The Pumpkin Press Vol 2: Protest in Helena!

[NotEvilAtAll 10906]

Spoiler

 

[!] A newspaper is spread across Brandybrook

The Pumpkin Press!

~The quality news that the people of Brandybrook DESERVE!~

Table of Contents:

~Pumpkin Protest against Helena!~

~Benedict’s Brews to Re-open!~

~Secret Thain Cloning Machine???~

 

Pumpkin Protest against Helena!

~Halfling protesters assemble in Helena!~

Our march against Helena for their INJUSTICE and CRUELTY towards the Thain’s daughter was a success! The Orenians have heard our pleas, and those responsible for the attacks on such a poor, defenseless halfling child will hopefully be put to justice! Today is a glorious day for us wee folks! Those darned NAY-GOOD BIGGUNS now know that we’ll protest all their wrongdoings! We won’t let ourselves be treated like this again! NEVER!

 

~Benedict’s Brews to Re-open!~

The great brewer Benedict is gonna reopen his brewery! For those who do not remember, Benedict used to operate a brewin’ stall by the docks! However, his stall has been closed for quite some time. A celebration will be held to commemorate the grand re-opening of Benedict’s Brews! Be there or be a ‘alf eaten apple!

Spoiler

 

 

~Secret Thain Cloning Machine???~

Our GLORIOUS LEADER has managed to create several copies of himself. He sees all. Every corner, every chimney, and every nook and cranny in every burrow can now be supervised by the Thain at once! It is not known how this was done, although some Halfling Conspiracy Theorists have contacted me with their ideas.

 

Halfling Conspiracy Theorist “Bro.... t’is is to’alleh some secre’ ancien’ halflin’ technology thae t’a Thain ‘as discovered! We be’’er submi’ ter t’is Thain les’ weh beh PUNISHED BY T’A DIVINE MIGH’ O’ KNOX!

Same Halfling with a Mustache: ”Oi agree! Tha’ is ah totalleh ordinary theory involvin’ nay alcohol a’ all!”

 

Is the Thain in possession of secret cloning technology? I’ll let you decide for yourself!

 

Long Live Brandybrook! Glory ter t’a wee!

-Pervinca Driftwood

[!] The newspaper ends with the official seal of Brandybrook!

[thesaintjaleel 792]

“It is unlike an empire to be pushed around by sub-humans. That’s quite the embarrassment.” Erasto said, reading only the first part of the document before burning it on a candle

[NotEvilAtAll 10906]

1 minute ago, Southeron said:

“It is unlike an empire to be pushed around by sub-humans. That’s quite the embarrassment.” Erasto said, reading only the first part of the document before burning it on a candle

“Oi know righ’! T’a SPICY EMPIRE need nay need nay beh pushed ‘round by differen’ sub-races o’ Humans!” responds Pervinca Driftwood, agreeing whole heartedly.

[thesaintjaleel 792]

4 minutes ago, NotEvilAtAll said:

“Oi know righ’! T’a SPICY EMPIRE need nay need nay beh pushed ‘round by differen’ sub-races o’ Humans!” responds Pervinca Driftwood, agreeing whole heartedly.

“Yes, however you are not a ‘sub-race of human’ you are subhuman, meaning that you are in every way inferior to the other humans – who share practically the same composition. The fact that you still exist is almost laughable – but it doesn’t make me laugh, it simply enrages me. It seems that nature hasn’t been doing its job very well to quell the lesser-beings from this world.” Erasto responds with a degree of ferocity 

[CorweenieTheJedi 892]

Benedict snorts awake, looking out and sees the sun. He had slept in! In a panic, he hastily puts on his metal arm, gets dressed and rushes outside, only to see the party returning and having completely missed the protest himself. He grumbles, sighs, shrugs, and joins the others, glad that they all came back in one piece.

[lemonke 6014]

48 minutes ago, NotEvilAtAll said:

~Secret Thain Cloning Machine?

"What" Maya grumbled confusedly and will surely visit the Thain after that ! 

[Burnsider 4566]

Fred Puddlefoot rocked back and forth on his porch in Hillsborough, smoking a little pipeweed, sipping a cup of tea, and reading the paper. He shook his head. "Now, wha's really tellin' is tha' not a single man among them bigguns would join our cause. Makes ya think tha' if no' one biggun would stand fer non-violence 'tween tha' 'umans an' tha Wee Folk, p'raps the obvious propaganda sent out from tha AIS migh' 'ave more o' a ring o' truth ta it than Oi thought."