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3rd ALTAR UND THRON

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Altar und Thron

3rd Edition, 1742

 

The greatest Hanseti publication enlightening our godly Patriots and contemporaries, wherever they might be. In every edition of ‘Altar und Thron’, we shed a divine light on the affairs of the Empire and the lifestyle of the pious man. Im Names Gottes.

 

PRINCESS’ LOVER DIES IN DUEL 

WILHEIM BARCLAY CONSIDERED MASCULINE ONCE MORE

 

What otherwise would’ve been a normal morning of training for the Brotherhood of Saint Karl ended up in a tragedy for Princess Adryana Eleanor when her hidden lover, August, called the Lord-Marshal a gorilla in front of the Haenseni queen and Brotherhood servicemembers.

 

Ser Wilheim, lacking the intelligence for dialogue or using his authority to intimidate random citizens, challenged August to a duel. Despite August being a man of high standing, the duel proceeded with a decisive victory for the Lord-Marshal. He used this victory to remove Augusts’ tongue, prompting a widespread controversy in Reza.

 

“Removing tongues is Haenseni tradition as much as duelling itself!” Petyr Jezikovic, a professor on Haenseni tradition at the Helena University of Applied Sciences, told Altar und Thron. “It is quite common for leading figures to influence culture. The queen of Hanseti-Ruska, for example, often classifies random words as slander and follows that with a threat to cut out someone’s tongue. Inevitable that contemporaries such as the Lord-Marshal picks up on that”. 

 

“Can you blame the guy? I mean, everybody is saying they are going to cut each other’s tongues off” a bartender commented under condition of anonymity, scratching his ginger beard. “Maybe the government shouldn’t normalize tongue cutting so much in the first place! Ser Wilheim merely follows the trends that are popular. Most young people do, don’t they?”

 

Though not everybody agrees. Altar und Thron asked a bunch of hooded royalty & government officials throwing daggers at a portrait of Ser Wilheim behind the palace what they thought: “It’s not about him cutting a tongue, it is about sending a message.” a soft, whiny female voice stated while missing her throw “an indirect message, that subtly insults Wilheim while also leaving enough space for me to have plausible deniability and claim innocence”.  Another female hooded figure was simply screaming at the portrait of Wilheim for a full twenty minutes, which we unfortunately couldn’t interview.  “When we drag him to trial over a perfectly legal duel and then conspire to force his resignation.. The look on his face will be EPIC! Ha.. haha..” a hooded man stated, carefully looking behind his shoulder to avoid detection from patrolling Brotherhood members. 

 

The future of Ser Wilheim in the Haenseni government is unclear, as his services are needed in the war-effort against Morsgrad. It is reported by sources within the Constabulary that the trial, if it will even take place, will not have significant consequences for Ser Wilheim.

 

NEW RESEARCH SHOCKS THE HUMAN SCIENTIFIC COMMUNITY

THE HELENA UNIVERSITY OF APPLIED SCIENCES SCRAMBLES FOR ANSWERS

 

The hundred of thousands of students going to the bustling HUAS campus this morning were confronted by a collapsing and totally existing education framework in the realm of Arcas, as literal smoke appeared from the Biology & Humanities wing. The reason for all this ruckus: multiple Suffonian corpses collected from the battlefield were found to have no spine in the back of their bodies.

 

“I'm truly bewildered.” Professor Dr. Otto Cesaretsiz, esq and HUAS Alumni commented to Altar und Thron “For centuries have scholars studied the skeletons of the deceased, only to find very similar results each time. This finding shakes our perception of race, human biology and the purpose of our skeleton.”

 

In anticipation of future shockwaves surrounding this research, the HUAS Committee of Literature has withdrew all textbooks showing pictures of humans with spines, stating that it is no longer a given fact this day and age in the realm of Arcas. Dr. Jasper II Peugeot, esq, chairman of this committee, allegedly told Students barred from entering the Biology wing that he was, quote: ‘scared of subpoenas regarding slander from random citizens’. 

 

Professor Dr. Otto Cesaretsiz, esq is tipped to chair a new committee that will identify, collect and study all Suffonian corpses after the imminent attack on Reza. “We are only speaking of a few corpses as of now, as Suffonians aren't commonplace in any rally in particular. We hope for bigger numbers in the future battle of Reza, so that we use a larger pool of data to back up our current hypothesis, namely that Suffonians are born spineless.” The Committee is expected to publish all its findings in a future addition to the curriculum called ‘Humans and Suffonians: a comprehensive study on why they're no longer the same’. 

 

MORSGRAD TO INVADE: WILL THEY WIN?

POPULATION WEIGHS IN AS BROTHERHOOD BRACES FOR CONFLICT

 

It is expected that Morsgradian troops, accompanied by bands of AIS soldiers, men and Suffonians, is soon to reach the walls of new Reza. What are the expectations of the common man, as most will wield a blade in the conflict to come? 

 

“I am frightened by the Suffonias, to be honest.” a Brotherhood soldier stated, clutching tightly to his blade “Have you ever been to Warwick? You don’t see anyone anywhere, their stealth skills are amazing!”  when we asked whether he expects a victory, the soldier responded “Ohh of course, their entire war effort is falling apart already! Duke Godric suddenly disappeared, Curon betrayed its initial betrayal and the Blackhill cavalry will aid us! The war should go perfect, unless I get backstabbed by an invisible Suffonian.” Another citizen who was stabbing random bandits on the road replied: “They are lead by a Duchess, they lose per definition”.  

 

When Ser Konrad Stafyr, head of the Anti-Elven Interference task force, was asked whether Elfische Banken were funding the Morsgrad army, he allegedly responded: “We can prove without a doubt that a large international cabal of Elfische bankers, merchants and bandits are filling up the Morsgradian war coffers. It is shameful, but we have no resources to divert to the persecution of these pointy troublemakers”. 

 

Would this affect our chance of victory? Armiger Jacques de Beaumont thinks otherwise “Since when did we take Elves seriously? Oren always wins, even if it loses. I will be able to sleep soundly tonight, and I hope my fellow single Brotherhood servicemen will be able to do the same.”

 

The entire editorial team of ALTAR UND THRON LTD. prays for the success of our diligent soldiers and for a decisive victory during the Siege of Reza. Make sure you enlist and fight for your motherland! You are not only fighting for your family and yourself, but also for your fellow citizens!

 

 

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Konstantin pondered the paper. “If the Suffonians have no spines, that would certainly aid their stealth skills,” he mused.

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Jacques would read the paper finding the news about his Lord Marshal the most idiotic saying with a chuckle "I was always told not to anger Lord Barclay" 

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A Haeseni scientist, upon reading the research would raise his eyebrows, looking yonder towards his wife in a most avid vision of shock. A couple of hours later, the entire family would be feeling their backs, for the purpose of scientific investigation, yet they do not seem to possess a lack of a spine. Upon discovering this, a letter is drafted for Professor Dr. Cesaretsiz.

"Upon careful examination of the skeletal structures of the Ruthern family, as well as the average Haeseni, it is our speculation that those who are of true Highlander blood have developed spines in their evolutionary period, due to external factors outweighing the benefit of not having a spinal structure. Based on archeological data from the Barbanov crypt, it is our theory that those of Suffonian descent are of a more separate, diluted cousins of the average human. This new set of data shall provide a revolutionary englightement in the study of skeletal structures."

The letter would be signed under Dr. Khristian Hles

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Ivan would read it and would roll on the floor laughing when he reads about the "Free tongue removal service" that Wilheim has given

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(ooc: Mi Likey the tongu part) 

Edited by Mykei

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*Whilst reading it a large grin spread across his face whilst chuckling saying* “Nice”

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Odoaker Drakaene reads through the Haeseni publication, gasping at every other line!

 

“Cutting tongues?! Almost as barbaric as being a princess’ hidden lover!”

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