New Players Analytic: January/February Edition
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Yeah, I put all of her things right on the curb!
Bitch getting just what she really deserves!
She say that but you can't trust a word~
Won't be last, so guess that makes me first!
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Somewhere a figure observes her collection of newspapers or the words of criers.
"The city is destroyed! 10,000 undeath have taken it over!"
"A dragon has devoured all the cattle!"
"There is a portal to hell in my garden!"
"The Empire is in imminent civil war!"
"A huge Crusade is occuring!"
A look outside of the premises, everything is normal and the usual nothingburger, accompanied by the sound of crickets
"Are they feeding me the right news?"
Finally then, a tinfoil hat was placed firmly over the head
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To His Imperial Majesty,
A strange figure has taken to the streets since the Tiber Insurgency was put down. A strange Li-Ren garbed in orange robes has been heralding the anti-apocalypse. In fact, he says nothing shall ever happen, and a return to the Times of Shaaun is near. It is a terrible omen, one that might be corrected if you do just one thing.Let things happen. Prove the Guru wrong. If not, the Empire will be doomed, and it shall be devoured from within by the sycophants who currently seek to maintain the status quo.
Sincerely,
Your Advisor,
Renaldo A. Derfey
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