A Hallfing's Guide To Cooking

[Kaiser 2347]

I Guide To Hobbit Cookings And The Like

 

 

This guide, written by Lenfarthing's very own Richard W., shall help those who do not know how to properly cook normal Halfling foods and the like. Some things to note for any non-Hallfings readying this guide on cooking.

 

-All ingredients will be those used in the Hallfing culture. You can all suck eggs if you don't have them near you.

 

-This guide will be using the Halfling's own measurement of food, this being 'Too Much' and 'Not Enough'. 

 

-All cuisines inside this guide are Halfling's own cultural foods, thus, no one else can make them as good. If you do make these foods as good, or better, we are not liable to any hangings/shovel beatings/Banishments/poop throwing/insults/more shovel beatings/fines/jail time/torture-by-shovel/drownings/suicidal-thoughts-or-actions/racism/and general hate you may have/be given due to this guide.

 

-Finally, any foods eaten by pumpkin-haters will taste like dirt

 

Salmon Dinner

 

The simple Salmon Dinner is one very common in burrow's any spring night. You will need...

-A Salmon (Hopefully your fat arse can catch a good size)

-A Cabbage

-Some carrots

-Your choice of spice (Recommended Halfling or Elvish spices)

 

Let us begin. Firstly, whack your salmon until dead. Now, take the salmon you have got, and put it on a stick - putting the stick over a fire. Wait until fish looks dark or is hot as the Nether. While fish is cooking, cut Cabbage and Carrots into a small bowl. Now, wait until fish is cooked/cooled. Add your spices over the Salmon, adding the Cabbage and Carrot salad over the fish freshly. Your meal is now ready. 

 

Pie

 

The Pie (being either Apple,  Blueberry, or Banana) is a great treat for all ages of Halflings. You'll need...

-Fruit of your choice (Apple, Blueberry, Banana)

-Dough

-Acorn shavings

 

First step, you call mold the Dough into a bowl-like shape. It is recommended making the biggest possible. Now take the fruit of your choice, and mash them in a bowl. Make sure not to mash them too much, or your Pie will be simply bread filled with fruit sauce. Once done, set the fruit-mush into the Dough bowl, adding in the acorn shavings, and stir. Close the bowl once done, and pop it into a furnace. Wait until hot as lava or the smell is too good to resist. Let cool for 5 minutes to 5 days, depending on heat.  

 

Basic Ale (Not Hollyfrost blend)

 

Ale is a joyful drink for anyone, anywhere, at any time. Although not as good as actually Halfling ale, this do-it-yourself ale is good enough... You'll need

-A Barrel

-Wheat

-shrooms

-Pure water

 

Let us begin with the Barrel and pure water. It is needed that the water be pure, or the ale will be too sickening to drink! Obviously, drop the water into the barrel. Ground up wheat until it is nothing but  a powder-like substance. Dump this powder into the barrel, adding shrooms for good measure. Wait 2 weeks until opening.

 

Cooked Chicken w/Egg

 

Chicken are the most tasty of meats in all of the Farthings, and very plentiful as well! Follwing ingredients needed...

-Chicken (Fat Sized)

-Eggs (Number of your choosing)

-Your choice of vegetable

-Cheese (Recommended Hallfing Yellow-Cheese)

-Butter 

-Chocolate cinnamon

 

Firstly, place a frying pan above your open fire, or furnace. Carefully (and by that I mean whack with your shovel) the egg(s), dropping them into the pan. If desired more crunchy eggs, smash and add egg shell. Now, drop your chicken into warm water, and let sit for a minute, or more if wanted. Take the chicken out and roast it over a fire,, the water is just for sh*ts and giggles, not really needed. While roasting, add cinnamon over your chicken, this adds a nice sweet flavor. Going back to the eggs, add in the cheese! Cheese is a great food for the eggs, without, the eggs will simply taste like your failure.

-Do not forget to flip eggs-

Once your chicken is a wonderful gold color, or is as hot as the Hallfing Women on the weekends, remove from fire. Same is allowed with eggs, or until eggs are no longer runny. Add butter and vegetables to your chicken, and a meal is ready for breakfast!

 

Pumpkin Chow

 

The greatest of all chows maid from pumpkin! Needed ingredients...

-A Pumpkin

-Suger

-Small amount of water

-A potato

 

You'll start by sternly beating the pumpkin. sternly beat the pumpkin, if you beat it angrily or sadly, the pumpkin will not respect you as a cooking-father, and taste terrible. Put the sternly-beaten pumpkin remains into a bowl, and add sugar and water. Now, mash the potato (it is not advised to beat the potato angrily, either), and adding to the bowl. Put over fire, or in oven for a long time, until hot as the sun. Chow down!

 

Flesh of Traitors

-Withheld-

 

Piggy-Bacon

 

Easy forwards! You'll need...

-A Pig

-Grease

 

Begin by killing the pig. Take a sharp shovel, and slowly skin the pig. Put skin on frying pan over fire/furnace. Pour grease into the pan, and let the bacon fry. Wait until smelling good, and eat!

 

All-Fruit-Water

 

All-Fruit-Water is a bright drink for hot summer days, and healthy for anyone! Needed items...

-Ice (know can be used, but not as good)

-A Rainbow fish's scale

-Apple

-Orange

-Pineapple (Some Humie fruit...)

-Grapes

-Peach (another Humie food)

-Lemon (used for topping, not for mushing)

-cherrys (optional)

-Pure Water

 

Begin by taking all the fruits, and removing the skins and/or other uneatable pieces (Cherry pit, apple core, etc.) Slice the fruit carefully, and add them into a bowl. Mash these foods until only a disgusting mush of what was once "fruit", than mush even more. Drain the juice into a small cup/mug/glass, adding in your pure water and ice. Stir until looking good, and adding the Fish Scale and lemon wedge for a nice look!

 

Shroom l'orange

This is a wonderful 'fancy' food for a nice date, or just a romantic diner with the wife. Needed are...

-Shrooms (Red, purple, green, and brown, no blue)

-An orange

-Pig or cow meats.

-Bread (freshly baked)

 

Start you meal by removing the stems of the shrooms, and don't throw them away! Now, cut the bread into a bowl-like shape. place pig (or cow) meat over fire, and direct your attention to the orange. Peel the orange, and dunk it under cold water for cleaning (yes, cleaning- this meal needs to not have dirt in it). Cut the peeled orange into extremely small pieces! If done, remove the meats, cutting them, like the orange, very small. It is advised you use only a small amount of meat, and more orange than anything. Repeat with shroom's stems. Add the meats, orange, and shroom stems to the bread-bowl, topping it off with the shrooms themselves. 

 

Shroom Cakes

-coming as soon as I find out how to make them-

 

Fumble-Pie-Delux

We're not exactly sure how to make this. You need ants, and mud, and weird fish....

 

We recommend you just pretend to eat Fumble's foods and don't actually touch them.

[dude 230]

Nasty little hobbitses and their mealses.

 

But in all seriousness, great guide!

[Kaiser 2347]

Nasty little hobbitses and their mealses.

 

But in all seriousness, great guide!

thank you, I'll try getting those last little ones out tomorrow if time permits

[Matt011011 166]

"Oi! Richard, ye forgo' meh famous Shroomcake!

[Kaiser 2347]

"Oi! Richard, ye forgo' meh famous Shroomcake!

 

"I'll add 'em, I'll add 'em!"

[Valon (Yokey) 168]

((Brilliant cooking guide, I'd actually pondered why we don't have a recipe book.))

[Heff 2460]

Fumble runs up and yells,

 

 

"ADD ME OL' ANT CAKE! YA JUS' FIN' SOME ANTS, SOME KALAMARY, AND PUT IT IN A CAKE!"

[Moot 1719]

Moved to the Great Library. It shall be sorted into appropriate category shortly.