all grip on reality. And now the mug was moving! Not very much, or very fast, but it definitely was moving. Todd could tell because it had passed pebble #1,034 and was now closer to pebble #971. Even his imagination wasn’t taking him seriously, truly Todd was hitting new lows in this new low cavern. Did… did that mug have a tongue? Todd only blinked a moment but he could have swore he saw something move. Was it a cave slug? A delicious worm? Now that the mug had passed pebble #524 he could see its details much clearer. It looked… wrong. As if someone had scribbled a mug from memory. No, not even from memory, someone had described what a mug looks like to a drunken baby baboon and then placed it in this dank, dark dungeon during Todd’s delirious daydreaming! “Come here so I can drink you! Wait, no, shoo! Oh, I have no clue! Do what you will do!”

 

No sooner had Todd said those fateful words than did the mug lunge at him! With a very, ahem, manly and froggly scream Todd began to sob even faster than the mug pouncing at him. In his fit of fright Todd wiggled as any good frog cultist turned worm would! Pitifully, and fitfully! Just narrowly did the mug miss his nose in his squirming. “I’m not hungry anymore! Please exit through the door!” was all he could shriek before he watched the mug turn into some sort of horrific bug, with each band of the barrel mug turning into a horrible hand and the mouth of the mug, well, becoming a mouth. Todd had heard of these creatures before! Okay, well, he hadn’t, but it made him feel better to imagine he had.

 

The mug lunged again, but Todd’s eyes were too full of tears for him to see it this time. Luckily his tears had wet the slippery stones beneath! Aha! All according to plan! Okay, well, it wasn’t, but it made him feel much better to imagine it was. The mimic mug missed mightily, mangling manhandled manchettes merrily applied by merciless guardsmen. In other words, Todd’s hands were free! “Have at thee! Your end is with me! Fiend!” Todd shouted at the mug, reaching out to grab the little monster. Todd began to scream as he first attempted to crush the mug between his hands, then finding no success he tried to pull it apart, his hands each on one of the many arms the mug had sprouted. “Grrrrraaaaaaahhh-ha!” Pop! “Aha!” Todd exclaimed as the arms were ripped like, well, like ripping arms off of a mug.

 

The mug released a terrible little screech itself as it ran off, having been bested and spending an arm and a leg-arm in the attempt. “That is right! Run in fright! Enjoy your plight!” Todd called after the little bastard. Todd decided its name was Farian, or maybe Grimm. It was then Todd realized his arms were free, and he was now armed with arms. Todd rolled over, looking up to the frog god statue with his prizes still in hand. Todd realized he had won the fight because his truly merciful and great frog god had bid him to survive so he could hop along, spreading the word of frog god as any good frog cultist should. Todd began to cry again, not the salty tears of desperation and fear, but the sweet tears of success and service to a being greater than him. As his gaze returned to the mimic’s arms he knew what he had to do. He opened his mouth as big as he possibly could, and he placed both arms entirely into his mouth, just as any frog would. They tasted terribly disgusting.

 

Todd finished freeing himself, stood, blew a kiss to the frog statue, and wandered out of the cavern. Past the goblins and giant spiders and ghastly ghouls and giant minotaurs and the greedy, gaunt dwarf Todd went, climbing up a ladder to a great grate. It wouldn’t budge. He gave it a good shake, and it still wouldn’t budge. He even headbutted the grate, but the only thing that gave way was his will to try that again. He could tell daytime was coming in the city above, as it was subtly becoming brighter through the grate. Just as soon as he began to give up hope he saw a tuft of orange hair appear, and the grate pried open with a great force.

 

“Hooray! What a day! I am free, yay!” Todd cheered.

 

“Free? Well, I suppose you are free from the sewers, but you owe me a favor now.” came the response from the orange-haired being.

 

“I owe you a task? I did not ask!” Todd argued.

 

Todd was halfway towards being shoved back down into the sewers when he finally relented. “Fine! I owe you this time!” he acquiesced.

 

“Okay! Don’t die.” was all the orange creature said as it replaced the grate and wandered off.

 

“I hate Snoreland. Boreland. What a chore–land. I do not adore-land.” Todd complained to himself as he hopped along Southwards, as he had heard previously there was another statue very similar to the one in the deeps, and he had heard it was named Thomas. Or John. Jhomas. Tohn. Something. All Todd knew was that it was a frog-eat-frog kinda world, and he was feeling kinda froggy.

Edited October 13, 2023 by ichigomaster98