The Confession, 1760

[Draeris 3124]

 

THE CONFESSION

 

It is not inherent to my profession to publish what a faithful confesses to me, nor am I a person that carries a profound desire to express myself. For I have spent most of my years in clerical service as a temperate man: refusing to indulge myself with the intricate intrigue of both the Imperial and papal courts. Yet right after the conclusion of the Crown v. Károly, I found not only my head spared: but I found myself privy to the most enlightening discussion I had, perhaps in my whole life. I suspect the reader might find it odd that the alleged icon of sedition suddenly publishes this piece. Though I can do nothing but assure you that many times before the trial, I stood over my table with a quill dipped in ink: but with no words written on the parchment. For I frankly struggle to articulate something beyond the safety of pontifical guidelines and theology. Therefore, please be gentle with my first attempt at chronicling an experience of a political nature. 
 

 

The sun was particularly radiant in the morning after my trial: with a flock of white & red robes entering the Helena cathedral to prepare for a day of service. This would be my last day in Helena before I would go to tend to my affairs in Ves, as I waited for my companion Father Lajos to indulge his socialite tendencies. 

 

The beginning of a day in Helena was always a mesmerizing sight to behold. The stark differences between the classes, the artisans, the bureaucrats and the salesmen all preparing for another day of honest labor: a beautiful mosaic as a testimony to human success. But even as the flock had a fine field to graze upon, not all could find the grass. 

 

In a small chamber, left from the entrance, stood the confession booths. Forgotten, albeit still demanding of certain respect. These booths have heard secrets that could end marriages, collapse Houses and change the course of many chapters of history. Yet today, it merely served as the wooden husk that surrounded the fatigued Bishop of Ves. On the other side: a lady that had walked in right after the opening of the Cathedral. Her eyes shared a similar fatigue to that of the Bishop’s, but her attire expressed a larger degree of energy.

 

“Forgive me father, for I have sinned” the young and tender voice spoke, as the Bishop leaned towards the wooden frame of the divider, checkered by holes: “For I had almost doubted GOD’s presence yesterday”. The Bishop perched a brow: “Why is that, m’lady? What led you to doubt something so fundamental, like GOD?” 

 

“Well.” her fingers were softly tapping the small table in front of her seating “Your trial of course, father. I was scared to lose the man that baptized my kin: the idea of losing you, made me lose faith in GOD.” The Bishop chuckled a bit, rotating his gaze towards her: “Yet here I am m’lady, lending an ear to your sin. I would find it out of place that my presence today is your sole reason for your renewed faith.”

 

“Perhaps father. But I just feel so angry at GOD for toying with people like this: making them face the threat of death by the hands of their contemporaries and friends.” she continued “How can I believe GOD protects its flock, when it so clearly doesn’t”. He perked a brow “Does he not, m’lady? For my presence today is not the only example of His Benevolence and protection”. The woman chuckled “With all due respect father: but a city like Helena, has gone astray from GOD. GOD has abandoned Helena. Just look at the streets, they-” the Bishop placed his hand on the divider, now fully facing the woman “What have you forgotten, in your commentary?”

 

“What I..” the lady had perked her eyebrows, now facing the Bishop too “What I have forgotten?” the conversation would shortly be interrupted by the bells announcing the start of noon “Yes m’lady. You claim that GOD has abandoned Helena: yet, you were only a couple of steps away from talking to GOD today.” She scoffed: “I know the clergy in the capital can be extravagant, but you did not just say that you were GOD, did you?” The Bishop shook his head, smirking in an almost teasing fashion “No. But GOD does not only have a presence in your prayers, or in the Scrolls m’lady. Come outside with me.” the lady looked around in a slight flight of panic, not expecting the Bishop to suddenly beckon her at the end of his sentence. She sheepishly followed him to the entrance of the Cathedral: the noon sun slowly rising from the contours of Helena’s commercial buildings. 

 

“To prove why you should never doubt your faith: look at me.” She turned her skeptical eyes towards him “Only don’t look at me: look up.” the Bishop pointed her finger upwards, the lady’s gaze following suit “Do you see the sky? Do you see GOD?” the woman shook her head “No? You don’t see him? No matter. Now look at those Helenians milling about: observe their smiles with a profound joy of your own, and remember this: if you want to see GOD, you have the means to do it. GOD is the happiness you see in these people, GOD is the blue sky that decorates what is above. GOD is the justice given to me yesterday, as much as your last moment of happiness.” the lady nodded “But why does GOD not help Helena, father?” The Bishop placed his soft hand on her shoulder “Because m’lady, Helena needs no helping.” he pointed at the imperial bureaucrats trekking towards Varoche hall in the distance “We have people that spend day and night, working on giving you a voice.” he then beckoned to the baker stall across them “We have people keeping you away from hunger.” he then rotated her towards a Carrington merchant offering wares to a pedestrian: “And those that gift you luxury.”

 

The woman held onto the Bishop, seemingly contemplating what was lectured to her. The Bishop raised his finger politely: “The reason why souls like you doubt GOD and forget his eternal presence: is because the imperial citizen today enjoys the freedom from want. Any ambition is possible, any disagreement listened to. In an era of such political benevolence towards its citizens, actual stakes and risks feel scary. You did not doubt GOD because of my trial specifically m’lady, you doubted GOD because it was the first time in months that you felt you could lose something. What you have forgotten is all the days that you were happy, that your stomach was filled, that you had offspring and best of all: that you had fellow humans fighting for your rights and interests in the courts and Senate.” the woman crossed her arms, albeit her face exposed a sense of disarmament: “But what do I do then, father?”

“You rejoice m’lady: you celebrate everything GOD has given you already. Because today, you already have everything”.  The woman nodded once, dipping her head to the Bishop: “Thank you father, I understand now”.